An Honest Exploration of Divorce, Co-Parenting, and Dating Again with Special Guest SheRa Renee

1
00:00:00,837 --> 00:00:03,477
All right, you guys, welcome to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles

2
00:00:03,477 --> 00:00:06,577
podcast. This is your boy, Terry. Here I am again, after Sunday.

3
00:00:07,697 --> 00:00:11,017
We're going to have a conversation, but today I'm doing something a little different.

4
00:00:11,217 --> 00:00:15,077
I got my first guest on my podcast, which I normally don't do guests,

5
00:00:15,217 --> 00:00:19,697
but she's my first one and she's been down with her brothers for a minute.

6
00:00:19,837 --> 00:00:21,777
So listen, y'all stay tuned.

7
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:25,077
You're going to dig it. I promise. Hang tight.

8
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:58,960
Music.

9
00:00:28,797 --> 00:00:32,877
Welcome to the Knucklehead Chronicles Podcast.

10
00:00:59,497 --> 00:01:02,877
All right. And welcome back to another episode. Again, this is your boy,

11
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:06,457
Terry, man. I'm just trying to make it through one more day.

12
00:01:06,577 --> 00:01:12,497
All right. So we are, this episode is called the Divorce Chronicles and I bring my special guest.

13
00:01:12,617 --> 00:01:16,997
Now me and this young lady have been, have been friends for golly,

14
00:01:16,997 --> 00:01:20,697
at least, at least 10 years, at least. It doesn't seem like it's It's been that

15
00:01:20,697 --> 00:01:26,037
long, but you know, but anyway, I always been, I always, I'm going to introduce her now.

16
00:01:26,637 --> 00:01:32,517
I always get her name wrong because when I see it, I think about He-Man and all that.

17
00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:38,117
So, so her name, Shira, Shira Renee.

18
00:01:38,657 --> 00:01:42,157
We've been down since the days of Periscope. And if anybody's listening to this

19
00:01:42,157 --> 00:01:46,897
and know what Periscope is, that was an app owned by Twitter,

20
00:01:46,977 --> 00:01:50,677
I think some years ago, So, but it was the bomb.

21
00:01:50,757 --> 00:01:54,377
That's how a lot of us met on social media streets. It was all Periscope.

22
00:01:54,757 --> 00:01:57,497
Anyway, Ms. Sharia is a Jersey girl. Jersey.

23
00:01:58,897 --> 00:02:03,377
She's a mother, daughter, sister, all around great friend. She's been a friend of mine forever.

24
00:02:03,817 --> 00:02:07,037
We lost contact for a minute because I think we both got married and we went

25
00:02:07,037 --> 00:02:08,597
separate ways and all that.

26
00:02:09,357 --> 00:02:15,477
It's amazing how you separate for a certain reason and then you're brought together,

27
00:02:16,297 --> 00:02:19,057
for the opposite reason. It's crazy how that works out.

28
00:02:19,237 --> 00:02:24,817
But she's also the host and creator for our very own podcast,

29
00:02:24,817 --> 00:02:26,057
the Blemish Beauty Podcast.

30
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:29,217
She talks about a whole bunch of stuff, has a live show that comes out on Friday,

31
00:02:29,237 --> 00:02:30,777
I think it is, on YouTube.

32
00:02:31,257 --> 00:02:35,137
She's doing some stuff. And I'm really appreciative of who she is and who she

33
00:02:35,137 --> 00:02:36,677
is in my life. I really want to,

34
00:02:37,587 --> 00:02:40,887
Thank her for being here. But today, though, we're going to talk about Divorce Chronicles.

35
00:02:40,967 --> 00:02:46,247
And we're both, funny enough, going through the same thing. So I'm going to bring her on stage.

36
00:02:46,747 --> 00:02:49,327
So y'all give it up for Shiraz.

37
00:02:50,867 --> 00:02:54,247
Hey, girlfriend. Hey, it's the sound effects for me.

38
00:02:56,927 --> 00:03:01,087
Listen, I know we've been friends for so long, right?

39
00:03:01,267 --> 00:03:04,487
And it's kind of hard to have this conversation with you.

40
00:03:04,487 --> 00:03:10,027
Because we both are now going through just the exact same thing and just and

41
00:03:10,027 --> 00:03:16,507
it's crazy because we met on Periscope and,

42
00:03:17,467 --> 00:03:21,767
we kind of were crushing, was crushing, I wasn't married then when I first met

43
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:30,887
you and all of that I go do my thing you basically go do yours and here we are, right here okay so.

44
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,367
It's crazy how life work ain't it it's just it's weird it's

45
00:03:37,367 --> 00:03:40,147
weird um so now we're both

46
00:03:40,147 --> 00:03:43,107
going to divorce now here's my question to you i don't

47
00:03:43,107 --> 00:03:46,267
i think i'm not sure how far down the process you are

48
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:49,667
as far as divorce i'm just i'm just now i got

49
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:52,847
my final court date so maybe we can get some stuff finalized

50
00:03:52,847 --> 00:03:55,827
but where are you i mean what did

51
00:03:55,827 --> 00:03:59,447
you how did you feel when it

52
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:06,007
went down for you you and like what was that aha pivotal moment for you there

53
00:04:06,007 --> 00:04:14,247
was a couple that um the major one was when you realize that you're riding for

54
00:04:14,247 --> 00:04:17,107
someone who is parked for you.

55
00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:21,827
Like you are willing and you are

56
00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:27,167
here going through everything that this person and doors in their life.

57
00:04:27,347 --> 00:04:32,047
And when you reach certain aspects of your life where you need them,

58
00:04:32,207 --> 00:04:36,287
they're not there and they're supposed to be the main one that's supposed to be there.

59
00:04:37,347 --> 00:04:42,187
That was a pivotal moment for me to just say, yeah, I'm going to head out.

60
00:04:42,207 --> 00:04:44,227
Wife is Spongebob. I'm going to head out.

61
00:04:44,587 --> 00:04:50,987
I love that Spongebob meme. I don't care what nobody say. When I saw that, that's kind of my go-to.

62
00:04:51,127 --> 00:04:53,927
Yeah, I'm going to head out. Yeah, really.

63
00:04:54,867 --> 00:05:00,047
It was you know for me it was difficult you know I mean because I want to say

64
00:05:00,047 --> 00:05:02,887
I saw it coming I mean we had a conversation before on the phone about this

65
00:05:02,887 --> 00:05:07,567
and you know I want to say that I saw it coming but I didn't and it was.

66
00:05:09,487 --> 00:05:14,627
I think it's one of those things that to this date you know it still pisses me off,

67
00:05:15,658 --> 00:05:18,878
but I can't really fault anybody but myself here because I had to become.

68
00:05:19,978 --> 00:05:23,518
There were some things. So then it begs the question, who am I really mad at?

69
00:05:23,858 --> 00:05:27,418
You know what I'm saying? I really can't be mad at her because she was just

70
00:05:27,418 --> 00:05:31,118
reacting on what I, my, my choices, right?

71
00:05:31,518 --> 00:05:35,818
So am I mad at me or am I really mad at her?

72
00:05:35,898 --> 00:05:39,058
I mean, I've never, through therapy though, I'm working on that,

73
00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:44,158
you know? So have you, what's the question here?

74
00:05:44,298 --> 00:05:48,318
Because, you've been going through, how long has it been since you guys been separated?

75
00:05:48,958 --> 00:05:54,238
Two years. Two years. That's a long time. I think the rules are a tad different

76
00:05:54,238 --> 00:06:02,578
in Jersey versus Missouri because here this woman declared divorce December the 2nd.

77
00:06:03,178 --> 00:06:07,838
Our asses were in court January 22nd. Really? Yes.

78
00:06:08,838 --> 00:06:13,138
But I had to, you know, I was like, this is too fast. This is not happening.

79
00:06:13,438 --> 00:06:16,738
And the thing of it was that she caught me at a bad time because when it hit

80
00:06:16,738 --> 00:06:19,118
me it affected me more than i thought it would,

81
00:06:20,038 --> 00:06:23,558
and so it put me in a dark place anybody that's been been listening to this

82
00:06:23,558 --> 00:06:28,678
long enough they'll they'll know it put me in a dark place and i would have

83
00:06:28,678 --> 00:06:30,318
given her just about everything i had,

84
00:06:30,898 --> 00:06:37,198
because i was i was just not even yeah not even close i think she was i think

85
00:06:37,198 --> 00:06:42,238
she was counting on that and i was like you know what no we're not doing this

86
00:06:42,238 --> 00:06:46,398
today you know so eventually Eventually I woke up and I had to go back and file

87
00:06:46,398 --> 00:06:48,638
some motions and go to the judge and say, hey.

88
00:06:49,795 --> 00:06:53,235
I don't agree to that. I don't agree to this. Now I got to. And she was like,

89
00:06:53,255 --> 00:06:54,035
well, this is what you got to do.

90
00:06:54,935 --> 00:06:57,915
Funny enough, I just got my letter the other day to give me my final court date.

91
00:06:59,175 --> 00:07:02,915
And the judge that was doing it before has since retired.

92
00:07:03,895 --> 00:07:07,415
So when we go to court on the 23rd, there's going to be a whole other commissioner

93
00:07:07,415 --> 00:07:09,795
up there behind the gavel. So I don't know.

94
00:07:11,535 --> 00:07:15,755
Is it a male or a female? It's a female. Come on, man. It's a female.

95
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:16,835
I was hoping it was a dude.

96
00:07:18,255 --> 00:07:22,775
No. No, I mean, not that it would matter because right is right and wrong is wrong.

97
00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:27,595
And you still can't get blood from a turner. I don't care what nobody's saying. You can't do it.

98
00:07:28,895 --> 00:07:31,875
So I don't care who's behind it. That's why people ask me all the time,

99
00:07:31,975 --> 00:07:33,175
don't get the attorney for what?

100
00:07:33,355 --> 00:07:39,615
This is not a civil matter. It's a thing of, you know, this is the money that I make a month.

101
00:07:39,755 --> 00:07:43,015
This is what I can afford. I mean, it's not about what I can afford to pay.

102
00:07:43,135 --> 00:07:46,615
It's about what the court deems necessary. necessary.

103
00:07:47,155 --> 00:07:50,855
So let's move on. Because we talking about me. I don't like me talking about

104
00:07:50,855 --> 00:07:54,135
me like that. I suck sometimes, you know, for real.

105
00:07:57,975 --> 00:08:01,155
And so as we were preparing for the show and I was asking you last night,

106
00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:05,455
I was like, what our subject was going to be and what we're going to talk about.

107
00:08:06,095 --> 00:08:10,675
And you gave me a host, a whole list of stuff that we're going to talk about on this podcast today.

108
00:08:12,815 --> 00:08:14,735
First thing we're going to talk about, we're going to talk about navigating

109
00:08:14,735 --> 00:08:22,835
through it. going from we're together, we're doing it one day to the next day it's,

110
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:27,770
What the hell just happened? You know what I'm saying? So what would that look

111
00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:30,910
like for you? What did that look like from the time?

112
00:08:31,930 --> 00:08:36,270
It's hard because I still kind of deal with it.

113
00:08:36,370 --> 00:08:40,190
Like, you know, when you're married and I don't think people understand it.

114
00:08:40,290 --> 00:08:44,710
When you're married, this one person, I don't want to say everything because,

115
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:45,990
you know, I believe in Jesus.

116
00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:50,350
So God will be everything. everything but when you

117
00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:53,290
are when you are married like this person is

118
00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:56,490
your go-to for everything like every emotion

119
00:08:56,490 --> 00:08:59,630
whatever's going on in the world like that's the

120
00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:03,310
first person of contact basically so it's

121
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:06,290
hard to navigate from this person being

122
00:09:06,290 --> 00:09:09,350
your first person of contact and then

123
00:09:09,350 --> 00:09:15,390
you try to pick up the phone and realize like oh yeah i can't so now i gotta

124
00:09:15,390 --> 00:09:20,910
yeah what i'm gonna to do now okay I gotta figure it out myself yeah that was

125
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:26,170
that was the tough part for me yeah navigating was a bit oh man navigating was

126
00:09:26,170 --> 00:09:28,910
a mofo I was like not ready you know and,

127
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:35,310
the the adjustment that I had to go through still affects me to the day and

128
00:09:35,310 --> 00:09:39,910
it's not even you know it's been a few months I mean I'm not I'm not out of

129
00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:43,170
the woods I'm not healed from it by any stretch.

130
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:48,210
But it was when I first moved in, because first of all, you know,

131
00:09:48,230 --> 00:09:50,930
I've been living in a place, I've been living in one address for 10 years.

132
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:55,430
I've been with one person for whatever, we've been in Missouri for the last three years.

133
00:09:55,990 --> 00:10:01,690
And to wake up in a different place, when I first opened up my eyes and I was

134
00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:05,470
in a different place than what I'm used to, that was a struggle for me.

135
00:10:05,510 --> 00:10:08,590
I'm like, even though where I'm living, I have a cool roommate,

136
00:10:08,970 --> 00:10:10,330
he's, you know, all that.

137
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:15,630
But waking up in his home in these four walls I'm not familiar with,

138
00:10:16,410 --> 00:10:19,790
my son's not there, that was hard. That was hard.

139
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:22,790
And some days I don't struggle with that now.

140
00:10:23,986 --> 00:10:26,886
Not so much. I still do every now and then. It's one of those.

141
00:10:27,486 --> 00:10:32,346
But I was just amazed at how quickly things change and turn.

142
00:10:33,126 --> 00:10:37,386
You have to adjust on the fly. I mean, it's like you can't prepare for it.

143
00:10:37,406 --> 00:10:39,166
It's just, you just got to move.

144
00:10:39,266 --> 00:10:43,486
And it's like, okay, I'm learning how to move on the fly.

145
00:10:43,666 --> 00:10:46,286
Because I didn't know how to do it before. Because I've always had someone else

146
00:10:46,286 --> 00:10:48,466
to do it. I had someone to hold my hand.

147
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:52,126
But now it's just me. And it's like, okay.

148
00:10:54,726 --> 00:11:01,566
It'll change the game. So, Shira, are you seeking any kind of therapy behind this?

149
00:11:02,606 --> 00:11:05,386
I've done life coaching. That was first.

150
00:11:06,186 --> 00:11:13,486
And kind of to just get me, you know, a frame of where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do.

151
00:11:13,626 --> 00:11:18,926
And that kind of helped me re-center myself.

152
00:11:19,266 --> 00:11:24,526
Right. And then give me that affirmation and the confidence that I needed to push forward.

153
00:11:24,646 --> 00:11:28,646
And then after that, that's when I did the therapy.

154
00:11:28,786 --> 00:11:31,846
So I definitely took advantage of therapy.

155
00:11:33,586 --> 00:11:37,406
Do you think, being that I did a podcast episode the other day,

156
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:41,166
and I was saying about, I think it was called Delete the Number.

157
00:11:41,266 --> 00:11:44,986
That was the name of the episode. And I said, you know, it's amazing how after

158
00:11:44,986 --> 00:11:50,366
something as tragic as going through a divorce makes you who you are.

159
00:11:50,466 --> 00:11:52,886
I keep like, you go through all that and you found, you found yourself.

160
00:11:53,106 --> 00:11:57,066
You tap into, yeah, you tap into your strength. And I'm like, okay.

161
00:11:57,486 --> 00:12:02,006
I remember a time when on Periscope, I couldn't get you on camera.

162
00:12:02,446 --> 00:12:05,646
I couldn't get you on camera to get you to say nothing. I didn't get you to

163
00:12:05,646 --> 00:12:08,466
do nothing. But now, you're every darn well.

164
00:12:09,606 --> 00:12:13,706
I'm trying. I'm trying to be busy. And I'm like, okay, see?

165
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:17,866
And when I said that line in that episode, I thought about you.

166
00:12:17,906 --> 00:12:20,966
That was the reason why I said it. Because I was saying, because...

167
00:12:23,829 --> 00:12:27,669
When you, when you tie yourself to someone, you lose yourself.

168
00:12:27,709 --> 00:12:29,169
You literally lose yourself in people.

169
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:34,549
And that's what happened with mine is that when I was doing this,

170
00:12:34,549 --> 00:12:37,949
this podcasting thing, and then she really wasn't supporting it like that.

171
00:12:38,129 --> 00:12:41,409
I kind of went, okay, let me let it go.

172
00:12:41,569 --> 00:12:47,889
And then I lost myself in it, but I know that being behind the mic is what makes me happy. Right.

173
00:12:49,009 --> 00:12:53,789
But I look at you and you're kind of what's the word up here I don't want to

174
00:12:53,789 --> 00:12:58,409
blow your head up but um what I don't want to blow your head up I don't want

175
00:12:58,409 --> 00:13:01,729
to be like you know I don't want to I'll be talking you say something crazy

176
00:13:01,729 --> 00:13:04,149
and I gotta be like hey bro come on now dog,

177
00:13:05,649 --> 00:13:08,569
come on I don't want to do that so I just,

178
00:13:10,169 --> 00:13:18,349
it's just I love it so yeah grateful for you and your growth,

179
00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:25,329
in this because you could have bowed out easy and I could have bowed out easy. But now it's time.

180
00:13:26,169 --> 00:13:28,169
We got this. We're going to fight it. We're going to fight it.

181
00:13:30,669 --> 00:13:34,969
So moving on here. I suck. Moving on here.

182
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:39,529
Okay. Let's get into co-parenting. Okay. Let's get into co-parenting.

183
00:13:39,829 --> 00:13:42,569
That's the reason why editing is going to be important because I'm going to

184
00:13:42,569 --> 00:13:43,949
go in here and delete all that.

185
00:13:46,309 --> 00:13:49,789
Co-parenting. I'm struggling in this area. I don't know about you.

186
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:54,989
Because you guys have, how old is Nasir now? Four. Four.

187
00:13:56,309 --> 00:14:00,869
My son, he just turned seven yesterday. But I had him last weekend,

188
00:14:00,909 --> 00:14:02,449
so I celebrated his birthday last weekend.

189
00:14:04,269 --> 00:14:07,469
So what's that, what does that look like between you and your ex,

190
00:14:07,589 --> 00:14:11,289
the co-parenting? How far are you guys from each other? And that's probably another thing.

191
00:14:11,849 --> 00:14:16,509
We're in a different, we're in two different cities. Well, yeah,

192
00:14:16,629 --> 00:14:17,689
we're in two different cities.

193
00:14:17,809 --> 00:14:22,449
So it's not far, maybe like a bus ride or two from each other.

194
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:27,749
So co-parenting has been good at first. It wasn't.

195
00:14:27,889 --> 00:14:33,049
But now we have navigated to the point where we kind of work together.

196
00:14:33,969 --> 00:14:40,949
Specifically because my job is not it's flexible like the scheduling so and

197
00:14:40,949 --> 00:14:46,569
that's one of the things that was hard to navigate with as well because when

198
00:14:46,569 --> 00:14:52,129
you're married you automatically have one household so if i have to work.

199
00:14:53,334 --> 00:14:56,354
My baby's already in the house with someone.

200
00:14:56,954 --> 00:15:01,554
So now that we're separated, it's like, okay, now I have to make provisions

201
00:15:01,554 --> 00:15:06,374
to make sure that he's picked up because I can't do it or whatever the case.

202
00:15:06,554 --> 00:15:11,474
And then we have to make provisions for a drop off when he does pick him up

203
00:15:11,474 --> 00:15:13,494
because we're not all in the same house.

204
00:15:13,594 --> 00:15:16,854
So that was hard at first, but now it's pretty good.

205
00:15:17,034 --> 00:15:20,094
He gets them every week, every other weekend, every other weekend.

206
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:24,854
Yes. Every other weekend. in and then he picks him up after school for me and

207
00:15:24,854 --> 00:15:27,254
then brings him to the house. So it's pretty good.

208
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:32,254
Don't you know I proposed to the court to get my son every other weekend?

209
00:15:32,414 --> 00:15:35,834
Don't you know that woman shouted at me and told me I was a crappy man because

210
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:37,394
I want to get my son every weekend?

211
00:15:38,014 --> 00:15:40,874
Don't you know that? You wanted him every weekend? No!

212
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:46,134
Oh, she wanted you to have him. I would love nothing more than to have my son

213
00:15:46,134 --> 00:15:48,594
every weekend, but I work too, you know?

214
00:15:48,794 --> 00:15:52,374
And my work schedule was wonky. I work at 1 p.m. to 9 p.m., right?

215
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:53,554
That's my eight-hour schedule.

216
00:15:53,934 --> 00:15:59,054
And then, because I work in a prison system, we're mandated a couple of days of overtime.

217
00:16:00,474 --> 00:16:05,154
And I'll put this to the court. Hey, if I can get him every other weekend, that'd be great.

218
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:09,494
And don't you know that woman shouted at me and told me, you ain't even a man.

219
00:16:09,694 --> 00:16:12,214
You won't take your son every weekend in this man. I was like.

220
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:18,934
I'm sorry. You feel that? You gotta have a life, too. No, not according to her.

221
00:16:19,114 --> 00:16:26,134
I better not. how dare I have a life what you mean I wasn't worth 5 16's in

222
00:16:26,134 --> 00:16:32,194
a row yeah yeah I wasn't worth 5 16's in a row have him every weekend yeah.

223
00:16:33,714 --> 00:16:46,634
Me have a life what's that what's that so co-parenting for us so I'm glad that you and your ex have a,

224
00:16:48,085 --> 00:16:54,825
a situation or a system to where it works. And I think me and mine X are getting there.

225
00:16:55,005 --> 00:16:57,565
Eventually we ain't, we ain't there yet. I think.

226
00:16:57,765 --> 00:17:01,825
And the reason why that we can't come to any kind of agreement about anything

227
00:17:01,825 --> 00:17:04,065
is because we're still pissed at each other.

228
00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:08,025
Right. Something I really believe it. Maybe I'm wrong here. Help me.

229
00:17:08,165 --> 00:17:14,085
But I feel like there's no, there would not be any level of okay.

230
00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:17,705
Or any level of agreement until you take the emotion out.

231
00:17:18,585 --> 00:17:21,425
Everybody's still pissed. I'm pissed at her. She's pissed at me. We kind of move.

232
00:17:22,065 --> 00:17:25,505
And it's just a, yeah. And I'm like, we'll never.

233
00:17:25,605 --> 00:17:30,605
And she was trying to tell me, look, she doesn't want to go to court, you know?

234
00:17:30,845 --> 00:17:34,285
And I'm like, I don't want to go to court either, but there's no agreement that

235
00:17:34,285 --> 00:17:37,725
we're going to, there's no agreement that you can say out of your mouth that I'm going to agree with.

236
00:17:37,825 --> 00:17:40,925
There's nothing I'm going to say out of my mouth that you're going to agree with.

237
00:17:41,585 --> 00:17:45,085
So I would let the court do it, you know? And she was like, well,

238
00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:47,365
how can we, why can't we come to an agreement? Because we're not,

239
00:17:47,365 --> 00:17:49,465
we're still pissed at each other. Right.

240
00:17:50,985 --> 00:17:54,965
Legal mediation. That's what that is. And I had to come to that agreement.

241
00:17:55,045 --> 00:17:56,145
I had to come to that fruition.

242
00:17:56,345 --> 00:17:59,465
I mean, that thing in my head going, yeah, I'm not going to,

243
00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:03,905
because at first it was a set amount that I had kind of agreed to,

244
00:18:03,985 --> 00:18:06,085
but I was in a dark place. And I was like, yeah.

245
00:18:06,465 --> 00:18:09,545
As I came out and I was like, wait a minute, I can't afford that.

246
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:14,185
Let me go to, let me go to the court and say, Hey, I can't afford this.

247
00:18:15,645 --> 00:18:18,405
That's, as we look at this, I pull all my check stubs up and everything.

248
00:18:19,145 --> 00:18:22,665
And then she really was mad about that. I pressed by that motion about,

249
00:18:22,765 --> 00:18:24,465
hey, I can't afford that. I can't.

250
00:18:25,225 --> 00:18:28,825
Well, yeah, he make this amount of money. Stop counting my pocket.

251
00:18:28,925 --> 00:18:30,645
Stay out of my pockets. You over there.

252
00:18:32,905 --> 00:18:33,625
But anyway.

253
00:18:34,825 --> 00:18:41,125
I digress. I digress. You know, sometimes, you know, some things you say to

254
00:18:41,125 --> 00:18:44,865
me, and I'm thinking to myself, what are you talking about?

255
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:48,785
You make this amount of money, how you count my pockets from over there?

256
00:18:49,365 --> 00:18:51,225
You no longer have access to me.

257
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:56,885
What you mean? Like, like, Hey, bro, come on now, dog.

258
00:18:58,085 --> 00:19:02,225
Come on, man. How did you come into this? I don't understand.

259
00:19:02,865 --> 00:19:06,245
Okay. Okay, so now, last topic and we're going to get out of here.

260
00:19:07,285 --> 00:19:10,585
The subject of dating after all of this.

261
00:19:14,305 --> 00:19:19,405
Dating? I mean, it's got to, and the thing is with you, Sherrod,

262
00:19:19,485 --> 00:19:21,745
is that it's a little tougher for you.

263
00:19:21,845 --> 00:19:27,425
Not really tougher, but it's, what's the word? Because you're saved for real.

264
00:19:27,505 --> 00:19:29,285
There ain't nobody. body,

265
00:19:31,965 --> 00:19:38,105
you I mean Lord he said you're saying for real you say for real like it's not

266
00:19:38,105 --> 00:19:43,225
gonna be no you know come through homeboy it's not like that right so what what

267
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:44,865
does dating look like what do you think it's gonna be,

268
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:48,685
you know.

269
00:19:51,785 --> 00:19:59,025
I was sorry this is what our conversations sound like you guys So just bear with us.

270
00:19:59,205 --> 00:20:11,205
But, you know, dating is it's interesting because so much has changed and we've

271
00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:14,305
been out of the loop for over five years.

272
00:20:14,305 --> 00:20:20,805
And I think that's when it changes, like a five-year interval.

273
00:20:21,005 --> 00:20:29,165
And what we were used to or accustomed to prior to going into these relationships is no more. Right.

274
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:35,731
So now it's just trying to navigate what is really going on.

275
00:20:35,871 --> 00:20:40,131
And this really something that I want to do because y'all crazy.

276
00:20:40,451 --> 00:20:43,431
Like, yeah. The world is crazy.

277
00:20:43,771 --> 00:20:48,811
Yeah. It's just it's just a different dynamic. That 90s approach and all,

278
00:20:48,931 --> 00:20:52,331
you know, the dating and recording and the stuff. People don't do that. Yeah.

279
00:20:53,011 --> 00:20:58,151
Netflix and showing. And, you know, I could do that with my son. I don't know.

280
00:21:00,911 --> 00:21:08,171
So have you tried today since her split? I've tried, but biblically,

281
00:21:08,451 --> 00:21:12,691
you know, you can't really open up a new door without closing it.

282
00:21:13,631 --> 00:21:19,031
I told y'all fellas, y'all listening to me, I told you she's safe for real. Ain't no coming.

283
00:21:20,291 --> 00:21:25,711
I've learned that because it just wouldn't work and it doesn't work because

284
00:21:25,711 --> 00:21:27,191
it's not supposed to right now.

285
00:21:27,271 --> 00:21:33,531
So So I've just been focusing on, you know, building my brand until that door closes.

286
00:21:33,711 --> 00:21:36,311
Yeah. When it closed. It's closed.

287
00:21:36,811 --> 00:21:43,611
So translation, ladies and gents, translation is, it does not go down in her

288
00:21:43,611 --> 00:21:45,391
DMs. I can promise you it don't go in there.

289
00:21:45,751 --> 00:21:52,331
No, it does. It really does. It does. Like you, you would be TikTok, Instagram, Facebook.

290
00:21:52,851 --> 00:21:55,211
Yes. But there's a substance.

291
00:21:55,751 --> 00:22:00,571
Stop. listen fellas for real listen to me listen to me real good it does not

292
00:22:00,571 --> 00:22:01,891
go down to her DM there's no,

293
00:22:02,511 --> 00:22:06,171
and the one thing about her is that like I said we've been friends for years

294
00:22:06,171 --> 00:22:10,711
and I can say this to her face behind her back it doesn't matter you ain't coming

295
00:22:10,711 --> 00:22:14,831
you ain't coming to have cock you better be all the way ready what's your favorite

296
00:22:14,831 --> 00:22:15,571
what's your favorite scripture,

297
00:22:16,686 --> 00:22:17,206
right.

298
00:22:19,426 --> 00:22:25,466
So we don't even do that up until today so fellas fellas it does not,

299
00:22:26,506 --> 00:22:32,166
you're going to have people looking at scriptures and be like I've had a big

300
00:22:32,166 --> 00:22:35,606
what's your favorite scripture what's your favorite scripture,

301
00:22:38,166 --> 00:22:41,546
Ecclesiastes three in one it's a time for everything.

302
00:22:45,126 --> 00:22:48,846
So So, let's not do that. Let's not do that. She said, no.

303
00:22:50,186 --> 00:22:52,946
These are the three in one. There's a time for everything and a season for every

304
00:22:52,946 --> 00:22:57,246
activity until that happens. Yeah. That means they're going down in the DM.

305
00:22:57,666 --> 00:23:00,226
All that. This is for them.

306
00:23:01,906 --> 00:23:07,926
How are you? Are you looking to get back into the dating space?

307
00:23:09,326 --> 00:23:13,526
Here's my problem. Is, I don't feel like I'm good enough.

308
00:23:14,526 --> 00:23:21,166
What do you mean? elaborate for anything I just don't feel like when I tell you,

309
00:23:23,726 --> 00:23:30,946
I tell you that she beat me down to nothing so I don't.

310
00:23:34,266 --> 00:23:43,406
Yeah I don't feel like I'm good enough so I try to I try to laugh my way through stuff or right,

311
00:23:44,806 --> 00:23:50,786
but at the end of it I have to keep from crying yeah but for the most part I

312
00:23:50,786 --> 00:23:53,826
mean I want to I mean but I know that I'm not ready you know what I'm saying

313
00:23:53,826 --> 00:23:59,226
but right I just feel like I'm not you know after you're called,

314
00:24:00,226 --> 00:24:06,046
a fake for so long you start to believe it after a while you know and uh.

315
00:24:07,522 --> 00:24:11,282
Yeah, being called less of a man, being called Debbie, being called,

316
00:24:11,442 --> 00:24:16,382
you know, so I just don't feel like I want to, I don't want to waste anybody's time.

317
00:24:17,142 --> 00:24:21,562
Right. So, ooh, this is not how I was supposed to win.

318
00:24:22,582 --> 00:24:27,182
I think this is, this is one of the hardest things to navigate through. Yeah. Yeah.

319
00:24:27,642 --> 00:24:34,122
When you've gone through a traumatic marriage where you had a spouse who has

320
00:24:34,122 --> 00:24:39,622
treated you this way, how do you tap back into trusting someone else?

321
00:24:39,862 --> 00:24:45,062
And I don't think a lot of people understand marriage is supposed to be the finish line.

322
00:24:45,282 --> 00:24:49,302
Right. So what happens now?

323
00:24:49,502 --> 00:24:52,622
Because I didn't got to the finish line and it's still in work.

324
00:24:52,622 --> 00:25:00,602
So how can you assure me that you are really we gonna take this and ride off

325
00:25:00,602 --> 00:25:05,162
into the sunset and be happily ever after I had a happily ever after and another

326
00:25:05,162 --> 00:25:10,702
happily ever after and it still didn't work so are you gonna be number 3,

327
00:25:10,762 --> 00:25:17,302
4 or are we just gonna keep adding names to the list I don't know I wake up

328
00:25:17,302 --> 00:25:20,622
every single morning and all I wanna be is okay,

329
00:25:21,722 --> 00:25:26,222
and you only can pretend for so long,

330
00:25:27,582 --> 00:25:32,362
until it hits you and I tried to talk to her I'm in therapy like big.

331
00:25:34,162 --> 00:25:37,322
And she was like Terry you just gotta be real with yourself you just gotta be

332
00:25:37,322 --> 00:25:42,342
real with whoever you're talking to or whatever and it's like you know the fear

333
00:25:42,342 --> 00:25:48,962
of being 100 and somebody is like I did that you know what I'm saying and this is what it got me.

334
00:25:50,364 --> 00:25:54,224
So that's, I don't know. Am I ready to date? Absolutely not.

335
00:25:54,404 --> 00:25:57,104
Do I want to date? Yeah, I do. I want to be wanted too.

336
00:25:57,244 --> 00:26:01,324
It's just like, I don't know why, for some reason, people think that men don't

337
00:26:01,324 --> 00:26:04,104
want to be wanted or desired just like a woman does.

338
00:26:04,984 --> 00:26:09,604
We got that same, we got the same vibe, the same energy. I want to be wanted.

339
00:26:10,224 --> 00:26:15,984
I want to walk into a room and my significant other, my partner is there.

340
00:26:16,024 --> 00:26:18,644
She sees me and her eyes light up.

341
00:26:19,124 --> 00:26:24,704
And she her arms yes I want that you think I don't want that hell yeah I want

342
00:26:24,704 --> 00:26:28,224
that but you know what it is I think the problem is,

343
00:26:28,904 --> 00:26:35,444
who we want it from is not necessarily who we need to get it from,

344
00:26:36,484 --> 00:26:39,284
that's true that is absolutely true I mean because

345
00:26:39,284 --> 00:26:42,784
people can you know fake

346
00:26:42,784 --> 00:26:45,944
the funk too and they go and I'll give

347
00:26:45,944 --> 00:26:49,064
them what they want a little bit just to entice them you know

348
00:26:49,064 --> 00:26:52,624
and so it's hard to trust people so how

349
00:26:52,624 --> 00:26:55,804
do we trust people how do we move how do we get to that level of

350
00:26:55,804 --> 00:27:01,744
trust with people after going through this yeah i mean we gotta we gotta look

351
00:27:01,744 --> 00:27:06,384
in different spaces because if you're looking on dating apps and all the things

352
00:27:06,384 --> 00:27:11,344
these people are looking to gain something without knowing who you are to your

353
00:27:11,344 --> 00:27:13,364
core and nine times out of ten.

354
00:27:14,715 --> 00:27:17,515
Most people will say like the ones that are married happily,

355
00:27:17,715 --> 00:27:19,655
let's say that word happily. There you go.

356
00:27:19,775 --> 00:27:25,315
They'll say my husband was somebody that I wouldn't want. My wife was somebody that I didn't expect.

357
00:27:25,655 --> 00:27:29,115
I wasn't looking for him or her. They were my friend.

358
00:27:29,275 --> 00:27:34,595
They weren't, they weren't a friend zone. They weren't in a dating space because

359
00:27:34,595 --> 00:27:38,955
your friend is the one who sees you vulnerable and doesn't judge, you know?

360
00:27:38,995 --> 00:27:44,215
So who not, well, who better to go into a relationship with than someone who,

361
00:27:44,715 --> 00:27:48,675
has already seen you vulnerable and still accepts you as opposed to expecting

362
00:27:48,675 --> 00:27:53,835
that from a stranger, not knowing if you're going to get that. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

363
00:27:54,655 --> 00:28:00,215
I mean, it's just, it is really crazy. It really is crazy. This whole situation, I hate divorce period.

364
00:28:01,035 --> 00:28:04,815
And somebody asked me a while back, you know, when this first happened,

365
00:28:06,015 --> 00:28:07,475
are you, when you get married again?

366
00:28:08,215 --> 00:28:13,295
And I said, no, I would never get married again. But at the same time,

367
00:28:13,395 --> 00:28:15,975
you know, Never say never. No, God hasn't.

368
00:28:16,215 --> 00:28:20,195
If you ever want to tell God, if you ever want to make God laugh, tell him your plan.

369
00:28:21,375 --> 00:28:22,755
So I don't know.

370
00:28:23,975 --> 00:28:29,415
But it's hard. It's navigating. It's co-parenting. It's all of this. It's new to me.

371
00:28:30,455 --> 00:28:34,915
And I just, you know, again, another episode I did one day at a time. It's all I could do.

372
00:28:35,035 --> 00:28:38,475
That's all I got. 24 hours to try to make it make sense.

373
00:28:39,755 --> 00:28:44,135
And some days it makes sense. Other days it don't. It really don't. but.

374
00:28:47,535 --> 00:28:52,495
So She-Ra I want to thank you for being on this episode listen because we need

375
00:28:52,495 --> 00:28:55,095
to do this more often we need to collab do some stuff but,

376
00:28:56,155 --> 00:28:59,735
yeah she be on she be on TikTok so y'all can follow her on TikTok I'm not sure

377
00:28:59,735 --> 00:29:01,495
what her name is I'm gonna give her the opportunity,

378
00:29:02,495 --> 00:29:07,235
to set it down and then give her your her give you her stuff so that way you

379
00:29:07,235 --> 00:29:12,175
guys can follow her but again thank you for being here I know it's early I know

380
00:29:12,175 --> 00:29:13,115
you gotta get out here It's fine.

381
00:29:15,157 --> 00:29:18,857
I appreciate you. So in closing, Ms. Yara, give me a, give me,

382
00:29:18,897 --> 00:29:22,317
give the people your final word and how they can reach you.

383
00:29:22,877 --> 00:29:27,737
Okay. You guys can follow the blemish beauty podcast on Apple and Spotify.

384
00:29:28,277 --> 00:29:38,277
You can follow me on Tik TOK and share Renee five, 10, and also on Instagram and on Facebook. Okay.

385
00:29:40,237 --> 00:29:43,217
Now with that being said, I'm gonna get on yet. Go ahead and get out of here.

386
00:29:43,217 --> 00:29:47,097
It has been a pleasure to talk to you guys one more again that's old school

387
00:29:47,097 --> 00:29:48,597
one more again who says that,

388
00:29:49,237 --> 00:29:54,057
you you telling age I know I'm old as hell one more again one more again,

389
00:29:54,557 --> 00:29:58,717
alright so you guys have a great rest of your day have a blessed week and remember

390
00:29:58,717 --> 00:30:03,377
that God loves you but I love you more I mean I'm sorry I love you but God loves

391
00:30:03,377 --> 00:30:05,597
you more have a great day we'll see you next time,

392
00:30:06,237 --> 00:30:15,057
not that one thank you for listening I hope I didn't fry your brain too bad.

393
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:21,840
Music.

394
00:30:15,157 --> 00:30:17,597
Come back through and give me another chance.

395
00:30:17,937 --> 00:30:24,577
You can listen on all platforms and visit us at knuckleheadchroniclespodcast.podbean.com.

396
00:30:24,737 --> 00:30:28,517
Until next time, in the words of the incomparable Jerry Springer,

397
00:30:28,637 --> 00:30:31,217
take care of yourself and each other.

398
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:39,423
Music.