A Healing Journey - The Knucklehead Chronicles

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All right, you guys, welcome to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast.

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It's your boy, Terry. I'm back at it again. This is episode,

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I think, 36 total on Apple Music.

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But anyways, today's episode I'm dedicating to a co-worker of mine.

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I'm not going to give her a name, but she knows who she is.

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I call her Hump, but I'll double H. This is for you. I appreciate you.

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The title of today's podcast is going to be simply Let Them.

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Let them, let them, let them. Stay tuned.

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Music.

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Welcome to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast.

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This podcast was designed to let you know that you aren't the only one that

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took forever to get it together.

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So the rabbit hole that you have stumbled down will hopefully help you understand

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that just when you think it's over, it's only the beginning.

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Just because you were dealt a bad hand doesn't mean you have to keep it.

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Welcome to the Knucklehead Chronicles Podcast.

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And welcome back to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles Podcast.

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Again, this is Terry. I'm just doing podcasting thing on my healing journey.

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And this is a long road, man. I can promise you this is a long road.

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But today's title of the podcast is dedicated to, like I said, my coworker, Double H.

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Like I said, I'm not going to get rid of the name. I do call her hump at work,

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but double H, I really appreciate you.

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Yesterday, I put up a post on my Facebook page,

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and it said that I'm tired of being the bad guy.

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And, you know, I always, in this situation, in this divorce that I've gone through,

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you guys, you know, if you listen to the last couple of episodes,

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you know that I've gone through this divorce and how tricky it has been and

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where it took my mental health.

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Where, you know, I didn't know, I didn't see, or I could not see whether I'm

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coming or going. Some days it's easy.

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Some days I can deal with the stress of it all. Some days I can't.

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And yesterday I posted up something that said, um.

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I'm tired of being portrayed as the bad guy in the situation.

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Did I make some mistakes in the situation with my ex-wife? I certainly did.

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But what I'm not going to do, and like I keep saying, what I'm not going to

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do is take the full grunt of what happened during the course of this marriage.

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I'm going to stand on what I've done because I have to. There's no other way around that.

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However, new situations have arisen.

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He's now talking about taking my son from me, leaving the state, and all of that.

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So I have to deal with certain situations.

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And so I was, I was, I put that post up and, you know, my coworker, she,

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I commented and she said, let them, you know, let them, um, let them see you

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in a bad light because people that really know you know, know the story, right?

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There are a lot of people out here that don't know the inner workings of the situation.

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They don't know, you know, because I lived with that situation for, you know, since 2016.

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So a lot of people don't know the inner workings. They think they do.

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They just know they know what they hear.

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And so people, you know, a lot of people have inputted their opinions and talk ill about me.

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She is talking ill about me. I know she has. on her side.

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Like I said, I don't see none of her stuff because I blocked her from all my

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social media accounts and things like that.

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So I don't have to see it because, you know, just being anywhere near the situation gives me anxiety.

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So I kind of don't do with it.

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But yesterday I was in a bad way and I was thinking about how people see me.

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And, you know, one thing that has always been important to me is how people see me.

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And so when people are degrading me and dragging my name through the mud and

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telling people, you know, I'm this and that, I'm financially abusive and whatever that means.

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And I'm a narcissist and I'm a gaslighter and I hadn't said or done anything.

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But I guess those are the words of today's society is gaslighting and narcissistic.

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But her comment to me was just simply,

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astounding and it wasn't even

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it wasn't even a long and deep and drawn out comment it was just let them,

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let them folks say what they're going to say about you you know and I was this

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morning I got up and I was listening to a podcast I think her name, what's her name?

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Her name was Mel Robbins. And she had a podcast episode that went viral.

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And it was talking about, you know, let them in three ways and how,

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three ways to incorporate that particular mindset and three ways not to.

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I didn't finish it, of course, because I'm trying to get ready to do this.

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I get ready to go to work and all that.

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That but um what would i want to um and it her comment really helped me because,

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i worry too much about what people think i worry about,

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too much about um how i'm portrayed uh to people and.

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I'm reminded of a line that Tyler Perry said in one of his movies or a play when he played Madea.

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And he said, I think it was one of his plays.

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He said, if people want to walk out of your life, let them walk.

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And I used to live by that credo. Let them walk, let them do whatever.

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But for some reason, I kind of gotten out of that particular mindset. And that's the problem.

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When we try to deal with, when we are in things for the wrong situations or

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the wrong reasons, you tend to lose yourself in other people.

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And you forget what made you, you.

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And that's what happened with me. Because my mentality before I met her was,

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you know, if you want to walk out, be my guest.

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But now, it was, it was, I got lost. I got lost for a second. And it was like, really?

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This is what it's come to? Why can't I put a stop to this?

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The problem that I went through and the problem that a lot of us go through

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is that we complain and moan about things that we have no control over. her.

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And that was the situation that happened with me in this divorce is that I had

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no control over what happened to it.

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I have no control over what she checked out a long time ago.

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I had no control over that because for a number of reasons. One,

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I had no idea she had checked out. I mean, I kind of figured it. I didn't know.

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So her decision to walk out of my life was her decision.

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Decision um but it is

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my it is now my decision whether or not

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to let to just let it all go and i

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you know and with that comment on yesterday i've learned that i have to let

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her go because not only does um not letting go affect me it also affects her

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to a degree even though she doesn't care about what I think or what I do or whatever.

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Letting her go is for me because she let go a long time ago. It is for me.

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And when I tell you, after I read my co-worker's comment, I can promise you

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that liberated me to a whole nother level.

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I can't control nothing she does, what she says, you know.

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Even in the revelation that she tells, she texted me yesterday morning and told

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me that she was leaving the state, had every intention on leaving the state.

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And I don't know if she said that because she was mad at me. I don't know.

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But after reading the comment, it was like, you know what?

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If that's what you're going to do, that's what you're going to do.

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I mean, I cannot, I'm never going to stop anybody from doing what they desire to do in this life.

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Just like I don't want nobody to stop me from doing what I want to do in this

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life. If I want to go and leave the state and restart my life somewhere else,

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I don't want nobody saying, well, you can't do this and you can't do that.

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I would never, even in my displeasure of what's going on, I would never say, you can't.

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You know, grown. Let them go.

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Let people go. Let situations go. There are a lot of us that are still holding

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on to people and situations that we should have let go of a long time ago.

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You know, and not to get too religious on folk, but sometimes we do that.

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We, because we feel like if we hold on to it, that somehow, someday it's going to get better.

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Or somehow, someday they're going to wake up and realize that I was the best thing for them.

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And they're going to wake up and realize that they made a mistake.

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People are not going to do that. And not in today's society anyway.

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So that's why it's very important to let people go. So let them do what they're

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going to do. Let them say what they're going to say.

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I mean, eventually you're going to be the bad guy. You're going to be the bad

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guy in somebody's story by the end of it.

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I think it was a Batman quote that one of my friends, Cole Johnson,

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put on my Facebook page yesterday.

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And I remember this quote because I watched the movie. And he said,

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you live long enough to be the villain or something or another or just long

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enough to be the hero or die the hero.

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And I was like, man, I'm always going to be the villain in somebody's story.

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And I'm definitely the villain in this one.

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But I'm learning how I have to let all of this go.

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I have to let things, the marriage, the emotions, the feelings,

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the pain, the dark place, I have to let it go.

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Because it's not benefiting me.

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I went live last night with my boys, the Knucklehead Chronicles panel,

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E-Digger, Quinn, and Kevin.

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And E-Digger said something that was powerful.

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He said, Terry said, I know how much it hurts. I've been there.

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I've seen it. I've known you for a few years now. yeah, I know what you put into that situation.

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And the pain sometimes is hard to deal with.

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And he said, you have no choice now in this life but to simply live it.

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You spent so much time pawning after, chasing after, trying to make happy someone

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who didn't want to be pawned over and chased after to be made happy by you.

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And when he said that to me, it hit the bottom of my stomach and it hurt to

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hear him say it, but it was the truth.

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I spent so much time, I'm not going to say wasted, I spent a lot of time trying

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to be something to somebody body who didn't want it from jump.

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That's a, that's, that's a revelation that no one wants to come to because it's painful,

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but I got to let it go. And I, and I have to let all of it go.

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No, you know, I'm 48 years old and I've been through a lot of my lifetime.

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This here, the pain of letting those, the pain of letting this go,

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is a lot difficult.

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And you know, her.

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I'm sorry. I'm trying to pull it together here. I'm not trying to get emotional.

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But you got to let them walk.

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I got to let her walk. I got to let her do her thing and experience life.

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I mean, because I have to.

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Not just for her, me. me.

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You know, I,

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ever since, if you guys have been listening long enough, you know,

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ever since I was 19 years old, I was always somebody's somebody, you know.

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I never had a chance to live this life for me. And so, now, I'm in a place where I have to.

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In order for for me to do that and do it effectively, I have to let people say

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whatever they're going to say about me.

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I have to let people do whatever they're going to do about me.

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And it's painful to a degree. It's extremely painful, but,

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I don't know. But what I do know is that at the end of the day,

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letting them say, do whatever they're going to do and say is going to benefit

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me in the end. I'm going to be able to live my life.

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So with that being said, I mean, you know, a lot of emotions are wrapped up into this.

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And if you're listening to this podcast and you're going through and you're

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thinking about situations and you're worrying about what people think or you're

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worrying about what the next step is.

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The next step I'm learning is to let them go.

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Let them people say whatever they're going to say.

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Let them feel about you however they're going to feel about you.

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Because the old saying goes, I'm not going to curse, But what people say now

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is that what you eat don't make me poop. You feel me?

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How you feel about me doesn't make me one way or the other. I'm still going

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to lay here. I'm going to sleep.

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I'm going to live my life.

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But in saying that, it's a lot easier for some folk to say it than to do it.

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So I'll say this in closing.

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Simply let people go. Let the emotion go.

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Let the hurt go. Let the pain go. Let them say whatever.

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Don't change nothing. They don't care. You're holding on.

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You're holding on to this rope that's cutting your wrist.

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As you are hanging on to survive, Five, the rope that's tied around your wrist

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is slowly cutting your wrist and you're bleeding out because you don't want to let them go.

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This is not just for you guys that I'm talking to. This is for me too.

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I'm holding on to that rope.

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I'm holding on to that rope and it's cutting my wrist because I'm holding on to something.

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I'm holding on to people that don't really care either way.

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They would rather piss on me if I was on fire.

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That's the harsh reality. People don't care. People do not care.

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So you have to learn how to let people go.

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And that's the thing that I'm learning today. I got to let people go.

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They don't care about me.

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Except for the folks who support me. And I appreciate every last single one of you.

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Double H, you're listening to this. Thank you for being supportive.

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Everybody in my DOC family, I appreciate y'all.

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And I'm going to see you guys on the next episode. Y'all have a great one.

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Music.