March 3, 2025
The_Cancer_Chronicles_Ep_1 (Audio)
00:40 - Introduction to the Cancer Chronicles
02:41 - The Diagnosis
07:43 - Christmas Eve Revelation
09:16 - Coping with Cancer
12:21 - The Importance of Support
14:18 - Starting Chemotherapy
17:05 - Navigating Side Effects
18:27 - Encouragement and Reflection
WEBVTT
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Music.
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You have to keep it. Welcome to the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast.
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And what's going on, man? Welcome. I want to welcome everyone to this episode
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of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast. This is my name. It's Terry.
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As you can see in one of the corners here, this is the Cancer Chronicles.
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And I am rebooting podcast because I'm bored and I don't have anything else better to do.
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So no, I do have better things to do, like sleep.
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But anyway, I'm rebooting my podcast because I was dealt a pretty stiff diagnosis.
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And a lot of people are going to ask me, you know, why are you doing this? What is this about?
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And the reason why I am rebranding my podcast is because I want to be able to
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help someone who is possibly going through the same thing or have a loved one
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that's going through the same thing.
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So those of you who have not heard or have not seen this particular or heard
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my story at all, this is my purpose.
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This is my purpose. I believe this is my purpose to sit here behind my mic and
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behind my computer screens and try to give you guys a little bit of a story time.
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So let me get into it. Now, those of you guys, you know, I'm a man of a certain age.
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I'm 49 years old, right? So, of course, being 49 and being a black man.
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We struggle with certain health issues, diabetes, prostate cancer, things of this nature.
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Diabetes is one of the biggest killers of African-American men across this country.
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And so those of you who watch me, who have watched me know my story.
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I went through a divorce last year. So 2024 was a rough year.
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I went through a divorce, had a, not a health scare, but my diabetes,
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my sugar had gotten really high. I didn't know how to control it.
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And so I started losing a bunch of weight. I started urinating a lot and I was
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having a bunch of issues, right?
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So I went through that. That was the early part of 24.
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So go through the year, I'm already dealing with mental health.
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On dealing with, you know, my divorce and that not being, it's really taken,
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it really took a toll on me.
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So I was like, okay, I need to figure this out, right?
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So let's say September of 2024, maybe October, I started feeling,
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you know, it's kind of bad, just kind of, you know, sick and things of this
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nature and a lot of abdominal pain, things of this nature.
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So the first thing I would say to people is that if you do not,
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do not ignore your body, right?
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If your body is telling you, or you're feeling a certain way about something,
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it'll be seen, excuse me, go to the doctor.
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And so, you know, I kind of ignored it. You know, I just figured it was my diabetes,
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doing a, I thought my diabetes had spent the block on me and came back.
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So I really ignored it this much. I wasn't taking any insulin.
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I was taking the only thing I was taking for my diabetes at the time was metformin.
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So, of course, anybody that's a conspiracy theorist knows that metformin is
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bad for an American man or people in general. Right.
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So I really didn't think anything of the diabetes. I just kind of,
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you know, kind of just put my business.
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But it got too bad. You know, October, November, it really got bad.
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So I ended up going to work one day again who follow me know that I was a CO at a prison,
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and I went into work one day and I went to see the employee health nurse because
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my vitals were all over the place,
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and all that and so I go to see her and she says hey you don't look very well
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I was sweating I think I had turned yellow a lot of my,
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You know, you turn yellow, you know, it's a childless issue,
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a delivery issue, this and that.
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And so she was like, hey, I need for you to go to the doctor.
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I need for you to go to the ER.
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Now, the last time she told me that, you know, I came home, I got in the bed,
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and I was okay the next day. Right? They didn't take anything of it.
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So I ended up, that particular day, I'm glad I listened to her because that
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day I went to the ER in the next city over.
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And they did my blood work. That's the first thing you do when you go to the ER, do your blood work.
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And I guess my numbers weren't looking the way it's supposed to be looking.
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So they did a CT scan on me. They wheeled me downstairs.
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I got into the big machine. No biggie, right?
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Again, I'm thinking, I'm planning it off in my head. I'm thinking that's because
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it's my diabetes acting out. My sugar's not where it's supposed to be.
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And so they wheeled me back up To the ER room that I was in,
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the ER doc came in about 30 minutes later, and she says, hey,
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your numbers aren't looking the way we want them to look.
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There's a number called the Billy Rubin that has something to do with your liver
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or pancreas, output, or what have you.
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But she came back in, and she says, Mr.
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Little, we see a mass on your pancreas. It's at the head of your pancreas.
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Some masses are in the tail of the pancreas. Other masses are in the head.
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But the good news is it hadn't spread anywhere. It hadn't metastasized to anything.
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So it was just in the head of my pancreas.
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So after she says that, about 10 minutes later, she says, hey,
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we don't have an oncologist here.
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Transfer you to the biggest city, which is Columbia.
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And Columbia has the University of Missouri, you know, the whole health system there.
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So next thing I know, you know, uniform on everything.
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They put me in the back of an ambulance and transferred me from Jefferson City to Columbia.
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So I get to Columbia and I get there about 1030, 11 o'clock.
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And this is the week of Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas.
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And so they wheeled me into my room and they wheeled me down for an OCT scan
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just to get a, I guess, just to get a confirmation.
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And they did that. My blood sugar was somewhere between 550, 600.
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I mean, I could have went into a coma, but I didn't think I had that.
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So I go, I have a CT, I come back to my room.
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The next morning, this was Christmas Eve, the next morning the doctor comes in.
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And really cool, really cool doctors. And he came in and he said, Mr. Little.
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You have stage three and the old and Dean and the old carcinoma.
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I think that's what it's called.
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And to get that kind of news on Christmas Eve was like, wow, what?
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Like you couldn't come in and you couldn't say Merry Christmas,
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nothing. You just say happy holidays or whatever it is.
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I got what? I got stage three and you know, and you know, and you know carcinoma.
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Thank you. We had a cancer.
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When I tell you that my life flashed before my eyes, because,
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you know, I got a son, I got a seven-year-old son who's going to be eight here pretty soon.
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I got grandkids. I got two grown daughters, you know, three or four stepkids that love me.
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And that was a hard pill to swallow.
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It really was. And so, you know, a lot of my, a lot of the people that I work
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with, they came in and rallied around me and, you know, my ex-wife,
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she came, she supported me and she held my hand and she was my advocate.
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So going through that Christmas time, I never, I was never really big on Christmas
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anyway, but Christmas really will have a different connotation for me.
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Now on. I have a different outlook on how to leave season from now on.
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So, of course, everybody's panicking.
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I'm in shock. And I stayed in shock for the longest.
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And I think I'm feeling shocked some days, but living knowing that I have this
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particular cancer is really tough.
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So everybody, you know, talking chemo and you got to have surgery.
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I got to get my, I got to get a port put in, which I wear.
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If you look, there's a scar on my neck here. That's where they put it into my jugular.
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And then I have a little piece that's right here to where when I go in to do
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blood work, I just pop it into my chest.
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Instead of trying to get a vein, I just pop it into my chest and get my blood
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work from there, which hurts. So that's my first biggest thing was the poor placement.
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And I was like, it's going on here. And so I meet with the surgeon.
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And surgeons, surgeons have no bedside manner at all. I've never met a surgeon
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that had a good bedside manner.
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Everybody was, they stayed to the point and he was like, hey,
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my man, like you can do chemo, but it's not going to shrink because the mass
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had what they call a vein involvement.
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So I have as a vein that runs through the pancreas. If that mass is around that
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vein, they can't go in and do surgery.
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So the mask that I have is inoperable now.
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So I'm living with this cancer and I can't get surgery. I got to go through
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chemo. So I get my port placed, man.
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And I got my port placed like way early. It was like, I didn't have my first
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chemo session for another month after I got my port placed.
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So the waiting was hard because I can't sleep on my side where the port is.
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Because it hurts, you know, to be honest with you.
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It's a really hard place. It's a really hard place. And I'm like, okay, what am I doing?
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You know, what's going on? Why is this happening to me?
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You know, I look back over my life and I've done some crazy stuff. I lived a crazy life.
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I mean, I didn't do any drugs or anything like that, but, you know,
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I smoked cigarettes for years.
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And, you know, I got to tell you, guys, I said, and if you're watching this
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and if you're listening to what I'm telling you, it's scary. It's scary for me.
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But I got a pretty good support system. Nobody's left me hanging yet,
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you know, so it's all good.
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My ex-wife, she goes to my chemo sessions with me. You know,
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she doesn't really have to because of obligations.
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Obligations aren't with me. They're with, you know, the kids and her life and
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everything. And that's cool, and I appreciate her for being there.
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And everybody else, you know, shout out to my classmates, Sarissa Borden and
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all those guys. Shout out to y'all.
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She started out, not to go fund me, but she put it out in our high school class
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group. Hey, y'all donate to this man.
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He's going through a lot, da-da-da-da-da. And so everybody came through to support.
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So support is very important, especially when you're going through something like this.
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Because if you feel like you're going through this by yourself,
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it really gets tough and it really drains the mental.
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And if you're already struggling with mental, it makes it worse.
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And I'm that guy that I struggle with my mental sometimes because,
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you know, the loss of my wife, I mean, you know, my divorce was hard on me last
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year. I mean, so I still struggle with that.
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So it's not like it's, you know, I'm walking this thing out and I'm all good. I'm not. I'm not.
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And they say, and people say all the time, you know, it's okay to not, it's okay to not be okay.
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And that's probably the truest thing that anyone's ever said.
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So going into chemo, having a support system in place,
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having different visits to the doctor, oncologists, dietitians,
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everybody that you can possibly want to talk to in a time like that,
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you're going to talk to them.
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You're going to be in their face. You know, so my first round of chemo,
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and I got to tell you, going, going into chemo, that season was really,
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really, really hard because I was really, really, really scared. Right.
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So you go, when you start stuff like that, you go into, I wouldn't say,
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I wouldn't say panic mode, but it's almost like, okay, what am I getting myself into?
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Because some people are like, they choose not to do chemo because they don't
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want it to change their quality of life.
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And I said, well, and I almost did that. I almost got to the point where I'm
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not going to do chemo and I'm just going to enjoy the rest of my life and have
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how much time I got left. Right. And then I was like, you know what?
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Nah, I'm going to have to fight this a little bit.
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Right. So I decided to do chemo.
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My first round of chemo wasn't as bad as everybody made it seem.
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Because, you know, if you ask 10 different people about chemo,
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you're going to get 10 different answers because chemo affects everyone differently.
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Some people, they have a weak immune system. Chemo hits them,
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and it's just like they go downhill, right?
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Now, at 49, I'm not the healthiest guy on the planet, but I do, I am a little bit strong.
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And so my first round of chemo was, okay, this isn't as bad.
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So how my chemo sessions work is I get, I have an infusion, right? I am on Florinox.
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So I have an infusion. I have my infusion day, which is on a Friday.
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And I sit in an infusion chair for maybe three or four hours,
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maybe, because one medication that they put in me takes about 90 minutes.
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The other one takes about 60 or so minutes, maybe a little bit more.
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And they put the port into my...
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They put the drugs through my port, and so I sit in an infusion chair,
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and then after I get done with my infusion, they de-access my port.
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No, they don't de-access it.
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They actually change everything over, and I wear a fanny pack that has the actual
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chemo drug and a big old ball, and I wear that in a fanny pack for two days.
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So I get infused on Friday.
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I wear the fanny pack Saturday and Sunday, and then I get de-access through my port on Sunday.
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So my first round, not bad, didn't really have any effects.
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I was still eating and drinking, you know, like normal.
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I think the worst effect that I had after my first round of chemo was sensitivity to cold.
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So it's a term, I think it's called neuropathy, is what it's called.
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And you get certain sensations in your fingers and your toes and,
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you know, You kind of want to keep an eye on that because if it gets too bad,
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they stop your chemo because they have to put, they have to downsize your medication
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because you shouldn't be getting those feelings.
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So the first round, I did not have that. I think I had a little bit of sensitivity
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as I drank something cold.
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It felt like I was swallowing razor blades or a shard to glass,
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which is really painful if you, so if you are a chemo patient,
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a survivor of chemo, whatever, and you wouldn't even know what I'm talking about.
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It feels like shards of glass you're swallowing. So I had to drink everything
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at room temperature. So I can have drinks.
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I can have water, soda, whatever. I try to lay out the soda,
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but no water, juice, anything like that.
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I can have those things, but they have to be at room temperature.
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I can't drink anything straight out of the refrigerator.
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I can't even go into the freezer and touch anything in there without gloves
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on because of sensitivity.
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So I didn't really, you know, again, So I'm going through my thing and I'm like, all right, cool.
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So the first round was cool. Second round was a little different.
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The neuropathy was way worse the second time.
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The second time around because the tingling was really, really bad. And I had gloves, right?
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But when I got done with my second round of chemo, it felt like I was being
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cut in my fingers. Right.
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And it was a cold day, you know, here in Missouri. It was, it was,
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that day was cold, but I couldn't even, I, I left the infusion and I got in
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my car to get ready to leave and I couldn't even touch my steering wheel.
00:18:02.364 --> 00:18:05.284
That's how bad it was. It's what my neuropathy was concerned.
00:18:05.944 --> 00:18:09.524
And then it moved to my toes and that was really bad. So, you know.
00:18:10.726 --> 00:18:14.306
Going through chemo and all of that, it was really tough.
00:18:14.386 --> 00:18:19.966
I'm really fatigued a lot, so I have to stay busy and do things and walk and
00:18:19.966 --> 00:18:21.146
exercise and all that stuff.
00:18:21.546 --> 00:18:26.646
And it was just really hard for a brother, and it's really hard for me.
00:18:27.926 --> 00:18:35.466
But I said all of that in this episode tonight to tell you this, is to be encouraging.
00:18:35.806 --> 00:18:39.686
And I'm not just talking to the people that are watching. I'm talking to me.
00:18:40.266 --> 00:18:46.146
This encourages me as well, because I do have my days where I battle with depression
00:18:46.146 --> 00:18:50.066
and I battle with my mental health. I battle with that every single day.
00:18:51.546 --> 00:18:56.206
So I'm not sitting here in front of this camera like I am just the most perfect
00:18:56.206 --> 00:18:58.386
guy on the planet because I'm not. I am absolutely not.
00:18:59.026 --> 00:19:02.526
And I struggle. And I want to walk.
00:19:02.666 --> 00:19:06.646
I want to take this journey. I want you guys to take this journey with me to
00:19:06.646 --> 00:19:09.646
encourage me and to also encourage you because, you know,
00:19:10.406 --> 00:19:16.506
when people who support cancer patients and when they say you are not walking
00:19:16.506 --> 00:19:17.686
this alone, they mean that.
00:19:18.466 --> 00:19:22.106
And so I want you to know, I want you to look me in my eyes when I say this,
00:19:22.266 --> 00:19:25.386
is that I am in this race with you.
00:19:25.726 --> 00:19:29.446
I'm right along. I'm in that boat right along with you, paddling right beside
00:19:29.446 --> 00:19:31.206
you. And we're going to get through this.
00:19:32.026 --> 00:19:35.586
And so I want to thank you guys for listening. Listen, if I said anything in
00:19:35.586 --> 00:19:40.506
this podcast episode that you enjoyed that made any sense, and you want to follow
00:19:40.506 --> 00:19:43.106
along on the journey, please subscribe to the YouTube channel.
00:19:43.866 --> 00:19:48.306
And the link, if you're watching me on TikTok, I appreciate you.
00:19:49.966 --> 00:19:54.606
I'm going to put this kind of like everywhere. So I want you guys to be encouraged.
00:19:54.866 --> 00:20:01.066
Remember that we are all one race, the human race. and when I say that I love
00:20:01.066 --> 00:20:04.906
you, I don't even know you, but I want to tell you that I love you and we're
00:20:04.906 --> 00:20:06.006
going to get through this together.
00:20:07.046 --> 00:20:12.066
So until the next episode, you guys have a wonderful, wonderful evening and
00:20:12.066 --> 00:20:13.666
I will see you next time around.
00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:47.237
Music.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:30.480
Music.
00:00:31.042 --> 00:00:35.622
You have to keep it. Welcome to the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast.
00:00:40.342 --> 00:00:47.622
And what's going on, man? Welcome. I want to welcome everyone to this episode
00:00:47.622 --> 00:00:52.702
of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast. This is my name. It's Terry.
00:00:52.922 --> 00:00:58.502
As you can see in one of the corners here, this is the Cancer Chronicles.
00:00:59.162 --> 00:01:05.022
And I am rebooting podcast because I'm bored and I don't have anything else better to do.
00:01:05.162 --> 00:01:07.982
So no, I do have better things to do, like sleep.
00:01:08.222 --> 00:01:17.462
But anyway, I'm rebooting my podcast because I was dealt a pretty stiff diagnosis.
00:01:19.302 --> 00:01:24.602
And a lot of people are going to ask me, you know, why are you doing this? What is this about?
00:01:26.322 --> 00:01:34.582
And the reason why I am rebranding my podcast is because I want to be able to
00:01:34.582 --> 00:01:42.842
help someone who is possibly going through the same thing or have a loved one
00:01:42.842 --> 00:01:44.502
that's going through the same thing.
00:01:45.162 --> 00:01:51.382
So those of you who have not heard or have not seen this particular or heard
00:01:51.382 --> 00:01:58.302
my story at all, this is my purpose.
00:01:58.502 --> 00:02:02.042
This is my purpose. I believe this is my purpose to sit here behind my mic and
00:02:02.042 --> 00:02:06.042
behind my computer screens and try to give you guys a little bit of a story time.
00:02:07.162 --> 00:02:11.482
So let me get into it. Now, those of you guys, you know, I'm a man of a certain age.
00:02:11.542 --> 00:02:17.302
I'm 49 years old, right? So, of course, being 49 and being a black man.
00:02:18.871 --> 00:02:24.631
We struggle with certain health issues, diabetes, prostate cancer, things of this nature.
00:02:25.051 --> 00:02:29.771
Diabetes is one of the biggest killers of African-American men across this country.
00:02:30.251 --> 00:02:36.011
And so those of you who watch me, who have watched me know my story.
00:02:36.371 --> 00:02:41.631
I went through a divorce last year. So 2024 was a rough year.
00:02:41.631 --> 00:02:47.831
I went through a divorce, had a, not a health scare, but my diabetes,
00:02:48.071 --> 00:02:51.111
my sugar had gotten really high. I didn't know how to control it.
00:02:51.571 --> 00:02:56.751
And so I started losing a bunch of weight. I started urinating a lot and I was
00:02:56.751 --> 00:02:57.891
having a bunch of issues, right?
00:02:58.011 --> 00:03:00.651
So I went through that. That was the early part of 24.
00:03:03.471 --> 00:03:06.751
So go through the year, I'm already dealing with mental health.
00:03:06.751 --> 00:03:13.251
On dealing with, you know, my divorce and that not being, it's really taken,
00:03:13.491 --> 00:03:15.971
it really took a toll on me.
00:03:16.751 --> 00:03:20.811
So I was like, okay, I need to figure this out, right?
00:03:21.451 --> 00:03:27.291
So let's say September of 2024, maybe October, I started feeling,
00:03:27.551 --> 00:03:30.731
you know, it's kind of bad, just kind of, you know, sick and things of this
00:03:30.731 --> 00:03:33.571
nature and a lot of abdominal pain, things of this nature.
00:03:33.691 --> 00:03:39.131
So the first thing I would say to people is that if you do not,
00:03:39.131 --> 00:03:41.471
do not ignore your body, right?
00:03:41.531 --> 00:03:44.551
If your body is telling you, or you're feeling a certain way about something,
00:03:44.651 --> 00:03:48.431
it'll be seen, excuse me, go to the doctor.
00:03:48.831 --> 00:03:54.251
And so, you know, I kind of ignored it. You know, I just figured it was my diabetes,
00:03:55.071 --> 00:04:00.151
doing a, I thought my diabetes had spent the block on me and came back.
00:04:01.871 --> 00:04:05.791
So I really ignored it this much. I wasn't taking any insulin.
00:04:06.071 --> 00:04:10.471
I was taking the only thing I was taking for my diabetes at the time was metformin.
00:04:11.011 --> 00:04:14.231
So, of course, anybody that's a conspiracy theorist knows that metformin is
00:04:14.231 --> 00:04:17.251
bad for an American man or people in general. Right.
00:04:17.851 --> 00:04:21.591
So I really didn't think anything of the diabetes. I just kind of,
00:04:21.711 --> 00:04:23.151
you know, kind of just put my business.
00:04:23.731 --> 00:04:27.971
But it got too bad. You know, October, November, it really got bad.
00:04:29.331 --> 00:04:37.771
So I ended up going to work one day again who follow me know that I was a CO at a prison,
00:04:38.911 --> 00:04:43.291
and I went into work one day and I went to see the employee health nurse because
00:04:43.291 --> 00:04:44.911
my vitals were all over the place,
00:04:45.491 --> 00:04:53.091
and all that and so I go to see her and she says hey you don't look very well
00:04:53.091 --> 00:04:56.371
I was sweating I think I had turned yellow a lot of my,
00:04:58.084 --> 00:05:01.564
You know, you turn yellow, you know, it's a childless issue,
00:05:01.764 --> 00:05:02.864
a delivery issue, this and that.
00:05:03.064 --> 00:05:06.484
And so she was like, hey, I need for you to go to the doctor.
00:05:06.744 --> 00:05:07.904
I need for you to go to the ER.
00:05:08.364 --> 00:05:13.004
Now, the last time she told me that, you know, I came home, I got in the bed,
00:05:13.024 --> 00:05:15.244
and I was okay the next day. Right? They didn't take anything of it.
00:05:16.984 --> 00:05:21.724
So I ended up, that particular day, I'm glad I listened to her because that
00:05:21.724 --> 00:05:26.364
day I went to the ER in the next city over.
00:05:27.084 --> 00:05:31.824
And they did my blood work. That's the first thing you do when you go to the ER, do your blood work.
00:05:32.144 --> 00:05:35.884
And I guess my numbers weren't looking the way it's supposed to be looking.
00:05:36.584 --> 00:05:40.324
So they did a CT scan on me. They wheeled me downstairs.
00:05:41.004 --> 00:05:44.724
I got into the big machine. No biggie, right?
00:05:45.264 --> 00:05:48.624
Again, I'm thinking, I'm planning it off in my head. I'm thinking that's because
00:05:48.624 --> 00:05:52.104
it's my diabetes acting out. My sugar's not where it's supposed to be.
00:05:52.744 --> 00:05:57.744
And so they wheeled me back up To the ER room that I was in,
00:05:58.284 --> 00:06:02.004
the ER doc came in about 30 minutes later, and she says, hey,
00:06:02.324 --> 00:06:06.184
your numbers aren't looking the way we want them to look.
00:06:06.924 --> 00:06:11.324
There's a number called the Billy Rubin that has something to do with your liver
00:06:11.324 --> 00:06:13.484
or pancreas, output, or what have you.
00:06:14.064 --> 00:06:17.224
But she came back in, and she says, Mr.
00:06:17.284 --> 00:06:24.124
Little, we see a mass on your pancreas. It's at the head of your pancreas.
00:06:24.124 --> 00:06:28.364
Some masses are in the tail of the pancreas. Other masses are in the head.
00:06:29.804 --> 00:06:34.744
But the good news is it hadn't spread anywhere. It hadn't metastasized to anything.
00:06:35.044 --> 00:06:36.804
So it was just in the head of my pancreas.
00:06:37.724 --> 00:06:40.604
So after she says that, about 10 minutes later, she says, hey,
00:06:40.764 --> 00:06:42.484
we don't have an oncologist here.
00:06:43.484 --> 00:06:47.364
Transfer you to the biggest city, which is Columbia.
00:06:47.824 --> 00:06:53.264
And Columbia has the University of Missouri, you know, the whole health system there.
00:06:54.024 --> 00:06:58.124
So next thing I know, you know, uniform on everything.
00:06:58.304 --> 00:07:04.624
They put me in the back of an ambulance and transferred me from Jefferson City to Columbia.
00:07:05.184 --> 00:07:09.084
So I get to Columbia and I get there about 1030, 11 o'clock.
00:07:09.724 --> 00:07:13.924
And this is the week of Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas.
00:07:14.704 --> 00:07:20.504
And so they wheeled me into my room and they wheeled me down for an OCT scan
00:07:20.504 --> 00:07:23.124
just to get a, I guess, just to get a confirmation.
00:07:24.124 --> 00:07:28.844
And they did that. My blood sugar was somewhere between 550, 600.
00:07:29.024 --> 00:07:33.384
I mean, I could have went into a coma, but I didn't think I had that.
00:07:34.164 --> 00:07:37.804
So I go, I have a CT, I come back to my room.
00:07:38.304 --> 00:07:42.184
The next morning, this was Christmas Eve, the next morning the doctor comes in.
00:07:43.604 --> 00:07:48.604
And really cool, really cool doctors. And he came in and he said, Mr. Little.
00:07:50.638 --> 00:07:56.278
You have stage three and the old and Dean and the old carcinoma.
00:07:56.418 --> 00:07:57.278
I think that's what it's called.
00:07:59.118 --> 00:08:02.938
And to get that kind of news on Christmas Eve was like, wow, what?
00:08:03.298 --> 00:08:05.498
Like you couldn't come in and you couldn't say Merry Christmas,
00:08:05.658 --> 00:08:08.898
nothing. You just say happy holidays or whatever it is.
00:08:09.458 --> 00:08:14.578
I got what? I got stage three and you know, and you know, and you know carcinoma.
00:08:15.378 --> 00:08:16.518
Thank you. We had a cancer.
00:08:17.698 --> 00:08:20.798
When I tell you that my life flashed before my eyes, because,
00:08:20.958 --> 00:08:24.798
you know, I got a son, I got a seven-year-old son who's going to be eight here pretty soon.
00:08:25.938 --> 00:08:33.298
I got grandkids. I got two grown daughters, you know, three or four stepkids that love me.
00:08:33.598 --> 00:08:36.518
And that was a hard pill to swallow.
00:08:37.138 --> 00:08:41.178
It really was. And so, you know, a lot of my, a lot of the people that I work
00:08:41.178 --> 00:08:44.838
with, they came in and rallied around me and, you know, my ex-wife,
00:08:44.858 --> 00:08:48.298
she came, she supported me and she held my hand and she was my advocate.
00:08:50.398 --> 00:08:56.118
So going through that Christmas time, I never, I was never really big on Christmas
00:08:56.118 --> 00:09:03.018
anyway, but Christmas really will have a different connotation for me.
00:09:03.018 --> 00:09:10.038
Now on. I have a different outlook on how to leave season from now on.
00:09:10.898 --> 00:09:14.718
So, of course, everybody's panicking.
00:09:16.498 --> 00:09:20.898
I'm in shock. And I stayed in shock for the longest.
00:09:21.578 --> 00:09:27.138
And I think I'm feeling shocked some days, but living knowing that I have this
00:09:27.138 --> 00:09:29.898
particular cancer is really tough.
00:09:30.838 --> 00:09:35.778
So everybody, you know, talking chemo and you got to have surgery.
00:09:35.958 --> 00:09:41.238
I got to get my, I got to get a port put in, which I wear.
00:09:41.498 --> 00:09:46.858
If you look, there's a scar on my neck here. That's where they put it into my jugular.
00:09:47.078 --> 00:09:51.758
And then I have a little piece that's right here to where when I go in to do
00:09:51.758 --> 00:09:53.478
blood work, I just pop it into my chest.
00:09:53.598 --> 00:09:57.558
Instead of trying to get a vein, I just pop it into my chest and get my blood
00:09:57.558 --> 00:10:03.738
work from there, which hurts. So that's my first biggest thing was the poor placement.
00:10:04.078 --> 00:10:08.758
And I was like, it's going on here. And so I meet with the surgeon.
00:10:10.338 --> 00:10:16.258
And surgeons, surgeons have no bedside manner at all. I've never met a surgeon
00:10:16.258 --> 00:10:17.338
that had a good bedside manner.
00:10:17.498 --> 00:10:21.518
Everybody was, they stayed to the point and he was like, hey,
00:10:22.038 --> 00:10:28.878
my man, like you can do chemo, but it's not going to shrink because the mass
00:10:28.878 --> 00:10:32.038
had what they call a vein involvement.
00:10:32.358 --> 00:10:36.358
So I have as a vein that runs through the pancreas. If that mass is around that
00:10:36.358 --> 00:10:38.038
vein, they can't go in and do surgery.
00:10:38.698 --> 00:10:41.918
So the mask that I have is inoperable now.
00:10:43.478 --> 00:10:47.418
So I'm living with this cancer and I can't get surgery. I got to go through
00:10:47.418 --> 00:10:49.898
chemo. So I get my port placed, man.
00:10:50.798 --> 00:10:56.038
And I got my port placed like way early. It was like, I didn't have my first
00:10:56.038 --> 00:10:59.378
chemo session for another month after I got my port placed.
00:11:01.298 --> 00:11:06.558
So the waiting was hard because I can't sleep on my side where the port is.
00:11:07.498 --> 00:11:10.138
Because it hurts, you know, to be honest with you.
00:11:11.538 --> 00:11:17.698
It's a really hard place. It's a really hard place. And I'm like, okay, what am I doing?
00:11:18.058 --> 00:11:21.118
You know, what's going on? Why is this happening to me?
00:11:22.678 --> 00:11:26.558
You know, I look back over my life and I've done some crazy stuff. I lived a crazy life.
00:11:26.638 --> 00:11:29.538
I mean, I didn't do any drugs or anything like that, but, you know,
00:11:29.658 --> 00:11:30.978
I smoked cigarettes for years.
00:11:31.218 --> 00:11:36.758
And, you know, I got to tell you, guys, I said, and if you're watching this
00:11:36.758 --> 00:11:42.258
and if you're listening to what I'm telling you, it's scary. It's scary for me.
00:11:43.398 --> 00:11:47.498
But I got a pretty good support system. Nobody's left me hanging yet,
00:11:47.678 --> 00:11:48.618
you know, so it's all good.
00:11:49.438 --> 00:11:52.338
My ex-wife, she goes to my chemo sessions with me. You know,
00:11:52.518 --> 00:11:55.418
she doesn't really have to because of obligations.
00:11:56.338 --> 00:11:59.718
Obligations aren't with me. They're with, you know, the kids and her life and
00:11:59.718 --> 00:12:02.438
everything. And that's cool, and I appreciate her for being there.
00:12:03.866 --> 00:12:08.286
And everybody else, you know, shout out to my classmates, Sarissa Borden and
00:12:08.286 --> 00:12:10.046
all those guys. Shout out to y'all.
00:12:11.146 --> 00:12:16.086
She started out, not to go fund me, but she put it out in our high school class
00:12:16.086 --> 00:12:18.846
group. Hey, y'all donate to this man.
00:12:19.026 --> 00:12:21.766
He's going through a lot, da-da-da-da-da. And so everybody came through to support.
00:12:21.906 --> 00:12:24.686
So support is very important, especially when you're going through something like this.
00:12:25.386 --> 00:12:27.886
Because if you feel like you're going through this by yourself,
00:12:28.646 --> 00:12:31.806
it really gets tough and it really drains the mental.
00:12:32.566 --> 00:12:34.946
And if you're already struggling with mental, it makes it worse.
00:12:35.326 --> 00:12:39.186
And I'm that guy that I struggle with my mental sometimes because,
00:12:39.186 --> 00:12:43.686
you know, the loss of my wife, I mean, you know, my divorce was hard on me last
00:12:43.686 --> 00:12:45.806
year. I mean, so I still struggle with that.
00:12:46.126 --> 00:12:52.126
So it's not like it's, you know, I'm walking this thing out and I'm all good. I'm not. I'm not.
00:12:52.646 --> 00:12:57.866
And they say, and people say all the time, you know, it's okay to not, it's okay to not be okay.
00:12:59.386 --> 00:13:03.486
And that's probably the truest thing that anyone's ever said.
00:13:05.266 --> 00:13:09.286
So going into chemo, having a support system in place,
00:13:10.826 --> 00:13:15.686
having different visits to the doctor, oncologists, dietitians,
00:13:16.006 --> 00:13:21.026
everybody that you can possibly want to talk to in a time like that,
00:13:21.126 --> 00:13:21.666
you're going to talk to them.
00:13:21.846 --> 00:13:27.406
You're going to be in their face. You know, so my first round of chemo,
00:13:27.426 --> 00:13:32.126
and I got to tell you, going, going into chemo, that season was really,
00:13:32.286 --> 00:13:35.146
really, really hard because I was really, really, really scared. Right.
00:13:36.226 --> 00:13:41.566
So you go, when you start stuff like that, you go into, I wouldn't say,
00:13:41.746 --> 00:13:46.226
I wouldn't say panic mode, but it's almost like, okay, what am I getting myself into?
00:13:47.707 --> 00:13:51.027
Because some people are like, they choose not to do chemo because they don't
00:13:51.027 --> 00:13:52.867
want it to change their quality of life.
00:13:53.427 --> 00:13:57.907
And I said, well, and I almost did that. I almost got to the point where I'm
00:13:57.907 --> 00:14:02.027
not going to do chemo and I'm just going to enjoy the rest of my life and have
00:14:02.027 --> 00:14:04.987
how much time I got left. Right. And then I was like, you know what?
00:14:05.427 --> 00:14:08.067
Nah, I'm going to have to fight this a little bit.
00:14:08.547 --> 00:14:10.687
Right. So I decided to do chemo.
00:14:11.427 --> 00:14:18.107
My first round of chemo wasn't as bad as everybody made it seem.
00:14:18.347 --> 00:14:21.727
Because, you know, if you ask 10 different people about chemo,
00:14:22.167 --> 00:14:27.247
you're going to get 10 different answers because chemo affects everyone differently.
00:14:28.127 --> 00:14:32.307
Some people, they have a weak immune system. Chemo hits them,
00:14:32.367 --> 00:14:35.627
and it's just like they go downhill, right?
00:14:36.267 --> 00:14:43.467
Now, at 49, I'm not the healthiest guy on the planet, but I do, I am a little bit strong.
00:14:44.007 --> 00:14:50.387
And so my first round of chemo was, okay, this isn't as bad.
00:14:50.627 --> 00:15:00.087
So how my chemo sessions work is I get, I have an infusion, right? I am on Florinox.
00:15:00.887 --> 00:15:05.367
So I have an infusion. I have my infusion day, which is on a Friday.
00:15:05.627 --> 00:15:09.187
And I sit in an infusion chair for maybe three or four hours,
00:15:09.347 --> 00:15:14.947
maybe, because one medication that they put in me takes about 90 minutes.
00:15:15.387 --> 00:15:19.587
The other one takes about 60 or so minutes, maybe a little bit more.
00:15:19.887 --> 00:15:22.807
And they put the port into my...
00:15:24.004 --> 00:15:27.504
They put the drugs through my port, and so I sit in an infusion chair,
00:15:28.404 --> 00:15:32.384
and then after I get done with my infusion, they de-access my port.
00:15:32.504 --> 00:15:33.704
No, they don't de-access it.
00:15:34.044 --> 00:15:38.204
They actually change everything over, and I wear a fanny pack that has the actual
00:15:38.204 --> 00:15:44.344
chemo drug and a big old ball, and I wear that in a fanny pack for two days.
00:15:44.484 --> 00:15:46.104
So I get infused on Friday.
00:15:46.364 --> 00:15:51.904
I wear the fanny pack Saturday and Sunday, and then I get de-access through my port on Sunday.
00:15:52.844 --> 00:15:56.904
So my first round, not bad, didn't really have any effects.
00:15:57.624 --> 00:16:01.764
I was still eating and drinking, you know, like normal.
00:16:02.544 --> 00:16:11.484
I think the worst effect that I had after my first round of chemo was sensitivity to cold.
00:16:12.864 --> 00:16:16.544
So it's a term, I think it's called neuropathy, is what it's called.
00:16:17.064 --> 00:16:20.004
And you get certain sensations in your fingers and your toes and,
00:16:20.084 --> 00:16:22.964
you know, You kind of want to keep an eye on that because if it gets too bad,
00:16:23.064 --> 00:16:27.344
they stop your chemo because they have to put, they have to downsize your medication
00:16:27.344 --> 00:16:29.424
because you shouldn't be getting those feelings.
00:16:30.004 --> 00:16:33.944
So the first round, I did not have that. I think I had a little bit of sensitivity
00:16:33.944 --> 00:16:35.224
as I drank something cold.
00:16:35.644 --> 00:16:39.224
It felt like I was swallowing razor blades or a shard to glass,
00:16:39.224 --> 00:16:44.424
which is really painful if you, so if you are a chemo patient,
00:16:44.424 --> 00:16:49.564
a survivor of chemo, whatever, and you wouldn't even know what I'm talking about.
00:16:50.004 --> 00:16:54.224
It feels like shards of glass you're swallowing. So I had to drink everything
00:16:54.224 --> 00:16:57.624
at room temperature. So I can have drinks.
00:16:57.884 --> 00:17:01.404
I can have water, soda, whatever. I try to lay out the soda,
00:17:02.284 --> 00:17:05.044
but no water, juice, anything like that.
00:17:05.204 --> 00:17:07.664
I can have those things, but they have to be at room temperature.
00:17:07.824 --> 00:17:10.264
I can't drink anything straight out of the refrigerator.
00:17:10.524 --> 00:17:15.204
I can't even go into the freezer and touch anything in there without gloves
00:17:15.204 --> 00:17:16.684
on because of sensitivity.
00:17:17.584 --> 00:17:23.044
So I didn't really, you know, again, So I'm going through my thing and I'm like, all right, cool.
00:17:23.984 --> 00:17:27.984
So the first round was cool. Second round was a little different.
00:17:28.864 --> 00:17:32.324
The neuropathy was way worse the second time.
00:17:34.004 --> 00:17:41.704
The second time around because the tingling was really, really bad. And I had gloves, right?
00:17:41.924 --> 00:17:47.784
But when I got done with my second round of chemo, it felt like I was being
00:17:47.784 --> 00:17:50.044
cut in my fingers. Right.
00:17:50.664 --> 00:17:53.864
And it was a cold day, you know, here in Missouri. It was, it was,
00:17:54.004 --> 00:17:59.184
that day was cold, but I couldn't even, I, I left the infusion and I got in
00:17:59.184 --> 00:18:02.184
my car to get ready to leave and I couldn't even touch my steering wheel.
00:18:02.364 --> 00:18:05.284
That's how bad it was. It's what my neuropathy was concerned.
00:18:05.944 --> 00:18:09.524
And then it moved to my toes and that was really bad. So, you know.
00:18:10.726 --> 00:18:14.306
Going through chemo and all of that, it was really tough.
00:18:14.386 --> 00:18:19.966
I'm really fatigued a lot, so I have to stay busy and do things and walk and
00:18:19.966 --> 00:18:21.146
exercise and all that stuff.
00:18:21.546 --> 00:18:26.646
And it was just really hard for a brother, and it's really hard for me.
00:18:27.926 --> 00:18:35.466
But I said all of that in this episode tonight to tell you this, is to be encouraging.
00:18:35.806 --> 00:18:39.686
And I'm not just talking to the people that are watching. I'm talking to me.
00:18:40.266 --> 00:18:46.146
This encourages me as well, because I do have my days where I battle with depression
00:18:46.146 --> 00:18:50.066
and I battle with my mental health. I battle with that every single day.
00:18:51.546 --> 00:18:56.206
So I'm not sitting here in front of this camera like I am just the most perfect
00:18:56.206 --> 00:18:58.386
guy on the planet because I'm not. I am absolutely not.
00:18:59.026 --> 00:19:02.526
And I struggle. And I want to walk.
00:19:02.666 --> 00:19:06.646
I want to take this journey. I want you guys to take this journey with me to
00:19:06.646 --> 00:19:09.646
encourage me and to also encourage you because, you know,
00:19:10.406 --> 00:19:16.506
when people who support cancer patients and when they say you are not walking
00:19:16.506 --> 00:19:17.686
this alone, they mean that.
00:19:18.466 --> 00:19:22.106
And so I want you to know, I want you to look me in my eyes when I say this,
00:19:22.266 --> 00:19:25.386
is that I am in this race with you.
00:19:25.726 --> 00:19:29.446
I'm right along. I'm in that boat right along with you, paddling right beside
00:19:29.446 --> 00:19:31.206
you. And we're going to get through this.
00:19:32.026 --> 00:19:35.586
And so I want to thank you guys for listening. Listen, if I said anything in
00:19:35.586 --> 00:19:40.506
this podcast episode that you enjoyed that made any sense, and you want to follow
00:19:40.506 --> 00:19:43.106
along on the journey, please subscribe to the YouTube channel.
00:19:43.866 --> 00:19:48.306
And the link, if you're watching me on TikTok, I appreciate you.
00:19:49.966 --> 00:19:54.606
I'm going to put this kind of like everywhere. So I want you guys to be encouraged.
00:19:54.866 --> 00:20:01.066
Remember that we are all one race, the human race. and when I say that I love
00:20:01.066 --> 00:20:04.906
you, I don't even know you, but I want to tell you that I love you and we're
00:20:04.906 --> 00:20:06.006
going to get through this together.
00:20:07.046 --> 00:20:12.066
So until the next episode, you guys have a wonderful, wonderful evening and
00:20:12.066 --> 00:20:13.666
I will see you next time around.
00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:47.237
Music.
