June 9, 2025
From Friendship to Fallout: A Cautionary Tale of Emotional Battles
The player is loading ...
In this gripping episode of Knucklehead Chronicles, Terry takes listeners on a profound journey through one of the darkest periods of his life. It all began in 2009 with the departure of someone dear, leading to unexpected emotional turmoil and heartbreak.
Terry shares his struggle with depression, the isolation from friends and family, and the desperate coping mechanisms he adopted during this tumultuous time. He recounts the rocky road of seeking support, only to be met with disappointment and betrayal from a long-time friend, culminating in a regrettable confrontation.
This deeply personal narrative serves as a cautionary tale about the importance of handling emotions constructively and not letting past traumas bleed into new beginnings. As Terry reflects on this challenging chapter, he emphasizes the power of emotional resilience, redemption, and the crucial role of supportive relationships.
Listeners are invited to connect with Terry as he offers insights, shares lessons learned, and continues his mission to inspire through storytelling. Join the Knucklehead Chronicles community on Spotify, Facebook, and Podbean, and reach out at knuckleheadchroniclespodcast@gmail.com.
00:40 - Welcome to Knucklehead Chronicles
01:44 - Embracing Darkness
04:43 - The Hermit Life
08:55 - A Call for Support
14:53 - The Fight with a Friend
15:14 - Lessons in Emotions
20:14 - Closing Thoughts
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:34.320
Music.
00:00:34.697 --> 00:00:40.297
And what's going on, you guys? Another episode of Knucklehead Chronicles podcast. It is your boy, Terry.
00:00:40.397 --> 00:00:43.817
I mean, this is the Spin the Block. This is episode six.
00:00:45.277 --> 00:00:50.057
And just to give you guys, I hope you guys have been listening and able to keep
00:00:50.057 --> 00:00:56.337
up and not have to do a lot of recapping in these episodes. But if I have to, I will.
00:00:56.557 --> 00:01:02.657
Now, we are at the point of the story where Strawberry has left.
00:01:02.937 --> 00:01:11.617
She's gone. This is in year 2009, I think it is, and she's gone and I'm left
00:01:11.617 --> 00:01:14.417
with the shamble of it all.
00:01:14.657 --> 00:01:19.137
I mean, we're talking about the shame of it all, the embarrassment.
00:01:19.137 --> 00:01:22.317
There was a lot of embarrassment that was going on or that happened.
00:01:22.637 --> 00:01:26.737
But this part of my life was really dark, right?
00:01:26.797 --> 00:01:32.677
And I'm thankful for a lot of people that were in my life at that point.
00:01:32.677 --> 00:01:34.337
I mean, we're talking about my eldest daughter.
00:01:34.477 --> 00:01:37.157
We're talking about my baby's mother.
00:01:37.997 --> 00:01:41.297
I don't know. I don't give her name. But those of you that know me know my oldest
00:01:41.297 --> 00:01:43.957
daughter, know her mother. But we don't have to give names out here.
00:01:44.657 --> 00:01:47.677
But if it wasn't for them, I don't think I would have made it.
00:01:48.977 --> 00:01:52.457
So just to give you guys a little bit of backdrop, okay? This is where it's going to get.
00:01:53.097 --> 00:01:56.517
Really, really, really, really nuts. And so I'm going to have to have you guys
00:01:56.517 --> 00:01:58.777
to stay with me here when I'm doing this.
00:02:00.077 --> 00:02:04.197
Now, before me and Sharpay broke up, and you know I was in,
00:02:05.170 --> 00:02:12.690
You know, you have, I had a friend that was, I'm going to get my music here.
00:02:13.210 --> 00:02:18.070
So I had a friend that I flowed with in high school.
00:02:19.510 --> 00:02:24.010
And we were really good friends. We stayed friends as adults, right?
00:02:24.330 --> 00:02:29.730
So once me and Strawberry was on the verge of splitting up, we haven't really split up yet.
00:02:30.930 --> 00:02:35.550
But she was exiting, you know, packing up and moving. And I had to figure out
00:02:35.550 --> 00:02:37.870
what the hell I was going to do with my life, right?
00:02:38.170 --> 00:02:41.070
So this friend of mine, I mean, we've been friends forever and a day.
00:02:41.230 --> 00:02:44.770
So, you know, I thought he was my, you know, he was my support.
00:02:44.910 --> 00:02:45.910
I don't give his name either.
00:02:46.430 --> 00:02:49.270
Nobody might know this story. They know me. Just to listen to this,
00:02:49.770 --> 00:02:50.650
know who I'm talking about.
00:02:50.830 --> 00:02:58.090
But so I reached out to him and he lived in Greensboro, which is about maybe
00:02:58.090 --> 00:03:00.370
an hour and a half before we lived in Charlotte.
00:03:00.910 --> 00:03:04.030
And so I reached out to him and I was letting him know that,
00:03:04.130 --> 00:03:08.430
hey, I'm going to go through this divorce and I'm going to go through all this bad stuff in my life.
00:03:08.790 --> 00:03:11.550
You know, I need, I needed support. Right.
00:03:12.130 --> 00:03:15.710
And so he was like, man, you know, you can always come and live with me.
00:03:16.010 --> 00:03:19.430
Right. You can always come and we can make it work and all that.
00:03:20.190 --> 00:03:23.290
So I ended up, so that was my contingency plan.
00:03:23.410 --> 00:03:27.510
That was my plan B. she was leaving, I'm going to go to Greensboro and live
00:03:27.510 --> 00:03:30.410
with my friend who's been my friend for, you know, 20 plus years.
00:03:30.910 --> 00:03:37.630
So anyhow, I leave and technically I left the house before Strawberry did.
00:03:38.150 --> 00:03:42.450
You know, I know people will be like, oh man, you left her like to do all that.
00:03:42.650 --> 00:03:48.390
And you know, she, I did because I just, I couldn't stand the pain of watching her leave.
00:03:48.930 --> 00:03:52.170
So, or it could be selfishness or it could be petty or whatever you're,
00:03:52.290 --> 00:03:55.650
you know, I'm sure somebody's going to formulate an opinion and reach out to
00:03:55.650 --> 00:03:58.090
me and tell me, boy, you wrong for that right there.
00:03:58.770 --> 00:04:02.210
So I ended up, you know, at this point in my life, I was just,
00:04:02.390 --> 00:04:04.430
I was, you know, after that.
00:04:05.215 --> 00:04:12.735
Part, I steeped into a level of depression. You guys would not believe, right?
00:04:13.035 --> 00:04:18.795
So I left, I went to Greensboro and lived with my friend.
00:04:18.955 --> 00:04:27.475
And my friend was, I don't know if he got to a Muslim, he started teaching or
00:04:27.475 --> 00:04:32.135
living in the Muslim lifestyle, you know, things of that nature.
00:04:33.455 --> 00:04:36.695
And he was very tough on me.
00:04:37.315 --> 00:04:42.675
Now, I say tough, love. I think it was, you know, I think tough was an understatement.
00:04:43.035 --> 00:04:47.795
So I go over and live with him. And when I tell you guys that I was in a state
00:04:47.795 --> 00:04:54.755
of depression that you would not believe, I became what they call a hermit.
00:04:57.275 --> 00:05:01.135
And when I say hermit, I did not. I had my own room.
00:05:02.175 --> 00:05:08.315
Excuse me, I had my own room and I had a PlayStation 2 and, you know,
00:05:08.415 --> 00:05:09.855
I was kind of living my best life.
00:05:10.215 --> 00:05:13.615
I mean, not my best life, but let me rephrase that. I was living,
00:05:13.915 --> 00:05:16.095
I was existing at that point in time.
00:05:16.535 --> 00:05:22.615
And so when I tell you I lived a Hermit lifestyle, I stayed in that room,
00:05:23.055 --> 00:05:24.935
did not leave out of that room.
00:05:25.435 --> 00:05:32.215
I was in there. Like he had a girlfriend that they lived together and stuff like that.
00:05:32.375 --> 00:05:34.855
And I did not, they never saw me ever.
00:05:35.355 --> 00:05:41.715
The only time that I came out of that room was to either sneak something to
00:05:41.715 --> 00:05:44.355
eat or to go to the bathroom.
00:05:44.795 --> 00:05:49.475
And this is number two, we're not talking about, you know, because when I was
00:05:49.475 --> 00:05:54.635
living in that hermit lifestyle, when I was in that level of depression, right?
00:05:55.196 --> 00:05:59.596
I would order out, or he would bring me something from a restaurant,
00:06:00.116 --> 00:06:03.196
and I would always get the extra
00:06:03.196 --> 00:06:07.736
large sodas or whatever, the extra large drinks, just to keep the cups.
00:06:09.036 --> 00:06:12.976
Because I was so low in my depression, and I'm not trying to be nasty or anything
00:06:12.976 --> 00:06:16.976
like that, but I was so low in my depression at that point in time to where
00:06:16.976 --> 00:06:23.356
I didn't come out of the room, and I would actually urinate in these cups.
00:06:24.356 --> 00:06:28.016
I would only I would urinate in these cups so that way I would not have to go
00:06:28.016 --> 00:06:33.756
out of the room now the next morning when he went to work and when she went to work I would come out,
00:06:34.456 --> 00:06:39.256
and you know empty those cups of course and stuff like that and he had two,
00:06:39.876 --> 00:06:44.336
big old pit bulls and it was my responsibility to take care of the pit bulls
00:06:44.336 --> 00:06:48.496
because I wasn't working or anything like that so I would in the morning I would
00:06:48.496 --> 00:06:53.976
get up and then he had the dogs in the house and so the dogs would shit every fucking way.
00:06:55.116 --> 00:06:58.656
And that was my responsibility to clean all that up.
00:06:58.956 --> 00:07:04.216
I said all that to say this, is that I was just such in a bad way, like emotionally.
00:07:04.936 --> 00:07:09.116
And so it got to the point where I started drinking. Now, those of you that
00:07:09.116 --> 00:07:11.636
know me, know I don't drink.
00:07:12.136 --> 00:07:17.336
But in that moment of my life, you know, I was drinking.
00:07:17.716 --> 00:07:20.996
Why could I bother the court? I mean, it didn't matter to me because I just
00:07:20.996 --> 00:07:22.456
felt like I wanted to die.
00:07:23.656 --> 00:07:27.736
Because of the emotional battle that I didn't want to take.
00:07:27.916 --> 00:07:35.836
See, a lot of times, you know, we enter into these emotional battles and we're not ready mentally.
00:07:36.596 --> 00:07:39.756
And it takes us for a loop. And that's exactly what happened to me is that I
00:07:39.756 --> 00:07:44.236
was in this emotional battle because I lost something that I thought,
00:07:44.416 --> 00:07:48.116
you know, that I held dear, even though I took advantage of it, even though.
00:07:49.489 --> 00:07:55.969
I treat it like crap, but it took an emotional toll on me.
00:07:57.149 --> 00:08:01.549
So I was like, hey, I got to get out of this. I remember my daughter called
00:08:01.549 --> 00:08:04.489
me once and she was like, hey, are you okay?
00:08:04.769 --> 00:08:07.249
You should come down here and chill out with us.
00:08:08.249 --> 00:08:11.709
And so they came and they would pick on the weekends.
00:08:14.509 --> 00:08:19.149
I had been with him for maybe three or four months before that started happening.
00:08:19.609 --> 00:08:24.989
And so I started going down to visit my baby mama, and nobody else thought I'd
00:08:24.989 --> 00:08:26.409
spend time with them, their family.
00:08:27.009 --> 00:08:29.749
They really supported me in that time emotionally, you know what I mean?
00:08:30.229 --> 00:08:35.109
If it wasn't for them, I mean, I got to tell you, I'd probably not be if it wasn't for them.
00:08:35.649 --> 00:08:41.129
But I would go, I would spend weeks at a time with them because I did not want
00:08:41.129 --> 00:08:45.589
to go back to the hell that was because that whole situation,
00:08:46.269 --> 00:08:51.289
that whole situation, it just seems like, it felt like the seventh circle of
00:08:51.289 --> 00:08:54.869
hell and I was in there and I knew I was a hermit.
00:08:55.009 --> 00:08:57.369
I knew I didn't go anywhere. I had no motivation.
00:08:57.669 --> 00:09:01.909
I wouldn't go look for a job. I didn't have a car and I just beat myself up
00:09:01.909 --> 00:09:05.629
every single day to the point where I'm trying to tell you, anybody that's listening
00:09:05.629 --> 00:09:09.849
to this, I'm sure I got a few listeners that's going to listen to this and they're
00:09:09.849 --> 00:09:10.949
going to call me and they're going to be like,
00:09:11.449 --> 00:09:13.369
man, was it really that bad? Yes.
00:09:13.769 --> 00:09:16.429
It was really that bad. Actually worse. It was like worse point.
00:09:16.689 --> 00:09:19.129
It was worse 2.0. That's how bad it was.
00:09:19.929 --> 00:09:24.169
And only because I didn't want to, you know, and only because I did not want
00:09:24.169 --> 00:09:26.269
to face what had happened.
00:09:27.669 --> 00:09:34.069
So I lived with him and it was just a terrible situation and it got worse with him.
00:09:34.449 --> 00:09:39.449
And so it was one particular weekend and this is how I'm going to end this here in a little bit.
00:09:39.549 --> 00:09:44.429
This is going to be a short one. But I ended, our situation ended just like this.
00:09:44.569 --> 00:09:48.749
Now, mind you, let's refresh it.
00:09:49.169 --> 00:09:53.249
Mind you, this man has been my friend for over 20 years, right?
00:09:53.729 --> 00:09:56.369
We went through hell together. We got in the car wrecks together.
00:09:56.969 --> 00:10:01.849
He was my guy, right? So this one particular weekend, we was out.
00:10:02.449 --> 00:10:05.429
He had some friends over, had a bunch of friends over.
00:10:05.529 --> 00:10:10.329
They had a party, right? And I was still living that hermit lifestyle to where
00:10:10.329 --> 00:10:13.849
I didn't come out, you know, I didn't really follow people.
00:10:14.509 --> 00:10:21.509
And so he called me out this one weekend and we had both been drinking.
00:10:21.849 --> 00:10:23.269
And he drank, he drank, he drank.
00:10:24.009 --> 00:10:27.829
He was a professional drinker. I wasn't, you know, so I couldn't hold my liquor.
00:10:28.989 --> 00:10:32.729
So he had been drinking and he's showing out in front of his friends or whatever.
00:10:32.849 --> 00:10:39.489
He was like, no, I'm the man of this house. You know, if you guys know, just a short break here.
00:10:41.009 --> 00:10:44.409
If you've ever seen that comedy skit on Facebook or Instagram or whatever,
00:10:45.169 --> 00:10:49.029
and the comedy skit was, my roommate pay all the bills, that was him.
00:10:49.309 --> 00:10:56.109
He was very dominant and would tell people the dominance that he had over me
00:10:56.109 --> 00:11:03.769
because I allowed that to take place because there was no man left in me. I can be honest with you.
00:11:04.829 --> 00:11:06.609
And so this one particular, like I said, this one particular weekend,
00:11:06.629 --> 00:11:11.229
he got drunk. He had a party. He had friends over. I had about five or six people over there.
00:11:11.729 --> 00:11:16.209
And he was just belligerent out of his ass. He was just belligerent.
00:11:16.489 --> 00:11:21.409
And so he was like, no, Terry, come out of your room. Get your ass out of there.
00:11:22.329 --> 00:11:26.929
And so because of the peer pressure, I went ahead and came on out.
00:11:27.249 --> 00:11:31.889
And we were sitting down. We were playing video games now. It was a winter storm that happened.
00:11:32.309 --> 00:11:40.069
And so we go outside, and we're playing football. You know, he's a very competitive guy anyway.
00:11:40.649 --> 00:11:45.489
And so I just wasn't, I wasn't interested. And so because of this,
00:11:45.749 --> 00:11:50.789
he just, he just really put the bully, the bully effect was on that weekend.
00:11:51.869 --> 00:11:57.449
And so he picked, so what he did was he picked a fight with me in front of his people.
00:11:58.029 --> 00:12:00.669
And I was like, dude, I'm not going to fight you in front of these people.
00:12:00.729 --> 00:12:01.189
I don't know these people.
00:12:01.489 --> 00:12:04.269
I don't even know who is you. Where you come from? Like, why,
00:12:04.429 --> 00:12:07.469
why now you want to pick a fight with me? I get it. You're frustrated.
00:12:08.029 --> 00:12:11.149
Because I was lazy. I get it, right?
00:12:11.929 --> 00:12:14.709
But I never thought that it would come to blows.
00:12:15.729 --> 00:12:21.349
So he kept going, kept going. And so finally, you know, after about three hours
00:12:21.349 --> 00:12:25.149
of getting bullied by this guy in front of his people, you know,
00:12:25.209 --> 00:12:28.609
and all that, I was like, you know what? F this.
00:12:29.558 --> 00:12:32.678
If you want this, come get it. That's kind of how it was.
00:12:33.738 --> 00:12:38.638
And I just could not bathom, you know, that it would come to that.
00:12:38.818 --> 00:12:46.798
So I didn't think, you know, we had words, but nothing came to fruition right then, right?
00:12:47.158 --> 00:12:52.198
It wasn't until the people left that he decided that he wanted to get Brody, right?
00:12:53.398 --> 00:12:57.198
So next thing I know, he's picking up right again. I mean, they're gone,
00:12:57.338 --> 00:13:00.378
and it's just me, him, and his girlfriend. They're gone.
00:13:01.158 --> 00:13:06.078
And so he picks a fight with me and then tells me, oh, I heard about you trying
00:13:06.078 --> 00:13:07.818
to holler at my girl, da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:13:08.058 --> 00:13:11.878
And he just went, I mean, I tell you, belligerent to another level.
00:13:12.658 --> 00:13:17.118
Next thing I know, I'm walking, I went to the bathroom and I come out of the bathroom.
00:13:17.418 --> 00:13:22.958
I'm walking back into my bedroom. The next thing I know, I can feel him running
00:13:22.958 --> 00:13:27.478
toward me because the house that we lived in was very unstable.
00:13:27.478 --> 00:13:34.678
And, you know, it's like, it was like somebody picked the whole house up on a crane and dropped it.
00:13:34.838 --> 00:13:37.338
And the house was like split down the middle.
00:13:37.598 --> 00:13:43.918
You can feel the steep on both sides of the house. And so I'm walking to my bedroom.
00:13:44.618 --> 00:13:49.578
And so I'm on a downslope, you know. And this dude literally jumps on me,
00:13:49.878 --> 00:13:54.338
jumps on me and, you know, pounds me in the back of the head.
00:13:54.338 --> 00:13:58.098
And, you know, and maybe it was just really, really ugly.
00:13:58.278 --> 00:14:02.218
And, you know, I thought he was trying to kill me.
00:14:02.298 --> 00:14:06.678
The blows that he was trying to land, when we talking about fist-elbow combos,
00:14:06.718 --> 00:14:09.298
and I'm thinking, just do it and kill me.
00:14:10.138 --> 00:14:14.938
And I said, okay, enough, enough. And then, you know, he got off of me.
00:14:15.418 --> 00:14:18.158
You know what I'm saying? He was like, get your shit, get out, da-da-da-da-da.
00:14:18.658 --> 00:14:26.518
You know? And so in a moment of absolute embarrassment and amazement,
00:14:26.718 --> 00:14:28.878
like, dude, this has been my guy forever.
00:14:29.518 --> 00:14:35.878
And I cried like a little girl, like, I cannot believe that this happened.
00:14:37.381 --> 00:14:43.021
So I remember I called my baby mom, and I remember her, you know, can you come and get me?
00:14:43.341 --> 00:14:50.701
And I came, she came to pick me up, and her and my daughter,
00:14:50.721 --> 00:14:53.141
they came to pick me up, and I left this house.
00:14:53.401 --> 00:14:59.901
And I haven't spoken to or heard from or seen this dude since.
00:15:00.281 --> 00:15:02.641
And this has been, this is 2010.
00:15:03.901 --> 00:15:08.641
And I think I can live out the rest of my life Was I ever seeing him?
00:15:08.701 --> 00:15:09.801
Now, do I forgive him? Yes.
00:15:10.901 --> 00:15:14.061
But yeah, I can do without it. I can really do without it.
00:15:14.341 --> 00:15:16.001
But this is the cautionary tale,
00:15:16.001 --> 00:15:23.861
is that it's very important that we learn how to handle our emotions.
00:15:24.561 --> 00:15:29.881
We need to learn how to deal with them, not just handle them, deal with them.
00:15:30.201 --> 00:15:33.641
Because it's one thing to handle them, because handling them is easy.
00:15:33.821 --> 00:15:37.841
Because I could put some shit on the back burner and be like, handle. right?
00:15:38.301 --> 00:15:41.621
But no, we were talking about dealing with emotions and being like,
00:15:41.841 --> 00:15:43.861
you know, I can't take this from him.
00:15:44.181 --> 00:15:48.941
This man was my friend for 20 plus years. And for our friendship to end the
00:15:48.941 --> 00:15:52.121
way that it did, that's just, you know, that's part of the course.
00:15:52.321 --> 00:15:55.561
But at the same time, I really can't blame him because I was,
00:15:55.721 --> 00:15:58.801
I was, I can, don't get me wrong, I can.
00:15:59.281 --> 00:16:03.241
But that was at the point in my life I was lazy.
00:16:03.981 --> 00:16:09.621
And ideally, do my emotions get the best of me? And to a level, he was right.
00:16:09.841 --> 00:16:13.061
You know what I'm saying? Because he was like, man, don't let that woman do this.
00:16:13.221 --> 00:16:17.081
Don't let the woman do that. Now, mind you, and I didn't mention this in the
00:16:17.081 --> 00:16:21.421
story, but every day that I lived with him, I was calling Strawberry on the phone.
00:16:21.701 --> 00:16:24.601
We spoke every day for a year after we split.
00:16:26.261 --> 00:16:30.941
And I know it was crazy, but he was mostly begging when I called her because
00:16:30.941 --> 00:16:32.061
she had moved on with her life.
00:16:32.161 --> 00:16:35.541
She had a new boyfriend and she had moved on emotionally for me.
00:16:35.881 --> 00:16:39.481
But we would talk and she would,
00:16:40.821 --> 00:16:45.341
don't think it was more so her talking to me. I think for her,
00:16:45.541 --> 00:16:51.641
it was more of an appeasement to me to make sure that I did not spiral any less.
00:16:52.081 --> 00:16:59.141
All of that was just a misconstrued cornucopia of nonsense. I shouldn't have been calling her.
00:17:00.501 --> 00:17:06.101
That's what I'm saying. We have to learn how to deal with our emotions and face
00:17:06.101 --> 00:17:08.441
them as people, men and women.
00:17:08.561 --> 00:17:12.321
We have to because we're taking stuff into new places.
00:17:12.861 --> 00:17:17.541
You can't do it and it won't work. And it's going to look real crazy for you.
00:17:17.841 --> 00:17:25.381
If you try to take old trauma and old nonsense and bullshit into a new situation,
00:17:25.381 --> 00:17:30.721
when you're trying to walk out whatever it is that God had for you and you still
00:17:30.721 --> 00:17:33.341
have old drama that you haven't dealt with, that's on you.
00:17:34.081 --> 00:17:37.481
That's on you. That's the thing that I had to learn. It took me years.
00:17:37.481 --> 00:17:39.201
And I want that thing out.
00:17:39.361 --> 00:17:45.281
And it was hard for me because it took me years just to face what I had done.
00:17:45.861 --> 00:17:50.221
Not dealing with it, but just learning how to face what I had done.
00:17:50.421 --> 00:17:52.261
Listen, don't let it take you forever.
00:17:52.941 --> 00:17:56.401
This is the carcinary tale. Don't let it take you forever. Why is it taking
00:17:56.401 --> 00:17:58.681
you forever to do this? I get it.
00:17:59.101 --> 00:18:03.221
And my friend Tiffany tell me all the time, it's okay for you to feel this way.
00:18:03.281 --> 00:18:04.741
Your feelings are validated, right?
00:18:04.921 --> 00:18:09.421
But what you can't do though, is to stay in that place. My daughter tell me that all the time.
00:18:09.801 --> 00:18:12.341
Dad, I love you. I don't want to see you hurting.
00:18:12.921 --> 00:18:16.461
You know, even what I'm going through right now, personally and presently,
00:18:16.601 --> 00:18:19.981
I can't stay in this place because it's not going to help.
00:18:20.161 --> 00:18:24.101
It's not going to benefit me later. When I get ready to walk into another relationship,
00:18:24.521 --> 00:18:28.821
when I get ready to walk into new blessings that God has for me,
00:18:28.941 --> 00:18:30.661
I cannot take my old trauma.
00:18:31.621 --> 00:18:38.221
And we will absolutely take old drama into new masks and then wondering why it won't work.
00:18:39.579 --> 00:18:43.219
Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result,
00:18:43.459 --> 00:18:46.099
is by definition of insanity.
00:18:46.899 --> 00:18:54.059
And there's some days I'm like, okay, God, what lesson am I supposed to learn here? Right?
00:18:55.579 --> 00:19:00.079
But going through that level of depression, going through that level of hurt,
00:19:00.579 --> 00:19:03.839
if I can be honest with y'all, that shit was self-inflicted.
00:19:04.619 --> 00:19:06.039
That wasn't nobody with me.
00:19:06.899 --> 00:19:10.999
Self-inflicted shit because I didn't want to deal with the situation.
00:19:11.399 --> 00:19:16.179
It's easier for us to blame everybody and to put everything on the back burner.
00:19:16.999 --> 00:19:24.559
We have to get out of that mode because there is a place that we're going.
00:19:24.919 --> 00:19:27.839
I say we, I'm talking about anybody that's listening to this.
00:19:28.379 --> 00:19:31.299
If you're going to a new place, you can't take old trauma.
00:19:32.119 --> 00:19:38.659
You hear people say all the time, You can't heal in the same place you got cut. It's true.
00:19:39.419 --> 00:19:46.019
We want to go and we want to deal with new blessings and still have the old
00:19:46.019 --> 00:19:47.099
nonsense. But let me tell you something.
00:19:47.819 --> 00:19:52.479
Them skeletons in the closet, they come back to bite. Yep, they sure do.
00:19:53.479 --> 00:19:58.499
So listen, this is episode six of Spinning the Block. Your boy Terry, listen, man.
00:20:00.199 --> 00:20:03.199
It doesn't get worse, but I do have some more stories to tell.
00:20:03.199 --> 00:20:06.019
I want you guys to please, please, please, please stay tuned.
00:20:06.719 --> 00:20:11.739
Share this out with the people. Let them know. This is a great guy named Terry.
00:20:11.959 --> 00:20:13.519
He's an awesome storyteller.
00:20:14.019 --> 00:20:17.119
Share this out with your people. Let them know the way they can go and find
00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:21.099
it. You can find this podcast on Spotify, Facebook, and Podbean.
00:20:21.859 --> 00:20:26.959
If you have any questions for me, reach out to knuckleheadchroniclespodcast at gmail.com.
00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:32.539
Again, this is your boy Terry Mann. I love all of you guys, and I'm going to see y'all down the line.
00:20:32.880 --> 00:21:07.003
Music.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:34.320
Music.
00:00:34.697 --> 00:00:40.297
And what's going on, you guys? Another episode of Knucklehead Chronicles podcast. It is your boy, Terry.
00:00:40.397 --> 00:00:43.817
I mean, this is the Spin the Block. This is episode six.
00:00:45.277 --> 00:00:50.057
And just to give you guys, I hope you guys have been listening and able to keep
00:00:50.057 --> 00:00:56.337
up and not have to do a lot of recapping in these episodes. But if I have to, I will.
00:00:56.557 --> 00:01:02.657
Now, we are at the point of the story where Strawberry has left.
00:01:02.937 --> 00:01:11.617
She's gone. This is in year 2009, I think it is, and she's gone and I'm left
00:01:11.617 --> 00:01:14.417
with the shamble of it all.
00:01:14.657 --> 00:01:19.137
I mean, we're talking about the shame of it all, the embarrassment.
00:01:19.137 --> 00:01:22.317
There was a lot of embarrassment that was going on or that happened.
00:01:22.637 --> 00:01:26.737
But this part of my life was really dark, right?
00:01:26.797 --> 00:01:32.677
And I'm thankful for a lot of people that were in my life at that point.
00:01:32.677 --> 00:01:34.337
I mean, we're talking about my eldest daughter.
00:01:34.477 --> 00:01:37.157
We're talking about my baby's mother.
00:01:37.997 --> 00:01:41.297
I don't know. I don't give her name. But those of you that know me know my oldest
00:01:41.297 --> 00:01:43.957
daughter, know her mother. But we don't have to give names out here.
00:01:44.657 --> 00:01:47.677
But if it wasn't for them, I don't think I would have made it.
00:01:48.977 --> 00:01:52.457
So just to give you guys a little bit of backdrop, okay? This is where it's going to get.
00:01:53.097 --> 00:01:56.517
Really, really, really, really nuts. And so I'm going to have to have you guys
00:01:56.517 --> 00:01:58.777
to stay with me here when I'm doing this.
00:02:00.077 --> 00:02:04.197
Now, before me and Sharpay broke up, and you know I was in,
00:02:05.170 --> 00:02:12.690
You know, you have, I had a friend that was, I'm going to get my music here.
00:02:13.210 --> 00:02:18.070
So I had a friend that I flowed with in high school.
00:02:19.510 --> 00:02:24.010
And we were really good friends. We stayed friends as adults, right?
00:02:24.330 --> 00:02:29.730
So once me and Strawberry was on the verge of splitting up, we haven't really split up yet.
00:02:30.930 --> 00:02:35.550
But she was exiting, you know, packing up and moving. And I had to figure out
00:02:35.550 --> 00:02:37.870
what the hell I was going to do with my life, right?
00:02:38.170 --> 00:02:41.070
So this friend of mine, I mean, we've been friends forever and a day.
00:02:41.230 --> 00:02:44.770
So, you know, I thought he was my, you know, he was my support.
00:02:44.910 --> 00:02:45.910
I don't give his name either.
00:02:46.430 --> 00:02:49.270
Nobody might know this story. They know me. Just to listen to this,
00:02:49.770 --> 00:02:50.650
know who I'm talking about.
00:02:50.830 --> 00:02:58.090
But so I reached out to him and he lived in Greensboro, which is about maybe
00:02:58.090 --> 00:03:00.370
an hour and a half before we lived in Charlotte.
00:03:00.910 --> 00:03:04.030
And so I reached out to him and I was letting him know that,
00:03:04.130 --> 00:03:08.430
hey, I'm going to go through this divorce and I'm going to go through all this bad stuff in my life.
00:03:08.790 --> 00:03:11.550
You know, I need, I needed support. Right.
00:03:12.130 --> 00:03:15.710
And so he was like, man, you know, you can always come and live with me.
00:03:16.010 --> 00:03:19.430
Right. You can always come and we can make it work and all that.
00:03:20.190 --> 00:03:23.290
So I ended up, so that was my contingency plan.
00:03:23.410 --> 00:03:27.510
That was my plan B. she was leaving, I'm going to go to Greensboro and live
00:03:27.510 --> 00:03:30.410
with my friend who's been my friend for, you know, 20 plus years.
00:03:30.910 --> 00:03:37.630
So anyhow, I leave and technically I left the house before Strawberry did.
00:03:38.150 --> 00:03:42.450
You know, I know people will be like, oh man, you left her like to do all that.
00:03:42.650 --> 00:03:48.390
And you know, she, I did because I just, I couldn't stand the pain of watching her leave.
00:03:48.930 --> 00:03:52.170
So, or it could be selfishness or it could be petty or whatever you're,
00:03:52.290 --> 00:03:55.650
you know, I'm sure somebody's going to formulate an opinion and reach out to
00:03:55.650 --> 00:03:58.090
me and tell me, boy, you wrong for that right there.
00:03:58.770 --> 00:04:02.210
So I ended up, you know, at this point in my life, I was just,
00:04:02.390 --> 00:04:04.430
I was, you know, after that.
00:04:05.215 --> 00:04:12.735
Part, I steeped into a level of depression. You guys would not believe, right?
00:04:13.035 --> 00:04:18.795
So I left, I went to Greensboro and lived with my friend.
00:04:18.955 --> 00:04:27.475
And my friend was, I don't know if he got to a Muslim, he started teaching or
00:04:27.475 --> 00:04:32.135
living in the Muslim lifestyle, you know, things of that nature.
00:04:33.455 --> 00:04:36.695
And he was very tough on me.
00:04:37.315 --> 00:04:42.675
Now, I say tough, love. I think it was, you know, I think tough was an understatement.
00:04:43.035 --> 00:04:47.795
So I go over and live with him. And when I tell you guys that I was in a state
00:04:47.795 --> 00:04:54.755
of depression that you would not believe, I became what they call a hermit.
00:04:57.275 --> 00:05:01.135
And when I say hermit, I did not. I had my own room.
00:05:02.175 --> 00:05:08.315
Excuse me, I had my own room and I had a PlayStation 2 and, you know,
00:05:08.415 --> 00:05:09.855
I was kind of living my best life.
00:05:10.215 --> 00:05:13.615
I mean, not my best life, but let me rephrase that. I was living,
00:05:13.915 --> 00:05:16.095
I was existing at that point in time.
00:05:16.535 --> 00:05:22.615
And so when I tell you I lived a Hermit lifestyle, I stayed in that room,
00:05:23.055 --> 00:05:24.935
did not leave out of that room.
00:05:25.435 --> 00:05:32.215
I was in there. Like he had a girlfriend that they lived together and stuff like that.
00:05:32.375 --> 00:05:34.855
And I did not, they never saw me ever.
00:05:35.355 --> 00:05:41.715
The only time that I came out of that room was to either sneak something to
00:05:41.715 --> 00:05:44.355
eat or to go to the bathroom.
00:05:44.795 --> 00:05:49.475
And this is number two, we're not talking about, you know, because when I was
00:05:49.475 --> 00:05:54.635
living in that hermit lifestyle, when I was in that level of depression, right?
00:05:55.196 --> 00:05:59.596
I would order out, or he would bring me something from a restaurant,
00:06:00.116 --> 00:06:03.196
and I would always get the extra
00:06:03.196 --> 00:06:07.736
large sodas or whatever, the extra large drinks, just to keep the cups.
00:06:09.036 --> 00:06:12.976
Because I was so low in my depression, and I'm not trying to be nasty or anything
00:06:12.976 --> 00:06:16.976
like that, but I was so low in my depression at that point in time to where
00:06:16.976 --> 00:06:23.356
I didn't come out of the room, and I would actually urinate in these cups.
00:06:24.356 --> 00:06:28.016
I would only I would urinate in these cups so that way I would not have to go
00:06:28.016 --> 00:06:33.756
out of the room now the next morning when he went to work and when she went to work I would come out,
00:06:34.456 --> 00:06:39.256
and you know empty those cups of course and stuff like that and he had two,
00:06:39.876 --> 00:06:44.336
big old pit bulls and it was my responsibility to take care of the pit bulls
00:06:44.336 --> 00:06:48.496
because I wasn't working or anything like that so I would in the morning I would
00:06:48.496 --> 00:06:53.976
get up and then he had the dogs in the house and so the dogs would shit every fucking way.
00:06:55.116 --> 00:06:58.656
And that was my responsibility to clean all that up.
00:06:58.956 --> 00:07:04.216
I said all that to say this, is that I was just such in a bad way, like emotionally.
00:07:04.936 --> 00:07:09.116
And so it got to the point where I started drinking. Now, those of you that
00:07:09.116 --> 00:07:11.636
know me, know I don't drink.
00:07:12.136 --> 00:07:17.336
But in that moment of my life, you know, I was drinking.
00:07:17.716 --> 00:07:20.996
Why could I bother the court? I mean, it didn't matter to me because I just
00:07:20.996 --> 00:07:22.456
felt like I wanted to die.
00:07:23.656 --> 00:07:27.736
Because of the emotional battle that I didn't want to take.
00:07:27.916 --> 00:07:35.836
See, a lot of times, you know, we enter into these emotional battles and we're not ready mentally.
00:07:36.596 --> 00:07:39.756
And it takes us for a loop. And that's exactly what happened to me is that I
00:07:39.756 --> 00:07:44.236
was in this emotional battle because I lost something that I thought,
00:07:44.416 --> 00:07:48.116
you know, that I held dear, even though I took advantage of it, even though.
00:07:49.489 --> 00:07:55.969
I treat it like crap, but it took an emotional toll on me.
00:07:57.149 --> 00:08:01.549
So I was like, hey, I got to get out of this. I remember my daughter called
00:08:01.549 --> 00:08:04.489
me once and she was like, hey, are you okay?
00:08:04.769 --> 00:08:07.249
You should come down here and chill out with us.
00:08:08.249 --> 00:08:11.709
And so they came and they would pick on the weekends.
00:08:14.509 --> 00:08:19.149
I had been with him for maybe three or four months before that started happening.
00:08:19.609 --> 00:08:24.989
And so I started going down to visit my baby mama, and nobody else thought I'd
00:08:24.989 --> 00:08:26.409
spend time with them, their family.
00:08:27.009 --> 00:08:29.749
They really supported me in that time emotionally, you know what I mean?
00:08:30.229 --> 00:08:35.109
If it wasn't for them, I mean, I got to tell you, I'd probably not be if it wasn't for them.
00:08:35.649 --> 00:08:41.129
But I would go, I would spend weeks at a time with them because I did not want
00:08:41.129 --> 00:08:45.589
to go back to the hell that was because that whole situation,
00:08:46.269 --> 00:08:51.289
that whole situation, it just seems like, it felt like the seventh circle of
00:08:51.289 --> 00:08:54.869
hell and I was in there and I knew I was a hermit.
00:08:55.009 --> 00:08:57.369
I knew I didn't go anywhere. I had no motivation.
00:08:57.669 --> 00:09:01.909
I wouldn't go look for a job. I didn't have a car and I just beat myself up
00:09:01.909 --> 00:09:05.629
every single day to the point where I'm trying to tell you, anybody that's listening
00:09:05.629 --> 00:09:09.849
to this, I'm sure I got a few listeners that's going to listen to this and they're
00:09:09.849 --> 00:09:10.949
going to call me and they're going to be like,
00:09:11.449 --> 00:09:13.369
man, was it really that bad? Yes.
00:09:13.769 --> 00:09:16.429
It was really that bad. Actually worse. It was like worse point.
00:09:16.689 --> 00:09:19.129
It was worse 2.0. That's how bad it was.
00:09:19.929 --> 00:09:24.169
And only because I didn't want to, you know, and only because I did not want
00:09:24.169 --> 00:09:26.269
to face what had happened.
00:09:27.669 --> 00:09:34.069
So I lived with him and it was just a terrible situation and it got worse with him.
00:09:34.449 --> 00:09:39.449
And so it was one particular weekend and this is how I'm going to end this here in a little bit.
00:09:39.549 --> 00:09:44.429
This is going to be a short one. But I ended, our situation ended just like this.
00:09:44.569 --> 00:09:48.749
Now, mind you, let's refresh it.
00:09:49.169 --> 00:09:53.249
Mind you, this man has been my friend for over 20 years, right?
00:09:53.729 --> 00:09:56.369
We went through hell together. We got in the car wrecks together.
00:09:56.969 --> 00:10:01.849
He was my guy, right? So this one particular weekend, we was out.
00:10:02.449 --> 00:10:05.429
He had some friends over, had a bunch of friends over.
00:10:05.529 --> 00:10:10.329
They had a party, right? And I was still living that hermit lifestyle to where
00:10:10.329 --> 00:10:13.849
I didn't come out, you know, I didn't really follow people.
00:10:14.509 --> 00:10:21.509
And so he called me out this one weekend and we had both been drinking.
00:10:21.849 --> 00:10:23.269
And he drank, he drank, he drank.
00:10:24.009 --> 00:10:27.829
He was a professional drinker. I wasn't, you know, so I couldn't hold my liquor.
00:10:28.989 --> 00:10:32.729
So he had been drinking and he's showing out in front of his friends or whatever.
00:10:32.849 --> 00:10:39.489
He was like, no, I'm the man of this house. You know, if you guys know, just a short break here.
00:10:41.009 --> 00:10:44.409
If you've ever seen that comedy skit on Facebook or Instagram or whatever,
00:10:45.169 --> 00:10:49.029
and the comedy skit was, my roommate pay all the bills, that was him.
00:10:49.309 --> 00:10:56.109
He was very dominant and would tell people the dominance that he had over me
00:10:56.109 --> 00:11:03.769
because I allowed that to take place because there was no man left in me. I can be honest with you.
00:11:04.829 --> 00:11:06.609
And so this one particular, like I said, this one particular weekend,
00:11:06.629 --> 00:11:11.229
he got drunk. He had a party. He had friends over. I had about five or six people over there.
00:11:11.729 --> 00:11:16.209
And he was just belligerent out of his ass. He was just belligerent.
00:11:16.489 --> 00:11:21.409
And so he was like, no, Terry, come out of your room. Get your ass out of there.
00:11:22.329 --> 00:11:26.929
And so because of the peer pressure, I went ahead and came on out.
00:11:27.249 --> 00:11:31.889
And we were sitting down. We were playing video games now. It was a winter storm that happened.
00:11:32.309 --> 00:11:40.069
And so we go outside, and we're playing football. You know, he's a very competitive guy anyway.
00:11:40.649 --> 00:11:45.489
And so I just wasn't, I wasn't interested. And so because of this,
00:11:45.749 --> 00:11:50.789
he just, he just really put the bully, the bully effect was on that weekend.
00:11:51.869 --> 00:11:57.449
And so he picked, so what he did was he picked a fight with me in front of his people.
00:11:58.029 --> 00:12:00.669
And I was like, dude, I'm not going to fight you in front of these people.
00:12:00.729 --> 00:12:01.189
I don't know these people.
00:12:01.489 --> 00:12:04.269
I don't even know who is you. Where you come from? Like, why,
00:12:04.429 --> 00:12:07.469
why now you want to pick a fight with me? I get it. You're frustrated.
00:12:08.029 --> 00:12:11.149
Because I was lazy. I get it, right?
00:12:11.929 --> 00:12:14.709
But I never thought that it would come to blows.
00:12:15.729 --> 00:12:21.349
So he kept going, kept going. And so finally, you know, after about three hours
00:12:21.349 --> 00:12:25.149
of getting bullied by this guy in front of his people, you know,
00:12:25.209 --> 00:12:28.609
and all that, I was like, you know what? F this.
00:12:29.558 --> 00:12:32.678
If you want this, come get it. That's kind of how it was.
00:12:33.738 --> 00:12:38.638
And I just could not bathom, you know, that it would come to that.
00:12:38.818 --> 00:12:46.798
So I didn't think, you know, we had words, but nothing came to fruition right then, right?
00:12:47.158 --> 00:12:52.198
It wasn't until the people left that he decided that he wanted to get Brody, right?
00:12:53.398 --> 00:12:57.198
So next thing I know, he's picking up right again. I mean, they're gone,
00:12:57.338 --> 00:13:00.378
and it's just me, him, and his girlfriend. They're gone.
00:13:01.158 --> 00:13:06.078
And so he picks a fight with me and then tells me, oh, I heard about you trying
00:13:06.078 --> 00:13:07.818
to holler at my girl, da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:13:08.058 --> 00:13:11.878
And he just went, I mean, I tell you, belligerent to another level.
00:13:12.658 --> 00:13:17.118
Next thing I know, I'm walking, I went to the bathroom and I come out of the bathroom.
00:13:17.418 --> 00:13:22.958
I'm walking back into my bedroom. The next thing I know, I can feel him running
00:13:22.958 --> 00:13:27.478
toward me because the house that we lived in was very unstable.
00:13:27.478 --> 00:13:34.678
And, you know, it's like, it was like somebody picked the whole house up on a crane and dropped it.
00:13:34.838 --> 00:13:37.338
And the house was like split down the middle.
00:13:37.598 --> 00:13:43.918
You can feel the steep on both sides of the house. And so I'm walking to my bedroom.
00:13:44.618 --> 00:13:49.578
And so I'm on a downslope, you know. And this dude literally jumps on me,
00:13:49.878 --> 00:13:54.338
jumps on me and, you know, pounds me in the back of the head.
00:13:54.338 --> 00:13:58.098
And, you know, and maybe it was just really, really ugly.
00:13:58.278 --> 00:14:02.218
And, you know, I thought he was trying to kill me.
00:14:02.298 --> 00:14:06.678
The blows that he was trying to land, when we talking about fist-elbow combos,
00:14:06.718 --> 00:14:09.298
and I'm thinking, just do it and kill me.
00:14:10.138 --> 00:14:14.938
And I said, okay, enough, enough. And then, you know, he got off of me.
00:14:15.418 --> 00:14:18.158
You know what I'm saying? He was like, get your shit, get out, da-da-da-da-da.
00:14:18.658 --> 00:14:26.518
You know? And so in a moment of absolute embarrassment and amazement,
00:14:26.718 --> 00:14:28.878
like, dude, this has been my guy forever.
00:14:29.518 --> 00:14:35.878
And I cried like a little girl, like, I cannot believe that this happened.
00:14:37.381 --> 00:14:43.021
So I remember I called my baby mom, and I remember her, you know, can you come and get me?
00:14:43.341 --> 00:14:50.701
And I came, she came to pick me up, and her and my daughter,
00:14:50.721 --> 00:14:53.141
they came to pick me up, and I left this house.
00:14:53.401 --> 00:14:59.901
And I haven't spoken to or heard from or seen this dude since.
00:15:00.281 --> 00:15:02.641
And this has been, this is 2010.
00:15:03.901 --> 00:15:08.641
And I think I can live out the rest of my life Was I ever seeing him?
00:15:08.701 --> 00:15:09.801
Now, do I forgive him? Yes.
00:15:10.901 --> 00:15:14.061
But yeah, I can do without it. I can really do without it.
00:15:14.341 --> 00:15:16.001
But this is the cautionary tale,
00:15:16.001 --> 00:15:23.861
is that it's very important that we learn how to handle our emotions.
00:15:24.561 --> 00:15:29.881
We need to learn how to deal with them, not just handle them, deal with them.
00:15:30.201 --> 00:15:33.641
Because it's one thing to handle them, because handling them is easy.
00:15:33.821 --> 00:15:37.841
Because I could put some shit on the back burner and be like, handle. right?
00:15:38.301 --> 00:15:41.621
But no, we were talking about dealing with emotions and being like,
00:15:41.841 --> 00:15:43.861
you know, I can't take this from him.
00:15:44.181 --> 00:15:48.941
This man was my friend for 20 plus years. And for our friendship to end the
00:15:48.941 --> 00:15:52.121
way that it did, that's just, you know, that's part of the course.
00:15:52.321 --> 00:15:55.561
But at the same time, I really can't blame him because I was,
00:15:55.721 --> 00:15:58.801
I was, I can, don't get me wrong, I can.
00:15:59.281 --> 00:16:03.241
But that was at the point in my life I was lazy.
00:16:03.981 --> 00:16:09.621
And ideally, do my emotions get the best of me? And to a level, he was right.
00:16:09.841 --> 00:16:13.061
You know what I'm saying? Because he was like, man, don't let that woman do this.
00:16:13.221 --> 00:16:17.081
Don't let the woman do that. Now, mind you, and I didn't mention this in the
00:16:17.081 --> 00:16:21.421
story, but every day that I lived with him, I was calling Strawberry on the phone.
00:16:21.701 --> 00:16:24.601
We spoke every day for a year after we split.
00:16:26.261 --> 00:16:30.941
And I know it was crazy, but he was mostly begging when I called her because
00:16:30.941 --> 00:16:32.061
she had moved on with her life.
00:16:32.161 --> 00:16:35.541
She had a new boyfriend and she had moved on emotionally for me.
00:16:35.881 --> 00:16:39.481
But we would talk and she would,
00:16:40.821 --> 00:16:45.341
don't think it was more so her talking to me. I think for her,
00:16:45.541 --> 00:16:51.641
it was more of an appeasement to me to make sure that I did not spiral any less.
00:16:52.081 --> 00:16:59.141
All of that was just a misconstrued cornucopia of nonsense. I shouldn't have been calling her.
00:17:00.501 --> 00:17:06.101
That's what I'm saying. We have to learn how to deal with our emotions and face
00:17:06.101 --> 00:17:08.441
them as people, men and women.
00:17:08.561 --> 00:17:12.321
We have to because we're taking stuff into new places.
00:17:12.861 --> 00:17:17.541
You can't do it and it won't work. And it's going to look real crazy for you.
00:17:17.841 --> 00:17:25.381
If you try to take old trauma and old nonsense and bullshit into a new situation,
00:17:25.381 --> 00:17:30.721
when you're trying to walk out whatever it is that God had for you and you still
00:17:30.721 --> 00:17:33.341
have old drama that you haven't dealt with, that's on you.
00:17:34.081 --> 00:17:37.481
That's on you. That's the thing that I had to learn. It took me years.
00:17:37.481 --> 00:17:39.201
And I want that thing out.
00:17:39.361 --> 00:17:45.281
And it was hard for me because it took me years just to face what I had done.
00:17:45.861 --> 00:17:50.221
Not dealing with it, but just learning how to face what I had done.
00:17:50.421 --> 00:17:52.261
Listen, don't let it take you forever.
00:17:52.941 --> 00:17:56.401
This is the carcinary tale. Don't let it take you forever. Why is it taking
00:17:56.401 --> 00:17:58.681
you forever to do this? I get it.
00:17:59.101 --> 00:18:03.221
And my friend Tiffany tell me all the time, it's okay for you to feel this way.
00:18:03.281 --> 00:18:04.741
Your feelings are validated, right?
00:18:04.921 --> 00:18:09.421
But what you can't do though, is to stay in that place. My daughter tell me that all the time.
00:18:09.801 --> 00:18:12.341
Dad, I love you. I don't want to see you hurting.
00:18:12.921 --> 00:18:16.461
You know, even what I'm going through right now, personally and presently,
00:18:16.601 --> 00:18:19.981
I can't stay in this place because it's not going to help.
00:18:20.161 --> 00:18:24.101
It's not going to benefit me later. When I get ready to walk into another relationship,
00:18:24.521 --> 00:18:28.821
when I get ready to walk into new blessings that God has for me,
00:18:28.941 --> 00:18:30.661
I cannot take my old trauma.
00:18:31.621 --> 00:18:38.221
And we will absolutely take old drama into new masks and then wondering why it won't work.
00:18:39.579 --> 00:18:43.219
Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result,
00:18:43.459 --> 00:18:46.099
is by definition of insanity.
00:18:46.899 --> 00:18:54.059
And there's some days I'm like, okay, God, what lesson am I supposed to learn here? Right?
00:18:55.579 --> 00:19:00.079
But going through that level of depression, going through that level of hurt,
00:19:00.579 --> 00:19:03.839
if I can be honest with y'all, that shit was self-inflicted.
00:19:04.619 --> 00:19:06.039
That wasn't nobody with me.
00:19:06.899 --> 00:19:10.999
Self-inflicted shit because I didn't want to deal with the situation.
00:19:11.399 --> 00:19:16.179
It's easier for us to blame everybody and to put everything on the back burner.
00:19:16.999 --> 00:19:24.559
We have to get out of that mode because there is a place that we're going.
00:19:24.919 --> 00:19:27.839
I say we, I'm talking about anybody that's listening to this.
00:19:28.379 --> 00:19:31.299
If you're going to a new place, you can't take old trauma.
00:19:32.119 --> 00:19:38.659
You hear people say all the time, You can't heal in the same place you got cut. It's true.
00:19:39.419 --> 00:19:46.019
We want to go and we want to deal with new blessings and still have the old
00:19:46.019 --> 00:19:47.099
nonsense. But let me tell you something.
00:19:47.819 --> 00:19:52.479
Them skeletons in the closet, they come back to bite. Yep, they sure do.
00:19:53.479 --> 00:19:58.499
So listen, this is episode six of Spinning the Block. Your boy Terry, listen, man.
00:20:00.199 --> 00:20:03.199
It doesn't get worse, but I do have some more stories to tell.
00:20:03.199 --> 00:20:06.019
I want you guys to please, please, please, please stay tuned.
00:20:06.719 --> 00:20:11.739
Share this out with the people. Let them know. This is a great guy named Terry.
00:20:11.959 --> 00:20:13.519
He's an awesome storyteller.
00:20:14.019 --> 00:20:17.119
Share this out with your people. Let them know the way they can go and find
00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:21.099
it. You can find this podcast on Spotify, Facebook, and Podbean.
00:20:21.859 --> 00:20:26.959
If you have any questions for me, reach out to knuckleheadchroniclespodcast at gmail.com.
00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:32.539
Again, this is your boy Terry Mann. I love all of you guys, and I'm going to see y'all down the line.
00:20:32.880 --> 00:21:07.003
Music.
