June 4, 2025

"Strawberry: The One That Got Away"

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Join Terry on this heartfelt episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast as he navigates through the tumultuous journey of his past relationships. Discover the stories of love, regret, and accountability as he shares his experiences with Strawberry, the woman who was a beacon of light in his life.

In this candid storytelling, Terry reflects on the mistakes he made and the importance of cherishing the ones who matter. With raw honesty, he opens up about the consequences of taking loved ones for granted and the personal growth he gained from these lessons.

Tune in to learn about the complexities of human relationships and the redemptive power of acknowledging our flaws.

00:37 - Episode Five: A Light in Darkness

01:44 - Introducing Strawberry

02:10 - Reflecting on Mistakes

03:43 - The Weight of Accountability

06:20 - Financial Struggles

07:47 - Life Choices and Consequences

13:19 - Crossing Boundaries

16:48 - The Moment of Truth

18:48 - The Final Goodbye

21:31 - The Need for Accountability

22:24 - Looking Ahead to Healing

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Music.

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So, welcome to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast,

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man. This is your boy, Terry.

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This is episode five of Let's Spin the Block One More Time.

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Listen, man, you know, I've taken you guys through a plethora of stories and

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things that, you know, half of the stuff that I've been through,

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I didn't even discuss, right?

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But what I'm going to get into, you know, because in the first four episodes,

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I was telling you the bad parts and bad things that happened to me.

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I'll tell you that everything that's happened in my life hasn't always been bad, right?

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I've had some tumultuous stories to tell. I've been through some crazy things.

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I've been, you know, I was telling a friend of mine the other night,

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I've been trapped in the closet.

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I've been, you know, under the table. I've done some of the craziest stuff,

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but I will say this, that there are some aspects of your life where you look

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back on it and you go, hmm.

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This wasn't all bad, and it was truly all my fault.

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Now, episode five, this is going to introduce Strawberry. This is my second spouse.

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Now, I've mentioned Strawberry in the last couple of episodes,

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and we'll be talking about Shirley and what she did. the bad things she did.

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But strawberry, I got to tell you, strawberry was a light in my life at the time that I needed it.

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When I say that this woman did absolutely nothing to me to deserve what she

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got, it's an understatement.

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And in this life, I mean, as men, we make those mistakes and we take granted

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that the gifts that God gives us and you know make a mockery of it or,

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we get to the point where you know oh she ain't going nowhere that was my thinking

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my thinking was oh she ain't going nowhere she's going to be here forever,

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not the case and I found out the hard way,

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Stramarie was one of those people you know you wish you could have a do over

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you know it's one of the things you wish you could have a do over and,

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there's not a person that's listening to this who does not have a person in

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their life that they say You know, I wish I had to do that again.

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I wish I could have made a left turn and have a correct answer to a right.

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And, you know, would things be different?

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You know, it's one of those shoulda, woulda, coulda situations in life.

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And, you know, you move on from it.

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You can't let it dictate you. You can't let it control you.

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I made buku mistakes with strawberry.

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And starting with Shirley, because of, like I said in episode four,

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because of my unwillingness to let Shirley go, I hurt her.

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I hurt her tremendously, and that wasn't the biggest hurt that I caused. I caused a lot of hurt.

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And one of the hurts that I have to do, One of the things as a man that we have

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to do is to learn how to take accountability for the mistakes and the bad choices.

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When I tell you I made some bad ones, and I keep saying that because I keep

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reiterating that because when I get through telling you this story,

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you're going to be like, Terry, you messed up big time.

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And one of the biggest stories, you know, outside of, you know,

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me leaving Strawberry in Chicago and, you know, me, you know,

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coming down to North Carolina and having her follow me and, you know, all this stuff.

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Let's Shirley go and just take her through a whole bunch of stuff.

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Made on Friday, if you get this into episode two, I think, to get that one.

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Just a whole bunch of stuff. But this is where life gets tricky.

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And like I said, this is my second marriage and we were trying I guess.

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For me it wasn't one that's trying because I did not know and here's the point

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that I did not know how to be a man see a lot of times,

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men think because they're 21 or 22 they think that they're men, that's not the truth,

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There's a little, there's an amount of work that has to be done before you can

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consider yourself a man.

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And it took me years to walk out of this man process. And I'm still, I'm 50.

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I still struggle in a lot of areas.

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But, you know, when I tell you that I had zero experience of being a man when

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I was married to this woman.

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And like I said, she didn't do anything to me. She did everything possible to make me happy.

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She would shut down an argument by giving me whatever I wanted just because

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she didn't want to hear me argue.

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You know what I'm saying? And it was that kind of a party.

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So I manipulated that and created that to love.

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That wasn't love. So that was a level of submission that she did to keep the noise down.

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But what I learned later on, that every time she did that, I'd get torn down whatever she had.

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So let me tell you, let me get to this story. It was pretty bad between us.

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And we're not talking about physically between us. We're talking about financially

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because I was handling my business as a man.

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I wasn't paying the bills. I was doing this. I was going to the church for money.

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I was doing all kinds of crazy stuff.

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And so the church that we went to, and I'm not going to name the church because

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it's people talking about this and may remember, but that's not the...

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What I would do was not pay a bill, something as important as the right bill,

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or even the rent for that matter.

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I don't want to put my phone on D&D because.

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My notifications want to go off on track of course. So I would go to the church

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every Sunday. I would go without paying a bill.

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There's a pay board. There's a pay board. I'll go to the church.

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I'll go to the pastor and be like, hey, I need component books, whatever, whatever.

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And so my pastor, I won't name him either, but he was a cool dude for a minute.

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He was like, okay, Brother, you're not having your business.

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You need to take care of that.

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So I was at church, and so I burned the bridge with the church,

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so I couldn't get any more money from that.

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So we were struggling. Initially, we were struggling.

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And so we ended up getting evicted from the home.

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No, actually, we moved from the home that we lived in, in my hometown.

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And we moved to Charlotte, moved to the city, you know, had a little house.

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I did, you know, like I said, I could tell you stories. I did dumb shit. I did dumb shit.

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Like, we had, we finally got a car, you know, and we had a nice running van,

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a silver Mercury Villager.

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Great vehicle. No, was it a great running car? I think it was.

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But anyway, it was a great running car. It was one of those buy here, pay here places. Right?

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And so if anybody who was listening to this and know anything about a buy here,

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pay here, they put some kind of device on your vehicle so it don't make you a painter.

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The computer on there could show up. So that's what, you know, our first vehicle was.

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We had this little box on it, and your payment was due by a certain day, right?

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And if you didn't pay it, you had two days. And so after those two days,

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after midnight hit, if you made your payment, wherever that car was,

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that's where it stayed because it wasn't going to crank. You know what I'm saying?

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That's kind of one of those.

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And so I got into a lot of recognition about that.

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And so what I did one day is I went over to the dealership and took the good

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running car and traded it in for an updated model.

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It was a Ford Windstar.

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You guys know anything about me, man? I got that thing on Ford Windstar and

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brought it back to the house.

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I got it on a Friday. It booked out on Monday. The transmission went out on a Monday.

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Just stupid stuff it's stupid shit it's stupid when you think about it like

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you made some dumb mistakes bro yeah,

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But so I did that. So I just made all kinds of financial mistakes, made the bad choices.

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And so we ended up moving to the city.

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And we lived in a house in a nice development in the cul-de-sac.

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Our landlord was a guy that I worked with at Wachowin.

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And, you know, I think we lived in that house for a couple of months.

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And we didn't have any gas. so we didn't have hot nothing. We didn't have hot

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water. We didn't have nothing.

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And so, because I wouldn't pay the bill. I wouldn't pay the bill.

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I was just that lazy. I didn't pay the bill.

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So, we finally got the gas cut off.

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We got evicted the next week. So, it was pointless. Gas cut off.

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So, we got, we actually moved out of the house for the eviction game.

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Moving to another house up across town, maybe. Nice house, nice two-story house.

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And we stayed in that house for a month. That house didn't stay.

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We got evicted from that house.

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They paid the rent. Thank you. The month that we moved into the house,

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my mom died. This is a no seven.

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My mom died no seven, so it was just a terrible month. Got evicted.

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Mom died. It was just bad.

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So if you've never been a part of an eviction, that is the scariest because

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the sheriff's deputies come to your house and they tell you,

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you have an hour to get all your stuff.

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And so happened my best friend lived across the street.

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And my best friend, I won't name him because if anybody know me,

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know him. You know, so we're not going to name him.

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So he lived across the street and he had a nice, you know, big old house and

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he had some kids and he had an enclosed garage.

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And so I called him up and I was like hey man we can evict that you know,

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he gave me the run he gave me the he gave me the 411 and was like yo bro why

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you ain't handling your business man why you not handling your business why

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you not doing what you're supposed to do I went through all that you know how

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many times I got that not handling your business speech,

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in that portion of my life I didn't care to hear it anymore you know what I'm

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saying even if you're gonna help but you ain't right,

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and so we were getting evicted and we ended up moving in with him and he was enclosed.

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Closed garage.

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Now, mind you, he's married. He's got four kids in the house,

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and they all lived upstairs, and we lived in an enclosed garage.

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And he had another house guest who lived with him. That was Rick.

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And Rick was, it's a lot of words that describe Rick. Rick was stuck, though.

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He was homeless. He was staying with Sharon. Oh, my bad. They used to end with my best friend.

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And so we talked to that.

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Now, my best friend started his own ministry, and I was his armor bearer.

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So I was deep in the church. I was with him, you know, saying wherever he went, I went.

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You know, if he had meetings, no.

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But not to drag the story out, this is what happened. He started the ministry,

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and there was a young lady that went to the same will. went to,

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he shared a space with another pastor.

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The pastor did the morning services at his building, and then my best friend

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did his services in the afternoon at the same building.

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So this young lady decided to leave the first pastor's church and join my best friend's ministry.

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I was smitten. I'm not even going to lie. I was smitten.

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But she was a friend of the church she was a friend of the family we all hung

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together, hid together, prayed together all that,

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the mistake that I made the bad choice that I made was I got too close to the

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young lady way too close to the cover,

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and I ended up long story short I ended up cheating on my wife who's done absolutely

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nothing to me, was this young lady,

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who was my wife's friend, was Strawberry's friend.

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And they ran together, they ran errands together, they weren't that close,

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but they were close enough to where we all shared the same space.

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And I ended up cheating on her with this young lady.

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And what I tell you, if you guys don't believe that karma's a bitch.

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Karma's a bitch big time.

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Because at the time, I was unemployed and I could not find a job.

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I could not. And as long as I was doing whatever I was doing with the other

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young lady, nothing came to fruition. Nothing.

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And so, there's a cautionary tale in this. I guarantee you at the end of the

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day, it's a cautionary tale.

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But we kept, And this is how, this is how, this is how Strawberry found out, okay?

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This is the time of where cell phones was just hitting the scene, right?

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And we had one cell phone that we shared between the two of them, right?

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And so, again, you know, we're struggling financially. She's working third shift,

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you know, and it was a man. It got to the point where it was a man.

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So this one particular evening, I had public sleep, took a nap,

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you know, and I had woken up the hard way, you know, with a smack or I can't

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remember what she did exactly with a smack or she, she shut me real hard out of my sleep.

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And she was like, but I really believe that she already had an inkling that

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something was going on, but just did not say anything.

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To the point where we had gotten so bad at financial straits that we actually

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went to her, and she was married.

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We went to her and her husband and stayed with them. I think we stayed with

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them. I can't remember exactly.

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But the husband didn't know that I was dealing with his wife.

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So I really didn't know how I was sleeping with her. But they both found out

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at the same time. It was really, really weird.

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It was dangerous, you know, really weird.

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So just one particular day, like I said, I took a nap, and she woke me up vigorously

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and was like, hey, need to wake up.

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You know, what's going on between you and so-and-so? I'm not going to get around

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that because I might know her.

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But what's going on between you and so-and-so? I was like, no,

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what's he talking about? You know, the text messages say, you know,

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telling you she loves you and all this other good stuff.

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And that is when she found out, I can't even, to this day, I can't even imagine

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the pain that she felt today to find out that I, her husband,

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was sleeping with someone that we ran with in the same circles.

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And hurtful, even hurtful. and she took her power back at that point because

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she had lived so long trying to make me happy that she didn't care who she was.

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In this particular instance, she was like, I'm done. Oh, sir,

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you're not going to do this to me.

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And she decided that she was out.

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And I begged, I pleaded, and I said, God, please.

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I made a mistake, da-da-da-da-da-da.

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And that was the worst. That was the worst. That was the worst.

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And I begged that woman, oh my goodness, you think King Sweat begged a little

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bit? Man, King Sweat didn't have nothing on me.

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You know, I was begging, but it took no avail.

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So she ended up saying, wow, and she packed up her stuff and said another word

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to me. She packed up her stuff and,

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packed the house up. The kids were already gone. No, her two big kids were already

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gone to Chicago to visit their dad. This was a summer trip.

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And so, this is in 2009.

00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:03.640
This is a couple of years after. It went downhill fast. It wasn't even,

00:18:03.860 --> 00:18:06.560
you know, it wasn't long and drawed out. It went downhill fast.

00:18:07.040 --> 00:18:10.480
And so, the kids were already gone to visit their dad. And so,

00:18:10.500 --> 00:18:13.840
she only had her youngest daughter with her.

00:18:14.340 --> 00:18:22.580
And so, She packed up the house, put up all her stuff, and I watched her drive away.

00:18:25.380 --> 00:18:30.520
After seven years, at this point, it was seven years, six years of marriage

00:18:30.520 --> 00:18:32.920
at this point, she drove away.

00:18:33.480 --> 00:18:40.360
And there's nothing in this life that's more debilitating to watch someone that

00:18:40.360 --> 00:18:43.420
you know you love drive away, walk away from you.

00:18:44.080 --> 00:18:47.920
It's one thing to know they welcomed me. It's another thing to watch them do it.

00:18:48.820 --> 00:18:52.460
And it was tough. But at the same time, I couldn't blame myself.

00:18:52.600 --> 00:18:54.720
Now, here's the cautionary tale. The cautionary tale is this.

00:18:55.580 --> 00:19:00.640
If you have something or someone in your life that's important and you know

00:19:00.640 --> 00:19:10.560
that they are important and need to be cherished, and you know that, let's preserve it.

00:19:11.120 --> 00:19:15.880
Because when I tell you I did it, and I hope she listens to this at some point.

00:19:15.980 --> 00:19:16.960
Maybe she will, maybe she won't.

00:19:17.300 --> 00:19:20.320
But you can't take none of that shit back.

00:19:21.060 --> 00:19:27.240
None of it. No matter how much you've been complete, no matter how many times

00:19:27.240 --> 00:19:29.820
you say, you know, it'll never happen again.

00:19:30.100 --> 00:19:35.700
You can't take none of that shit back because I just one day I woke up and I

00:19:35.700 --> 00:19:38.440
had to think about it wasn't just that.

00:19:39.140 --> 00:19:45.680
It was years before the stuff that I did that chipped away from love for me.

00:19:45.900 --> 00:19:48.180
It wasn't just a, that was just a straw.

00:19:48.540 --> 00:19:51.120
But I'm telling you, fellas, listen to me, man.

00:19:52.460 --> 00:19:56.280
Just because one thing happened doesn't mean, and she walks away,

00:19:56.440 --> 00:19:58.820
doesn't mean it was that one thing that made her walk away.

00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:01.340
Trust me, when a woman walks away, there's a reason.

00:20:01.860 --> 00:20:05.540
When she walks away, it's because you already torn her down.

00:20:06.120 --> 00:20:11.960
That's exactly what happened to me. when I tell you the entire six years that I was with her,

00:20:13.202 --> 00:20:17.062
Imagine, there was always something that I was doing that was.

00:20:19.302 --> 00:20:23.302
And she took it on the chin. When I tell you she took it on the chin,

00:20:23.622 --> 00:20:25.722
and there was a lot of times she didn't say jack.

00:20:25.862 --> 00:20:29.042
She was just like, you know what? Okay. Okay.

00:20:29.842 --> 00:20:34.702
And any time a woman says, okay, it's never a good player. It's never good.

00:20:35.942 --> 00:20:44.882
So let's be mindful, man. We are in a different society now to where it's not that easy.

00:20:45.742 --> 00:20:49.582
You already know you can't take shit back, right?

00:20:50.202 --> 00:20:56.302
These women are already in this mindset of, I don't need you, bro.

00:20:56.422 --> 00:20:59.042
I want you. I want you. I don't need you.

00:20:59.922 --> 00:21:04.682
And that's what Strawberry did. She said, you know, I love you to death,

00:21:04.722 --> 00:21:09.702
but I'm not going to take this. and I've talked to many of them.

00:21:10.482 --> 00:21:15.482
One of my best friends down in Louisiana right now, she's, I love you,

00:21:15.822 --> 00:21:18.762
but I'm not. You know, I'm not going to do this with you.

00:21:19.362 --> 00:21:24.482
I've been through X amount of number of years of feeling this way,

00:21:24.682 --> 00:21:27.102
and you've done nothing but chip away.

00:21:27.942 --> 00:21:30.942
Whatever love that I have left, you need to play at it.

00:21:31.802 --> 00:21:35.962
We're talking about Fred Flintstone, you know, sitting here,

00:21:36.542 --> 00:21:37.522
chipping away and stuff.

00:21:37.742 --> 00:21:43.522
And we have to at some point stop and take accountability for what we do.

00:21:44.082 --> 00:21:47.682
We did, we said, we got to take accountability for it.

00:21:48.122 --> 00:21:51.362
Because just because you say, I'm sorry, don't make it better.

00:21:51.622 --> 00:21:56.562
It don't. It really, really don't. And you're going to end up,

00:21:56.742 --> 00:22:00.762
like I did, looking stupid and wondering and begging and pleading.

00:22:01.262 --> 00:22:06.002
I went into a whole, you know, after she left, you know, this is in episode six.

00:22:06.522 --> 00:22:08.942
After she left the depression that I went through.

00:22:10.362 --> 00:22:16.222
And then I had the nerve to blame other people. Like, who's to blame here?

00:22:16.722 --> 00:22:20.382
I can't blame the next person because I screwed up.

00:22:20.802 --> 00:22:24.562
You know what I'm saying? I went to a phase of drinking and all that good stuff.

00:22:24.642 --> 00:22:28.382
We'll get to that in episode six. But listen, listen,

00:22:28.974 --> 00:22:33.054
When I tell you, there's a lot of bright spots in my life.

00:22:33.714 --> 00:22:39.954
Let's be clear there. A lot of bright spots. A lot of people who have been great to me.

00:22:40.414 --> 00:22:44.214
I've met a lot of wonderful women that have been great to me.

00:22:45.134 --> 00:22:53.154
But when I tell you that one, Strawberry, that one, never done anything bad

00:22:53.154 --> 00:22:57.494
to me, never lied to me, never cussed me out, never did any of that.

00:22:58.034 --> 00:23:02.914
And took everything I did to her on the chin, the cheating, the flirting,

00:23:03.494 --> 00:23:05.934
the lack of financial stability, all of that.

00:23:06.114 --> 00:23:10.954
She took all of that on the chin, and because she loved me so much, she took it.

00:23:11.614 --> 00:23:15.594
But that final straw was like, I'm it. Fellas, I'm telling you,

00:23:16.154 --> 00:23:20.354
if you don't think there's a final straw, I promise you it is.

00:23:20.534 --> 00:23:22.734
I promise you it's a final straw.

00:23:22.974 --> 00:23:25.874
And if you ain't ready, it's going to jack you all the way up.

00:23:25.934 --> 00:23:28.414
I'm telling you. I'm telling you, it's going to jack you all the way up.

00:23:29.054 --> 00:23:33.954
So if you enjoyed episode five, man, listen, you can follow this podcast on

00:23:33.954 --> 00:23:37.014
knuckleheadchroniclespodcast.podbean.com.

00:23:37.174 --> 00:23:39.334
You can listen on Spotify, YouTube.

00:23:40.414 --> 00:23:44.494
I'll put some clips on TikTok and Facebook, but you can follow this podcast

00:23:44.494 --> 00:23:46.034
on those particular platforms.

00:23:46.234 --> 00:23:51.594
Check me out. If you have any questions, any topics for me to talk about on

00:23:51.594 --> 00:23:55.834
the podcast, you can email me at knuckleheadchroniclespodcast.gmail.

00:23:56.814 --> 00:24:00.674
And until next time, man, I want to see you guys down the line.

00:24:05.974 --> 00:24:09.314
Thank you for listening. I hope I didn't fry your brain too bad.

00:24:09.594 --> 00:24:13.974
Come back through and give me another chance. You can listen on all platforms

00:24:13.974 --> 00:24:18.954
and visit us at knuckleheadchroniclespodcast.podbean.com.

00:24:19.074 --> 00:24:21.314
Until next time, in the words of the interview.

00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:54.380
Music.