April 30, 2025
Facing the Fear: Life Amidst a Cancer Battle
Join Terry for a heartfelt live episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast as he shares updates on his journey battling stage three pancreatic cancer. Having been diagnosed in December 2024, Terry reflects on the whirlwind of changes in his life, contemplating the choices he's made and the support he's received from friends and family.
Through candid reflections, Terry discusses the profound realizations he's encountered along the way. He talks about the impact of chemotherapy, its side effects, and the importance of making choices that foster positivity and growth, both for himself and his loved ones. In the face of uncertainty, Terry opens up about the complexities of fear and trust, urging listeners to cherish every moment and forgive themselves and others.
Delve into Terry's introspective narrative that emphasizes the power of love, forgiveness, and resilience, encouraging audiences to embrace life, support one another, and make thoughtful decisions moving forward.
00:41 - Introduction and Updates
01:24 - Cancer Journey Recap
11:28 - Life Lessons and Reflections
15:54 - Chemo Experience and Challenges
19:53 - Closing Thoughts and Encouragement
WEBVTT
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What's going on, you guys? Happy Wednesday. I think it is. It's Wednesday.
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So it's been a while since I've done one of these. Usually I just record these particular episodes.
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But this one, I decided to live stream it.
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Hopefully I can get to where I need to be. I know I'm live on my Facebook and I'm live on YouTube.
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I was trying to get my Instagram live feed to pop up. I guess it's not going to pop up.
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It's going to make me put all this stuff in again. Okay, right.
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So I'm hoping that I can get this going. Anyway, welcome to another episode
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of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast.
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It's your boy, Terry. This is the Cancer Chronicles.
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It has been a couple of, it's been a while since I have done one of these.
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So hopefully, like I said before, I hope I can get some folks on here,
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get some traction going.
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Instagram is not going to let me be, I'm going to shut the Instagram down because
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that's going to make me mad in a minute. All right.
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So anyway, just to give you guys an update, those of you guys who have been
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following the journey, it's been a long one.
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So for those of you that may be watching or listening to this,
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I'm going to give you guys a recap.
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Again, my name is Terry. I was diagnosed with stage three pancreatic cancer
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on December 23rd of 2024.
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And life has been such a whirlwind since that's happened I mean so much stuff
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has changed people have entered and exited my life.
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Just you know when you think about having pancreatic cancer or any cancer for
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that matter you think about life and all the mistakes,
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you've made all the bad choices you've made and all that.
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But what I've learned in my journey is that I can't beat myself up too much for it.
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A lot of the choices and bad decisions that I've made in my life are choices
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and bad decisions that I've made.
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And no one, I can't... Hey, She-Ra, what's going on? How are you?
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Watch me over there on YouTube. I appreciate you. Um...
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So you learn to live with the mistakes. You learn to live with it,
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and you come to a realization about a lot of things.
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And I've learned that I've made a heaping helping of bad choices.
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Sometimes it's hard to sit and to look at it, you know, in this.
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I'm not going to say I'm at the end of my life. I'm not going to say that because that's not.
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You put everything, you know, the power of life and deficit and talk.
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So if I sit here and say, oh, it's my end of my life. This is the last time
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you guys might hear from me.
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I don't, I'm not there. I'm not there yet.
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There are certain realizations in my life, though, is that some things I can
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take back, some things I can't, some things I can make up for,
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some things that I can't.
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And I'm just in that place. Right. So this is just an update.
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Of where I am in my cancer journey here.
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So those of you, like I said, if you're new here, if you're listening to this,
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diagnosed back in December 23rd, 2024.
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Would I say life has been all the way difficult coming from the support,
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money, being able to live? And, you know, it's tough, right?
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And I found myself, you know, relying on people.
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I started a GoFundMe here a couple months ago.
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Had a tremendous reaction to the GoFundMe, to all of those people that donated to the GoFundMe.
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I appreciate you more than you will ever, ever know. And you know who you are.
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There are some folks that extended above and beyond on that GoFundMe. And I appreciate you.
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So, just to give you guys another recap, I am scheduled for 12 rounds of chemo.
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I just finished up round six, so I'm halfway through.
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So, what happens now is that I get a CT scan.
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That way, my oncologist can look at my CT scan and tell me on Wednesday, I'm sorry, Monday,
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What the chemotherapy is doing, what we're all hoping for, what I'm praying
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for is that I come back with a report.
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Because it could come back one of three ways.
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One way she can walk in there and say, Mr. Little, the chemo is doing absolutely nothing.
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It has not shrunk your tumor, hasn't done anything.
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It hasn't grown. No, that's one thing. It hasn't done anything.
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The second thing she can do is come in there and say it hasn't done anything.
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However, your tumor hasn't grown nor shrunk or nor metastasized to any other organ.
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Because once it metastasizes to something else, like my liver or my kidneys
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or whatever, then I go into stage four and then they give me another prognosis.
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So she could come in there and say, hey, you could be completely NED,
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which is the cancer is completely gone.
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We can do that. She can come in there and say, we had just enough shrinkage
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of this tumor to where we can go ahead and have your willpower surgery conducted
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and get rid of the cancer altogether.
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So that's where we are. Okay.
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So we're in the middle. We're dead smack in the middle of the treatments.
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My goal is to ring the bell after the 12th round.
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So realistically I'm faced with a decision you know and my decision is going to be.
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Do I, depending on how she comes into the room on Monday, whatever she says
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to me, my decision is going to be one.
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Okay, if she comes in and says, the chemo is not working. It's not shrinking. I don't do anything.
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My decision then would be, do I continue chemo?
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That's one of those questions you don't want to you don't want to be faced with
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that but realistically if she comes in the room and says the chemo is not doing anything for you,
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my decision at that point would be do I continue the chemo because if six rounds
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ain't done nothing six more ain't going to do anything either that's kind of the premise right,
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if she comes in there and says, hey, well, you know, the chemo is doing something.
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It's not, it hasn't, excuse me, it hasn't shrunk it to the point where you can do surgery.
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Then I'm going to be like, okay, let's go ahead and finish the last six and
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then go into radiation and see what happens.
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Or she can say.
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Yeah, that's nothing we can do. Then I'm faced with it.
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That's the real decision. And that's what the fear sets in.
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And I know my Christian folk is going to say to me, they're going to say to
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me, God didn't give us a spirit of fear, all that.
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And I totally understand it. I totally understand it.
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But that doesn't stop me from still being fearful because it could be any number
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of things that could come out.
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So what I'm asking to people who are listening, people who are watching this
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live stream, Right for her brother.
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Because you just never know. You just never know.
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So that's my update with my cancer and the journey that I'm on.
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If it were you, and this is the question I want to pose to my audience that's
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listening, whether you're listening on the podcast, the audio version of this,
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whether you're watching on live stream,
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if it were you, and your oncologist walked in and said, okay Mr. and Mrs.
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So and so your chemo isn't working hasn't done anything for you what would you do that's the question.
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Or if she comes in there and says you know,
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it's shrinking a little bit you know if we continue it might have some more progress what do you do,
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or she comes in there and says what do you do,
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There's nothing we can do. We can stop chemo and go right into radiation,
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which is probably what I would do if she came in.
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If it were me and she came in and said that, you know, the chemo is not working,
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you know, what do you want to do?
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I think that would be my absolute decision. I think I would stop chemo immediately
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and I would jump on radiation.
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But, again, this is just an opinion.
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I'm asking you guys for your opinion. What would you do?
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Okay, Dexcom. All right, all right, all right, all right. That's my Dexcom.
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For those of you that know anything about that.
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That's it. If you're a diabetic,
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it monitors your blood sugar. So it's just kind of, I wear it under my arm. There it is right there.
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And I wear it under my arm and it monitors my blood sugar, which is kind of high right now.
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I need to make some insulin. But anyways, what would you do?
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So, switching gears. I've said this before in this podcast, and I'll say it
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again and again and again.
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And I'll say it until I'm no longer on this earth.
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Is that love the people who love you. Support the people that support you.
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Do everything in your power to be a good person because there's some things
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you can't take back it's just not you wanted to but it's just some things you can't take back,
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there's some things that you'll never outlive there's nothing on this planet
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you're going to outlive because you're going to die eventually we all are go ahead.
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If you are in a place right now where you don't know, stop for a minute. Take a breath.
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Look in the mirror and change what you can change.
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Make better decisions. Make better choices.
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Try and not hold grudges.
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Grudges are bad. I don't know why people, you know, and I used to be the king
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of grudges. I used to be the king of grudges and petty.
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And none of that stuff you can take with you. You know what I'm saying?
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And the only thing you're doing is you're letting other people rent space in
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your head for whatever reason, which doesn't do any good because they don't care.
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They're living their life, you know, and you're still holding on to something
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that happened years and years ago,
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or months ago or days ago or whatever. But you have to make a decision to say, I'm not.
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Because tomorrow, I promise you guys, is not promised to you.
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If I can be completely transparent in this episode, is that I am scared out of my wit.
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I don't, you know, because I think about when I put in, like when I first got
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diagnosed and, you know, it was like, hey, you need to phone for your long-term disability.
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You need to get your social security in order. and all that.
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And these, because you hear in the beginning, you hear, oh, it takes six months
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to a year to get approved for your disability and this and that.
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Let me tell you how quick they did mine.
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I applied for Social Security Disability on April the 2nd.
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I was approved. I got an approval letter and an award letter on the 15th of
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April. That's how fast it was.
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And then I asked him, you know, So I asked one of the agents,
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and I was like, hey, I said, why is it so, why did it happen so quickly?
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And he said, well, you know, you have a pretty grim diagnosis,
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you know, so do you want to go ahead and get that started?
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And the speed that it took to get everything approved, even though I have to wait,
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you know, my waiting period or whatever, But the speed that it took for them to approve me was crazy.
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It was crazy.
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So that, you know, it's little stuff. It's stuff like that. You know,
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it's like it makes you put life in perspective. Like, man, this is crazy.
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Like, I could be gone next month. I could be gone six months from now. Who knows? You know?
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That's why it's important. it's important to be true to yourself because you
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just never know. You just never know.
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And I'll repeat that until I'm blue in the face. You just never know.
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And, you know, I'm going to do this podcast until I just can't no more.
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I'm going to do this podcast. I'm going to be more consistent with it, you know.
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But sometimes, you know, chemo has me wrecked, you know.
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And nobody ever calls me up and says, well, you know, I got some people,
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I have certain people that check on me all the time.
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But there are certain aspects of chemo that I absolutely hate.
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And one of the drugs that I take is called Florinox.
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That's another drug. That's not Florinox. That's another drug that I take.
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And it gives me the sensitivity. productivity cold.
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So what I mean by that is that I can't drink anything out of the fridge for
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like a week because I have chemo every two weeks.
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So the day I get infused for that week, I can't drink anything out of the fridge
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because it tastes like I'm swallowing razor blades.
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That's how it, and then to the touch, it's called neuropathy.
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I think you guys have heard me say this on this podcast, but it's called neuropathy.
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And it gets into, it makes your fingers tingle like really, really bad.
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It's like somebody busts a 40 ounce on somebody's head and you're picking up
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the glass shard. That's what it feels like, right?
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Normally in neuropathy, you get it in your fingers and toes,
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but I just get it in my fingers.
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And it is the worst feeling ever. and walking around nauseous like you would not believe it.
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And they give you medication for your nausea.
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But every time I take a the meds, I'm so nauseous when I'm on chemo.
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A couple days after chemo is that,
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That nausea, man, puts me on my ass for two or three days. Like,
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I can't function. I can't sleep.
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I actually had my son, Terry Jr., last weekend, and I got my infusion on Monday.
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So I get infused on Monday.
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I wear a fanny pack that has another drug that I'm ingesting Tuesday and Wednesday.
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I get the bandit pack removed on Wednesday, and then I'm walking out the rest
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of the symptoms Thursday, Friday.
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By the time I got him on Friday, I was no good to nobody.
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And so I kept him Friday, overnight, Friday into Saturday, and I just could not. I just could not.
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I could not function. I couldn't walk around with him. I couldn't.
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There's nothing I could do.
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And so I texted his mom, and I was like, hey, I said, I'm just not.
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I don't know if my body was out of whack because I used to do chemo on Fridays
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but now they moved it to Mondays. I don't know if it was out of whack. I'm not sure.
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But she was like, I understand. Pack them up. Bring them on.
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Because I think her fear is something happens to me and I have him.
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There's no way that she would know or whatever.
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My roommate has my phone number and all that jazz and he can unlock my phone
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and make decisions but I think that's one of her fears. I'm not sure.
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But that's one of the worst things I hate about chemo is that it knocks me out
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of commission for like a week.
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And some of my folks, they'll check on me like she'll check on me and text me
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and see how I'm doing. I appreciate her. All my friends do.
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But that's one of the things that I hate the worst.
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And so I'm like.
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That's the reason why I say, if she comes in there and says,
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the chemo's not doing anything for you, you know, you need to do something else.
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And I'm going to be happy to say, I'm done with chemo. I'm done with chemo at this point.
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Let's do radiation. See what radiation does to me. And then go from there.
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But in closing, I'll say this. Is just be mindful, y'all.
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Be mindful of what you do, what you say, and most importantly,
00:20:07.175 --> 00:20:13.235
how you say it, because I'm a firm believer and I will believe it until I'm six feet.
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I'm a firm believer that it's never what you say is how you say that thing. You know what I mean?
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So just be mindful of what you say to people and, you know, love each other.
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You know, forgive them people and you guys, if you haven't been following me
00:20:29.775 --> 00:20:34.875
long enough, you know, I'll tell you in a minute forgive them you know I had
00:20:34.875 --> 00:20:38.895
to forgive people I had to ask people to forgive me with the stuff that I've done,
00:20:40.955 --> 00:20:49.335
so forgive people most importantly at the end of the day forgive yourself forgive
00:20:49.335 --> 00:20:52.195
yourself I know that it's tough but.
00:20:55.115 --> 00:20:59.795
It's okay it's okay to not be okay it's okay to forgive yourself it's okay to
00:20:59.795 --> 00:21:06.235
you know to reflect and grow and learn and it's okay,
00:21:07.455 --> 00:21:10.175
you have a new day every day that you wake up,
00:21:11.675 --> 00:21:19.255
and God puts breath into your body and gives you one more day you have another chance to make it right,
00:21:20.935 --> 00:21:26.355
so that is what I will say to you guys in closing you guys have a great rest
00:21:26.355 --> 00:21:28.475
of your night I will see you next time.
00:00:34.940 --> 00:00:39.100
What's going on, you guys? Happy Wednesday. I think it is. It's Wednesday.
00:00:41.000 --> 00:00:47.020
So it's been a while since I've done one of these. Usually I just record these particular episodes.
00:00:48.940 --> 00:00:51.320
But this one, I decided to live stream it.
00:00:53.800 --> 00:00:59.560
Hopefully I can get to where I need to be. I know I'm live on my Facebook and I'm live on YouTube.
00:01:00.220 --> 00:01:07.600
I was trying to get my Instagram live feed to pop up. I guess it's not going to pop up.
00:01:11.120 --> 00:01:13.780
It's going to make me put all this stuff in again. Okay, right.
00:01:24.620 --> 00:01:30.760
So I'm hoping that I can get this going. Anyway, welcome to another episode
00:01:30.760 --> 00:01:32.000
of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast.
00:01:32.220 --> 00:01:35.120
It's your boy, Terry. This is the Cancer Chronicles.
00:01:35.640 --> 00:01:45.600
It has been a couple of, it's been a while since I have done one of these.
00:01:46.440 --> 00:01:49.620
So hopefully, like I said before, I hope I can get some folks on here,
00:01:49.700 --> 00:01:50.580
get some traction going.
00:01:51.380 --> 00:01:55.620
Instagram is not going to let me be, I'm going to shut the Instagram down because
00:01:55.620 --> 00:01:57.420
that's going to make me mad in a minute. All right.
00:01:57.560 --> 00:02:02.580
So anyway, just to give you guys an update, those of you guys who have been
00:02:02.580 --> 00:02:07.960
following the journey, it's been a long one.
00:02:09.840 --> 00:02:13.860
So for those of you that may be watching or listening to this,
00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:15.120
I'm going to give you guys a recap.
00:02:16.220 --> 00:02:22.820
Again, my name is Terry. I was diagnosed with stage three pancreatic cancer
00:02:22.820 --> 00:02:25.320
on December 23rd of 2024.
00:02:28.480 --> 00:02:32.980
And life has been such a whirlwind since that's happened I mean so much stuff
00:02:32.980 --> 00:02:37.240
has changed people have entered and exited my life.
00:02:40.500 --> 00:02:46.460
Just you know when you think about having pancreatic cancer or any cancer for
00:02:46.460 --> 00:02:52.640
that matter you think about life and all the mistakes,
00:02:53.840 --> 00:02:57.700
you've made all the bad choices you've made and all that.
00:02:59.320 --> 00:03:05.420
But what I've learned in my journey is that I can't beat myself up too much for it.
00:03:06.320 --> 00:03:12.120
A lot of the choices and bad decisions that I've made in my life are choices
00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:13.540
and bad decisions that I've made.
00:03:13.840 --> 00:03:18.820
And no one, I can't... Hey, She-Ra, what's going on? How are you?
00:03:19.700 --> 00:03:22.880
Watch me over there on YouTube. I appreciate you. Um...
00:03:25.128 --> 00:03:29.548
So you learn to live with the mistakes. You learn to live with it,
00:03:29.688 --> 00:03:33.428
and you come to a realization about a lot of things.
00:03:35.488 --> 00:03:41.248
And I've learned that I've made a heaping helping of bad choices.
00:03:43.248 --> 00:03:47.168
Sometimes it's hard to sit and to look at it, you know, in this.
00:03:47.448 --> 00:03:51.628
I'm not going to say I'm at the end of my life. I'm not going to say that because that's not.
00:03:52.208 --> 00:03:58.468
You put everything, you know, the power of life and deficit and talk.
00:03:59.288 --> 00:04:02.508
So if I sit here and say, oh, it's my end of my life. This is the last time
00:04:02.508 --> 00:04:03.948
you guys might hear from me.
00:04:04.928 --> 00:04:08.728
I don't, I'm not there. I'm not there yet.
00:04:08.968 --> 00:04:13.348
There are certain realizations in my life, though, is that some things I can
00:04:13.348 --> 00:04:16.428
take back, some things I can't, some things I can make up for,
00:04:16.548 --> 00:04:17.428
some things that I can't.
00:04:17.528 --> 00:04:20.848
And I'm just in that place. Right. So this is just an update.
00:04:21.628 --> 00:04:25.968
Of where I am in my cancer journey here.
00:04:28.188 --> 00:04:32.068
So those of you, like I said, if you're new here, if you're listening to this,
00:04:32.488 --> 00:04:36.708
diagnosed back in December 23rd, 2024.
00:04:39.368 --> 00:04:46.848
Would I say life has been all the way difficult coming from the support,
00:04:47.228 --> 00:04:52.448
money, being able to live? And, you know, it's tough, right?
00:04:53.688 --> 00:04:58.308
And I found myself, you know, relying on people.
00:04:58.468 --> 00:05:01.908
I started a GoFundMe here a couple months ago.
00:05:02.208 --> 00:05:08.108
Had a tremendous reaction to the GoFundMe, to all of those people that donated to the GoFundMe.
00:05:08.268 --> 00:05:12.368
I appreciate you more than you will ever, ever know. And you know who you are.
00:05:12.548 --> 00:05:18.368
There are some folks that extended above and beyond on that GoFundMe. And I appreciate you.
00:05:20.168 --> 00:05:28.368
So, just to give you guys another recap, I am scheduled for 12 rounds of chemo.
00:05:29.048 --> 00:05:33.908
I just finished up round six, so I'm halfway through.
00:05:35.068 --> 00:05:42.828
So, what happens now is that I get a CT scan.
00:05:43.748 --> 00:05:49.268
That way, my oncologist can look at my CT scan and tell me on Wednesday, I'm sorry, Monday,
00:05:50.992 --> 00:05:56.312
What the chemotherapy is doing, what we're all hoping for, what I'm praying
00:05:56.312 --> 00:05:58.112
for is that I come back with a report.
00:05:59.352 --> 00:06:03.092
Because it could come back one of three ways.
00:06:04.452 --> 00:06:11.872
One way she can walk in there and say, Mr. Little, the chemo is doing absolutely nothing.
00:06:12.972 --> 00:06:16.392
It has not shrunk your tumor, hasn't done anything.
00:06:16.692 --> 00:06:20.692
It hasn't grown. No, that's one thing. It hasn't done anything.
00:06:20.992 --> 00:06:23.352
The second thing she can do is come in there and say it hasn't done anything.
00:06:23.512 --> 00:06:30.772
However, your tumor hasn't grown nor shrunk or nor metastasized to any other organ.
00:06:31.872 --> 00:06:36.152
Because once it metastasizes to something else, like my liver or my kidneys
00:06:36.152 --> 00:06:39.792
or whatever, then I go into stage four and then they give me another prognosis.
00:06:42.272 --> 00:06:46.492
So she could come in there and say, hey, you could be completely NED,
00:06:46.772 --> 00:06:48.912
which is the cancer is completely gone.
00:06:50.992 --> 00:06:55.412
We can do that. She can come in there and say, we had just enough shrinkage
00:06:55.412 --> 00:07:01.532
of this tumor to where we can go ahead and have your willpower surgery conducted
00:07:01.532 --> 00:07:03.212
and get rid of the cancer altogether.
00:07:03.512 --> 00:07:05.712
So that's where we are. Okay.
00:07:06.492 --> 00:07:10.432
So we're in the middle. We're dead smack in the middle of the treatments.
00:07:11.152 --> 00:07:15.512
My goal is to ring the bell after the 12th round.
00:07:17.152 --> 00:07:24.592
So realistically I'm faced with a decision you know and my decision is going to be.
00:07:27.550 --> 00:07:35.250
Do I, depending on how she comes into the room on Monday, whatever she says
00:07:35.250 --> 00:07:37.810
to me, my decision is going to be one.
00:07:38.830 --> 00:07:46.910
Okay, if she comes in and says, the chemo is not working. It's not shrinking. I don't do anything.
00:07:48.690 --> 00:07:52.350
My decision then would be, do I continue chemo?
00:07:54.930 --> 00:07:59.890
That's one of those questions you don't want to you don't want to be faced with
00:07:59.890 --> 00:08:08.350
that but realistically if she comes in the room and says the chemo is not doing anything for you,
00:08:09.970 --> 00:08:15.250
my decision at that point would be do I continue the chemo because if six rounds
00:08:15.250 --> 00:08:21.270
ain't done nothing six more ain't going to do anything either that's kind of the premise right,
00:08:23.530 --> 00:08:28.250
if she comes in there and says, hey, well, you know, the chemo is doing something.
00:08:28.450 --> 00:08:33.170
It's not, it hasn't, excuse me, it hasn't shrunk it to the point where you can do surgery.
00:08:33.990 --> 00:08:37.750
Then I'm going to be like, okay, let's go ahead and finish the last six and
00:08:37.750 --> 00:08:39.210
then go into radiation and see what happens.
00:08:41.190 --> 00:08:42.110
Or she can say.
00:08:45.550 --> 00:08:49.270
Yeah, that's nothing we can do. Then I'm faced with it.
00:08:49.910 --> 00:08:54.290
That's the real decision. And that's what the fear sets in.
00:08:54.410 --> 00:08:58.710
And I know my Christian folk is going to say to me, they're going to say to
00:08:58.710 --> 00:09:01.970
me, God didn't give us a spirit of fear, all that.
00:09:02.170 --> 00:09:06.270
And I totally understand it. I totally understand it.
00:09:07.250 --> 00:09:11.710
But that doesn't stop me from still being fearful because it could be any number
00:09:11.710 --> 00:09:13.510
of things that could come out.
00:09:13.610 --> 00:09:19.490
So what I'm asking to people who are listening, people who are watching this
00:09:19.490 --> 00:09:21.650
live stream, Right for her brother.
00:09:21.870 --> 00:09:24.190
Because you just never know. You just never know.
00:09:26.050 --> 00:09:30.090
So that's my update with my cancer and the journey that I'm on.
00:09:32.590 --> 00:09:37.110
If it were you, and this is the question I want to pose to my audience that's
00:09:37.110 --> 00:09:41.230
listening, whether you're listening on the podcast, the audio version of this,
00:09:41.350 --> 00:09:42.170
whether you're watching on live stream,
00:09:43.550 --> 00:09:51.290
if it were you, and your oncologist walked in and said, okay Mr. and Mrs.
00:09:51.370 --> 00:10:00.910
So and so your chemo isn't working hasn't done anything for you what would you do that's the question.
00:10:04.690 --> 00:10:07.390
Or if she comes in there and says you know,
00:10:10.870 --> 00:10:18.490
it's shrinking a little bit you know if we continue it might have some more progress what do you do,
00:10:20.550 --> 00:10:23.070
or she comes in there and says what do you do,
00:10:24.814 --> 00:10:30.994
There's nothing we can do. We can stop chemo and go right into radiation,
00:10:31.874 --> 00:10:35.214
which is probably what I would do if she came in.
00:10:35.694 --> 00:10:39.134
If it were me and she came in and said that, you know, the chemo is not working,
00:10:39.594 --> 00:10:40.914
you know, what do you want to do?
00:10:41.114 --> 00:10:48.914
I think that would be my absolute decision. I think I would stop chemo immediately
00:10:48.914 --> 00:10:50.514
and I would jump on radiation.
00:10:51.454 --> 00:10:54.034
But, again, this is just an opinion.
00:10:54.994 --> 00:10:56.794
I'm asking you guys for your opinion. What would you do?
00:10:58.754 --> 00:11:04.034
Okay, Dexcom. All right, all right, all right, all right. That's my Dexcom.
00:11:04.274 --> 00:11:06.134
For those of you that know anything about that.
00:11:08.894 --> 00:11:10.374
That's it. If you're a diabetic,
00:11:12.574 --> 00:11:17.554
it monitors your blood sugar. So it's just kind of, I wear it under my arm. There it is right there.
00:11:17.934 --> 00:11:22.634
And I wear it under my arm and it monitors my blood sugar, which is kind of high right now.
00:11:22.714 --> 00:11:26.214
I need to make some insulin. But anyways, what would you do?
00:11:28.234 --> 00:11:33.614
So, switching gears. I've said this before in this podcast, and I'll say it
00:11:33.614 --> 00:11:34.814
again and again and again.
00:11:35.174 --> 00:11:41.874
And I'll say it until I'm no longer on this earth.
00:11:42.974 --> 00:11:48.334
Is that love the people who love you. Support the people that support you.
00:11:51.834 --> 00:11:56.874
Do everything in your power to be a good person because there's some things
00:11:56.874 --> 00:12:03.134
you can't take back it's just not you wanted to but it's just some things you can't take back,
00:12:05.814 --> 00:12:09.714
there's some things that you'll never outlive there's nothing on this planet
00:12:09.714 --> 00:12:14.114
you're going to outlive because you're going to die eventually we all are go ahead.
00:12:18.477 --> 00:12:26.017
If you are in a place right now where you don't know, stop for a minute. Take a breath.
00:12:30.237 --> 00:12:36.517
Look in the mirror and change what you can change.
00:12:38.997 --> 00:12:41.517
Make better decisions. Make better choices.
00:12:43.737 --> 00:12:46.777
Try and not hold grudges.
00:12:46.897 --> 00:12:51.337
Grudges are bad. I don't know why people, you know, and I used to be the king
00:12:51.337 --> 00:12:53.557
of grudges. I used to be the king of grudges and petty.
00:12:55.557 --> 00:12:59.117
And none of that stuff you can take with you. You know what I'm saying?
00:12:59.637 --> 00:13:08.497
And the only thing you're doing is you're letting other people rent space in
00:13:08.497 --> 00:13:12.277
your head for whatever reason, which doesn't do any good because they don't care.
00:13:12.737 --> 00:13:17.057
They're living their life, you know, and you're still holding on to something
00:13:17.057 --> 00:13:18.377
that happened years and years ago,
00:13:20.437 --> 00:13:28.297
or months ago or days ago or whatever. But you have to make a decision to say, I'm not.
00:13:29.717 --> 00:13:34.317
Because tomorrow, I promise you guys, is not promised to you.
00:13:36.157 --> 00:13:45.117
If I can be completely transparent in this episode, is that I am scared out of my wit.
00:13:47.717 --> 00:13:56.777
I don't, you know, because I think about when I put in, like when I first got
00:13:56.777 --> 00:14:02.377
diagnosed and, you know, it was like, hey, you need to phone for your long-term disability.
00:14:02.477 --> 00:14:06.977
You need to get your social security in order. and all that.
00:14:08.677 --> 00:14:14.497
And these, because you hear in the beginning, you hear, oh, it takes six months
00:14:14.497 --> 00:14:17.817
to a year to get approved for your disability and this and that.
00:14:18.877 --> 00:14:21.957
Let me tell you how quick they did mine.
00:14:22.377 --> 00:14:26.497
I applied for Social Security Disability on April the 2nd.
00:14:26.857 --> 00:14:31.097
I was approved. I got an approval letter and an award letter on the 15th of
00:14:31.097 --> 00:14:32.917
April. That's how fast it was.
00:14:33.457 --> 00:14:37.537
And then I asked him, you know, So I asked one of the agents,
00:14:37.697 --> 00:14:40.177
and I was like, hey, I said, why is it so, why did it happen so quickly?
00:14:41.497 --> 00:14:46.877
And he said, well, you know, you have a pretty grim diagnosis,
00:14:47.737 --> 00:14:50.777
you know, so do you want to go ahead and get that started?
00:14:52.957 --> 00:14:58.057
And the speed that it took to get everything approved, even though I have to wait,
00:14:58.217 --> 00:15:09.017
you know, my waiting period or whatever, But the speed that it took for them to approve me was crazy.
00:15:09.877 --> 00:15:10.697
It was crazy.
00:15:13.197 --> 00:15:17.117
So that, you know, it's little stuff. It's stuff like that. You know,
00:15:17.177 --> 00:15:20.857
it's like it makes you put life in perspective. Like, man, this is crazy.
00:15:21.857 --> 00:15:27.197
Like, I could be gone next month. I could be gone six months from now. Who knows? You know?
00:15:28.357 --> 00:15:36.157
That's why it's important. it's important to be true to yourself because you
00:15:36.157 --> 00:15:37.897
just never know. You just never know.
00:15:38.217 --> 00:15:42.577
And I'll repeat that until I'm blue in the face. You just never know.
00:15:44.037 --> 00:15:47.437
And, you know, I'm going to do this podcast until I just can't no more.
00:15:48.317 --> 00:15:51.817
I'm going to do this podcast. I'm going to be more consistent with it, you know.
00:15:54.697 --> 00:15:58.617
But sometimes, you know, chemo has me wrecked, you know.
00:16:05.754 --> 00:16:09.674
And nobody ever calls me up and says, well, you know, I got some people,
00:16:09.754 --> 00:16:11.654
I have certain people that check on me all the time.
00:16:11.794 --> 00:16:19.714
But there are certain aspects of chemo that I absolutely hate.
00:16:20.594 --> 00:16:23.454
And one of the drugs that I take is called Florinox.
00:16:25.114 --> 00:16:28.034
That's another drug. That's not Florinox. That's another drug that I take.
00:16:28.814 --> 00:16:32.394
And it gives me the sensitivity. productivity cold.
00:16:33.574 --> 00:16:39.014
So what I mean by that is that I can't drink anything out of the fridge for
00:16:39.014 --> 00:16:41.814
like a week because I have chemo every two weeks.
00:16:42.154 --> 00:16:47.034
So the day I get infused for that week, I can't drink anything out of the fridge
00:16:47.034 --> 00:16:51.454
because it tastes like I'm swallowing razor blades.
00:16:52.014 --> 00:16:55.794
That's how it, and then to the touch, it's called neuropathy.
00:16:55.974 --> 00:17:00.214
I think you guys have heard me say this on this podcast, but it's called neuropathy.
00:17:00.554 --> 00:17:04.014
And it gets into, it makes your fingers tingle like really, really bad.
00:17:04.154 --> 00:17:10.974
It's like somebody busts a 40 ounce on somebody's head and you're picking up
00:17:10.974 --> 00:17:13.614
the glass shard. That's what it feels like, right?
00:17:15.214 --> 00:17:18.134
Normally in neuropathy, you get it in your fingers and toes,
00:17:18.234 --> 00:17:19.234
but I just get it in my fingers.
00:17:21.334 --> 00:17:28.954
And it is the worst feeling ever. and walking around nauseous like you would not believe it.
00:17:29.314 --> 00:17:31.814
And they give you medication for your nausea.
00:17:32.654 --> 00:17:37.674
But every time I take a the meds, I'm so nauseous when I'm on chemo.
00:17:37.974 --> 00:17:41.714
A couple days after chemo is that,
00:17:42.630 --> 00:17:46.610
That nausea, man, puts me on my ass for two or three days. Like,
00:17:46.670 --> 00:17:49.090
I can't function. I can't sleep.
00:17:49.970 --> 00:17:57.810
I actually had my son, Terry Jr., last weekend, and I got my infusion on Monday.
00:17:57.830 --> 00:18:00.450
So I get infused on Monday.
00:18:00.910 --> 00:18:09.510
I wear a fanny pack that has another drug that I'm ingesting Tuesday and Wednesday.
00:18:09.510 --> 00:18:13.350
I get the bandit pack removed on Wednesday, and then I'm walking out the rest
00:18:13.350 --> 00:18:14.750
of the symptoms Thursday, Friday.
00:18:14.870 --> 00:18:18.750
By the time I got him on Friday, I was no good to nobody.
00:18:19.150 --> 00:18:28.070
And so I kept him Friday, overnight, Friday into Saturday, and I just could not. I just could not.
00:18:28.350 --> 00:18:32.010
I could not function. I couldn't walk around with him. I couldn't.
00:18:32.170 --> 00:18:33.510
There's nothing I could do.
00:18:33.910 --> 00:18:37.550
And so I texted his mom, and I was like, hey, I said, I'm just not.
00:18:38.530 --> 00:18:42.190
I don't know if my body was out of whack because I used to do chemo on Fridays
00:18:42.190 --> 00:18:45.390
but now they moved it to Mondays. I don't know if it was out of whack. I'm not sure.
00:18:46.170 --> 00:18:49.810
But she was like, I understand. Pack them up. Bring them on.
00:18:50.990 --> 00:18:54.270
Because I think her fear is something happens to me and I have him.
00:18:54.430 --> 00:18:57.010
There's no way that she would know or whatever.
00:18:57.450 --> 00:19:00.990
My roommate has my phone number and all that jazz and he can unlock my phone
00:19:00.990 --> 00:19:04.630
and make decisions but I think that's one of her fears. I'm not sure.
00:19:05.970 --> 00:19:10.850
But that's one of the worst things I hate about chemo is that it knocks me out
00:19:10.850 --> 00:19:11.730
of commission for like a week.
00:19:13.410 --> 00:19:17.430
And some of my folks, they'll check on me like she'll check on me and text me
00:19:17.430 --> 00:19:21.010
and see how I'm doing. I appreciate her. All my friends do.
00:19:23.330 --> 00:19:26.310
But that's one of the things that I hate the worst.
00:19:28.690 --> 00:19:29.510
And so I'm like.
00:19:32.195 --> 00:19:36.855
That's the reason why I say, if she comes in there and says,
00:19:36.995 --> 00:19:40.835
the chemo's not doing anything for you, you know, you need to do something else.
00:19:41.295 --> 00:19:47.275
And I'm going to be happy to say, I'm done with chemo. I'm done with chemo at this point.
00:19:47.795 --> 00:19:51.615
Let's do radiation. See what radiation does to me. And then go from there.
00:19:53.335 --> 00:20:01.155
But in closing, I'll say this. Is just be mindful, y'all.
00:20:01.595 --> 00:20:07.135
Be mindful of what you do, what you say, and most importantly,
00:20:07.175 --> 00:20:13.235
how you say it, because I'm a firm believer and I will believe it until I'm six feet.
00:20:14.055 --> 00:20:19.295
I'm a firm believer that it's never what you say is how you say that thing. You know what I mean?
00:20:19.815 --> 00:20:24.915
So just be mindful of what you say to people and, you know, love each other.
00:20:25.475 --> 00:20:29.775
You know, forgive them people and you guys, if you haven't been following me
00:20:29.775 --> 00:20:34.875
long enough, you know, I'll tell you in a minute forgive them you know I had
00:20:34.875 --> 00:20:38.895
to forgive people I had to ask people to forgive me with the stuff that I've done,
00:20:40.955 --> 00:20:49.335
so forgive people most importantly at the end of the day forgive yourself forgive
00:20:49.335 --> 00:20:52.195
yourself I know that it's tough but.
00:20:55.115 --> 00:20:59.795
It's okay it's okay to not be okay it's okay to forgive yourself it's okay to
00:20:59.795 --> 00:21:06.235
you know to reflect and grow and learn and it's okay,
00:21:07.455 --> 00:21:10.175
you have a new day every day that you wake up,
00:21:11.675 --> 00:21:19.255
and God puts breath into your body and gives you one more day you have another chance to make it right,
00:21:20.935 --> 00:21:26.355
so that is what I will say to you guys in closing you guys have a great rest
00:21:26.355 --> 00:21:28.475
of your night I will see you next time.
