April 12, 2024
The Struggle of Emotional Healing
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Welcome to another heart-tugging episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast. Terry, your host, is back after a brief hiatus with a new episode titled 'The Struggle,' focusing on his emotional journey, thereby proving that this podcast was designed to help you realize that you are not the only one dealing with hardships. It further emphasizes the message that just when you think it's over, a new phase begins, and just because you were dealt a bad hand doesn't mean you have to keep it.
In this episode, Terry takes you through his recent emotional turmoil related to a difficult divorce that has left him feeling like he's been discarded. He candidly shares his thoughts, fears, and the challenges he has faced before and during this trying period, creating a poignant backdrop for the future stories on the podcast. Despite the hardships and the feeling of betrayal, Terry stands accountable for his actions and choices, consistently emphasizing the importance of two-sided effort in any relationship.
Terry also throws light on the issues of emotional manipulation in relationships and the importance of self-realization in healing these emotional wounds. He encourages listeners who might be in similar situations to take steps to heal themselves, protect their energy and begin a journey towards happiness irrespective of how arduous the process might be.
This episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast is more than just a story; it's an emotional roller coaster that offers valuable insights into dealing with adversities in life and relationships. As Terry continues on his healing journey, he invites you to join him and shares a powerful reminder not to justify your wounds simply because you still love the person who's causing them. Tune in for an emotional journey that assuages the pain and illuminates the path of healing.
00:00 - The Knucklehead Chronicles
00:52 - The Struggle
05:29 - Understanding Sacrifice
08:58 - Justifying Wounds
09:37 - Realizing the Pain
12:02 - The Healing Process
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All right, you guys, welcome to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles
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podcast, man. It's your boy, Terry.
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I know it's been a couple of weeks,
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a week or two since I've done one of these, but here I am, I'm back.
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I've had a lot of things go down over the time that I've been,
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so I'm going to update you guys here in a sec, so stay tuned.
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Welcome to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast. podcast.
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00:00:26,717 --> 00:00:30,797
This podcast was designed to let you know that you aren't the only one that
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00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:32,277
took forever to get it together.
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00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:51,760
Music.
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So the rabbit hole that you have stumbled down will hopefully help you understand
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that just when you think it's over, it's only the beginning.
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Just because you were dealt a bad hand doesn't mean you have to keep it.
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Welcome to the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast.
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And welcome back, you guys. It has been a couple of weeks since I've done one of these.
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So much stuff has happened emotionally over the past couple of weeks.
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It's been tough on a brother.
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You guys have been listening over the last couple of episodes,
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and your boy's going through a divorce. Divorce is really, really, really tough on me.
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And I'm wondering what day I'm going to wake up and I'm going to be okay.
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I pray for that every morning that I get up. And I say, well,
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God, if it's your day for me to be okay, I'm going to be okay.
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And for the most part, you guys, I am okay.
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But there are still aspects of this marriage that, or this divorce,
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that still haunts me and bothers me to this day.
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And I'm like, just one day, just one day, can I be okay?
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Can I wake up and say, okay, I'm healed from this, you know?
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And I don't know, but here's what I want to help everybody.
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And when I talk to you guys, this is a storytelling podcast.
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I haven't given you guys any stories, but this is kind of giving you the backdrop
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of the stories to come, right?
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And the biggest struggle, and this episode is called The Struggle, by the way.
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The biggest struggle that I have with this is being or feeling like I've been thrown away.
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You know, that's the toughest thing for me.
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Don't get me wrong. You know, you guys will listen. I made some bad choices
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and I stand on my bad choices. I have to stand on my bad choices and not take
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accountability for every action and bad choice that I made.
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But I also said that I'm not going to continue to be the only one to blame. I'm not going to do that.
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I'm just not going to do it. Not me.
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And that's the toughest part for me. The toughest part for me is to feel like
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that I've just been thrown away.
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Now, when I think about that, and just to give you guys a little bit more backdrop,
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I mean, I spent nine and a half years with this person.
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And we went through a lot, different struggles with our son being diagnosed
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with autism. Autism, that was one.
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You know, moving across country twice.
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You know, financial issues, things of this nature. I mean, there was a lot that was going on.
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And raising two kids that biologically weren't mine, but ended up being mine still to this day.
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And after the announcement came that she no longer wanted to be married,
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the attitude that was taken you know from her,
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like don't ever talk to me I mean you know I'm not I'm paraphrasing because
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this is not what she said like verbatim but this was her attitude toward me like,
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nine and a the last nine and a half years despite you know what she thought
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what I thought I mean that's still nine and a half years despite,
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being you know and splitting the way we split, it was still nine and a half years.
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There was points in this marriage where I was pissed off at her all the time.
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But in the demise, in the end of it, I do not harbor any ill will.
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Part of me, though, want to, but I can't seem to harbor any ill will toward
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her and I'm still trying to make amends, as it were.
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And she's showing me that all that is absolutely pointless about being me, right?
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But one day I woke up, maybe a couple weeks ago, and I just felt the overwhelming
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feeling of being thrown away.
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You know how when we have trash, we throw it out, right? We don't keep trash
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unless you're a hoarder.
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Hoarders keep trash, but most folks, when they have trash, they throw it out.
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And that's what I felt like.
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And that's the biggest struggle.
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Now, I used to wonder...
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All of my sacrificing, you know, I kind of get it, though, because the sacrificing
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mixed in with bad choices and bad situations.
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I get it. But it goes, it's the same on both sides of the fence.
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She ain't the only one that felt slighted and disrespected. She ain't the only
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one. She thinks she's the only one. She ain't the only one.
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I felt the way for a long time. I still do.
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But I just feel this overwhelming feeling of being thrown away and trying to
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make heads or tails and be like, I can't.
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Because it makes me borderline sad and it pisses me off all at the same time. Like, how dare you?
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You ain't the only one that sacrificed. You ain't the only one that,
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you know, held the family down. Held the family down when things were tough.
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When she left to go be with her dad, when he was on his deathbed,
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I supported the family the best I could.
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You know, took kids to school, picked them up. You know, I did everything that
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I was supposed to do as a father. I stepped up.
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And I just, it wasn't good enough. Right?
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And that's the realism of it. I don't even think that's a real word there, realism.
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And it's funny that after all this time, after all the feelings,
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after everything that we've gone through, I will never say no.
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Anything ill about her. Like I said, when I tell this story and people listen
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to my story and they ask me, like, man, are you serious?
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I'm like, yeah, I'm extremely serious. And then everybody that's on the outside,
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is like, man, please. I wouldn't give her no grace.
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But I'm not that dude. I'm just not that guy. And I'm like, you want to make it right.
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You know? But like I said in an earlier podcast episode earlier last year,
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I said, it takes two people.
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It takes two people to want to work something out.
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It takes two people to put on the gloves and go into the ring and fight for what is yours.
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Course, at the moment you realize that you're the only one fighting,
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it's time to leave the ring.
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And I'm at the place where it's time for me to take off the gloves and leave the ring.
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Now, in saying that, it's a lot easier said than done in a lot of cases.
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I read a post or I posted something on my Facebook and it said,
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let me think about it real quick because i'm losing my man i'm losing my memory
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here and it says don't justify the wounds,
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simply because you still love the one holding the knife god almighty let's check that again,
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and i will tell us to everybody who's listening stop justifying the wounds simply
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because you still love the one holding the knife.
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Listen, when I read that, when I saw that meme, it was a meme actually, I saw it.
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I posted it immediately because that was like, because that's where I am.
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And that's where a lot of us are.
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We are in situations to where you know,
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you're being stabbed and poked and prodded taken advantage of manipulated lied
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to and we still hold on to that we still hold on,
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because after a while we get numb to the pain.
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And even though I was in it, in the midst of it, I knew certain things.
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I felt certain things in my spirit, but because the communication wasn't there,
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I allowed myself to get stabbed over and over. And then she probably did the same thing.
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And through the form, we get numb to it.
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At some point, though, we have to get to a place to where I got to stop bleeding,
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because the saying also goes,
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you cannot heal in the same place you got cut or in this case, stabbed.
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So at some point, we got to let it all go. I have to let it all go.
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And now there's talk that she's leaving the state and she's going to take my
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son with her, which I feel a way about that. that I haven't processed that yet.
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But people make decisions in their life that is best for them.
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And I don't have a problem having a plane, you know, but I think the issue that
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I have the most is getting to the place where I'm going to watch my son grow up via video. Yeah.
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Not really happy with that, but like I said, I haven't processed that yet.
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So I really don't want to talk about, I really don't want to get into that because
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I haven't processed it, but But if you are listening to this podcast right now,
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and this is only, this is a short,
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you know, I don't keep you guys long, but if you are in a place or in a situation
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in a marriage, in a relationship.
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If you are in that, and you know that you are being stabbed,
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cut, whatever, insert analogy here, or whatever it is, we have to get to a place eventually.
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To where we have let it all go because it serves no purpose.
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It serves no purpose and it beats you down and it decimates you to the point
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where you can't even recognize your own self.
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And the possibility of healing becomes slim the longer you hold on.
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And this is just my thing. At some point, I want to heal from this. I love it.
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And the healing process starts with letting go.
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The healing process starts with coming to a realization about certain situations,
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about you, the other person, situation.
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There are certain realizations that we have to come to.
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Because once we come to those realizations, it's easier to get to a place of letting go.
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We have to protect our energy. We have to protect what's near and dear.
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There are other people that we have to worry about or deal with that we have to protect them as well.
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Some days are easier than others. because some would say it's easier said than
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done, but regardless of whether it's easier said than done, it has to be done.
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However you decide to get there, however I decide to get there,
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it has to be done because your life continues until your whatever higher power
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that you believe in decides to take you home.
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You have to live your life and you have to live it whole and you have to live it happy.
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But there are so many steps in order to get to that.
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This is what I'm learning is the accountability they have taken.
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You know, even though she tells me I'm a gaslighter and I'm all this admin,
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you know, she's some things just make me laugh.
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You know, in hindsight, but I get it.
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But I said all of that to say this get off from under the pain at some point,
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some of us have to some of us have to first realize that we are in pain,
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some of us have to first realize that we are being manipulated lied to cheated
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on we have to first see it because if we don't see it Lord knows can't nobody else tell you,
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so everyone who's listening thank you for listening to the podcast thank you
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for sharing this podcast thank you for being a part of this journey with me
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and my healing journey I appreciate every single one of you,
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and before I get out of here please like my meme said that I posted on Facebook.
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Don't justify new wounds anymore,
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don't don't justify the wounds anymore,
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just because you still love the person wielding the knife.
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And until next time, be blessed.
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Music.
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Thank you for listening. I hope I didn't fry your brain too bad.
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Come back through and give me another chance.
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You can listen on all platforms and visit us at knuckleheadchroniclespodcast.com dot com.
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Until next time, in the words of the incomparable.
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Music.
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All right, you guys, welcome to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles
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podcast, man. It's your boy, Terry.
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I know it's been a couple of weeks,
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a week or two since I've done one of these, but here I am, I'm back.
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I've had a lot of things go down over the time that I've been,
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so I'm going to update you guys here in a sec, so stay tuned.
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Welcome to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast. podcast.
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This podcast was designed to let you know that you aren't the only one that
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00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:32,277
took forever to get it together.
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00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:51,760
Music.
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So the rabbit hole that you have stumbled down will hopefully help you understand
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that just when you think it's over, it's only the beginning.
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Just because you were dealt a bad hand doesn't mean you have to keep it.
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Welcome to the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast.
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And welcome back, you guys. It has been a couple of weeks since I've done one of these.
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So much stuff has happened emotionally over the past couple of weeks.
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It's been tough on a brother.
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You guys have been listening over the last couple of episodes,
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and your boy's going through a divorce. Divorce is really, really, really tough on me.
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And I'm wondering what day I'm going to wake up and I'm going to be okay.
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I pray for that every morning that I get up. And I say, well,
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God, if it's your day for me to be okay, I'm going to be okay.
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And for the most part, you guys, I am okay.
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But there are still aspects of this marriage that, or this divorce,
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that still haunts me and bothers me to this day.
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And I'm like, just one day, just one day, can I be okay?
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Can I wake up and say, okay, I'm healed from this, you know?
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And I don't know, but here's what I want to help everybody.
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And when I talk to you guys, this is a storytelling podcast.
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I haven't given you guys any stories, but this is kind of giving you the backdrop
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of the stories to come, right?
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And the biggest struggle, and this episode is called The Struggle, by the way.
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The biggest struggle that I have with this is being or feeling like I've been thrown away.
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You know, that's the toughest thing for me.
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Don't get me wrong. You know, you guys will listen. I made some bad choices
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and I stand on my bad choices. I have to stand on my bad choices and not take
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accountability for every action and bad choice that I made.
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But I also said that I'm not going to continue to be the only one to blame. I'm not going to do that.
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I'm just not going to do it. Not me.
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And that's the toughest part for me. The toughest part for me is to feel like
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that I've just been thrown away.
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Now, when I think about that, and just to give you guys a little bit more backdrop,
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I mean, I spent nine and a half years with this person.
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And we went through a lot, different struggles with our son being diagnosed
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with autism. Autism, that was one.
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You know, moving across country twice.
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You know, financial issues, things of this nature. I mean, there was a lot that was going on.
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And raising two kids that biologically weren't mine, but ended up being mine still to this day.
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And after the announcement came that she no longer wanted to be married,
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the attitude that was taken you know from her,
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like don't ever talk to me I mean you know I'm not I'm paraphrasing because
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this is not what she said like verbatim but this was her attitude toward me like,
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nine and a the last nine and a half years despite you know what she thought
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what I thought I mean that's still nine and a half years despite,
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being you know and splitting the way we split, it was still nine and a half years.
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There was points in this marriage where I was pissed off at her all the time.
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But in the demise, in the end of it, I do not harbor any ill will.
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Part of me, though, want to, but I can't seem to harbor any ill will toward
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her and I'm still trying to make amends, as it were.
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And she's showing me that all that is absolutely pointless about being me, right?
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But one day I woke up, maybe a couple weeks ago, and I just felt the overwhelming
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feeling of being thrown away.
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You know how when we have trash, we throw it out, right? We don't keep trash
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unless you're a hoarder.
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Hoarders keep trash, but most folks, when they have trash, they throw it out.
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And that's what I felt like.
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And that's the biggest struggle.
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Now, I used to wonder...
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All of my sacrificing, you know, I kind of get it, though, because the sacrificing
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mixed in with bad choices and bad situations.
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I get it. But it goes, it's the same on both sides of the fence.
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She ain't the only one that felt slighted and disrespected. She ain't the only
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one. She thinks she's the only one. She ain't the only one.
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I felt the way for a long time. I still do.
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But I just feel this overwhelming feeling of being thrown away and trying to
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make heads or tails and be like, I can't.
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Because it makes me borderline sad and it pisses me off all at the same time. Like, how dare you?
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You ain't the only one that sacrificed. You ain't the only one that,
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you know, held the family down. Held the family down when things were tough.
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When she left to go be with her dad, when he was on his deathbed,
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I supported the family the best I could.
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You know, took kids to school, picked them up. You know, I did everything that
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I was supposed to do as a father. I stepped up.
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And I just, it wasn't good enough. Right?
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And that's the realism of it. I don't even think that's a real word there, realism.
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And it's funny that after all this time, after all the feelings,
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after everything that we've gone through, I will never say no.
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Anything ill about her. Like I said, when I tell this story and people listen
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to my story and they ask me, like, man, are you serious?
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I'm like, yeah, I'm extremely serious. And then everybody that's on the outside,
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is like, man, please. I wouldn't give her no grace.
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But I'm not that dude. I'm just not that guy. And I'm like, you want to make it right.
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You know? But like I said in an earlier podcast episode earlier last year,
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I said, it takes two people.
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It takes two people to want to work something out.
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It takes two people to put on the gloves and go into the ring and fight for what is yours.
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Course, at the moment you realize that you're the only one fighting,
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it's time to leave the ring.
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And I'm at the place where it's time for me to take off the gloves and leave the ring.
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Now, in saying that, it's a lot easier said than done in a lot of cases.
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I read a post or I posted something on my Facebook and it said,
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let me think about it real quick because i'm losing my man i'm losing my memory
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here and it says don't justify the wounds,
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simply because you still love the one holding the knife god almighty let's check that again,
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and i will tell us to everybody who's listening stop justifying the wounds simply
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because you still love the one holding the knife.
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Listen, when I read that, when I saw that meme, it was a meme actually, I saw it.
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I posted it immediately because that was like, because that's where I am.
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And that's where a lot of us are.
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We are in situations to where you know,
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you're being stabbed and poked and prodded taken advantage of manipulated lied
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to and we still hold on to that we still hold on,
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because after a while we get numb to the pain.
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And even though I was in it, in the midst of it, I knew certain things.
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I felt certain things in my spirit, but because the communication wasn't there,
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I allowed myself to get stabbed over and over. And then she probably did the same thing.
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And through the form, we get numb to it.
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At some point, though, we have to get to a place to where I got to stop bleeding,
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because the saying also goes,
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you cannot heal in the same place you got cut or in this case, stabbed.
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So at some point, we got to let it all go. I have to let it all go.
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And now there's talk that she's leaving the state and she's going to take my
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son with her, which I feel a way about that. that I haven't processed that yet.
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But people make decisions in their life that is best for them.
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And I don't have a problem having a plane, you know, but I think the issue that
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I have the most is getting to the place where I'm going to watch my son grow up via video. Yeah.
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Not really happy with that, but like I said, I haven't processed that yet.
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So I really don't want to talk about, I really don't want to get into that because
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I haven't processed it, but But if you are listening to this podcast right now,
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and this is only, this is a short,
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you know, I don't keep you guys long, but if you are in a place or in a situation
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in a marriage, in a relationship.
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If you are in that, and you know that you are being stabbed,
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cut, whatever, insert analogy here, or whatever it is, we have to get to a place eventually.
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To where we have let it all go because it serves no purpose.
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It serves no purpose and it beats you down and it decimates you to the point
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where you can't even recognize your own self.
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And the possibility of healing becomes slim the longer you hold on.
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And this is just my thing. At some point, I want to heal from this. I love it.
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And the healing process starts with letting go.
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The healing process starts with coming to a realization about certain situations,
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about you, the other person, situation.
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There are certain realizations that we have to come to.
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Because once we come to those realizations, it's easier to get to a place of letting go.
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We have to protect our energy. We have to protect what's near and dear.
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There are other people that we have to worry about or deal with that we have to protect them as well.
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Some days are easier than others. because some would say it's easier said than
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done, but regardless of whether it's easier said than done, it has to be done.
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However you decide to get there, however I decide to get there,
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it has to be done because your life continues until your whatever higher power
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that you believe in decides to take you home.
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You have to live your life and you have to live it whole and you have to live it happy.
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But there are so many steps in order to get to that.
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This is what I'm learning is the accountability they have taken.
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You know, even though she tells me I'm a gaslighter and I'm all this admin,
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you know, she's some things just make me laugh.
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You know, in hindsight, but I get it.
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But I said all of that to say this get off from under the pain at some point,
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some of us have to some of us have to first realize that we are in pain,
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some of us have to first realize that we are being manipulated lied to cheated
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on we have to first see it because if we don't see it Lord knows can't nobody else tell you,
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so everyone who's listening thank you for listening to the podcast thank you
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for sharing this podcast thank you for being a part of this journey with me
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and my healing journey I appreciate every single one of you,
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and before I get out of here please like my meme said that I posted on Facebook.
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Don't justify new wounds anymore,
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don't don't justify the wounds anymore,
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just because you still love the person wielding the knife.
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And until next time, be blessed.
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Music.
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Thank you for listening. I hope I didn't fry your brain too bad.
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Come back through and give me another chance.
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You can listen on all platforms and visit us at knuckleheadchroniclespodcast.com dot com.
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Until next time, in the words of the incomparable.
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Music.
